Re: getting over lost love
I think he's been very unfair,if he hadn't intended to marry you,what right had he to tell you not to get married to someone else?Personally,I think you are better off without such a loser!
Re: getting over lost love
maybe he was forced to marry by his family...if it can happen to a woman..it can happen to a man...besides if i was in such predicament, i wud have fought to get married to my girl.
Re: getting over lost love
While i was in the Us i met this guy when I was 17. :( I had never ever been in any kind of relationship before but anyway he really liked me for ages and he wanted to go out with me. I told him at that time that ive never done this thing before but we can be friends. Slowly I started spending more time with him and we fell in love. One thing I never did was ever be physical with him because I wanted to save myself, anyways he would always wanna kiss me etc but i never let him.
Anyways to cut a long story short we had this secret relationship that no1 knew about,that was based on love and friendship because i come from a very strict and religious family if they found out i was speaking and meeting a guy they would kill me. For 5 yrs we were best friends, talked everyday 10x a day, we would fight, make up, do everything for each other. I really wanted to marry him but he never asked me. He told me loved me but he never brought up marriage, i hinted to him that my parents were gonna get me married to someone else, he used to get hurt and jelous but he never once told me let me talk to my parents.:(
last summer I went to pakistan and when I came back he had gotten engaged to a pathan cousin of his without any explanation. I tried contacting him many times but he avoided me. I felt very hurt and there was no1 that I could cry to because not one of my friends knew about him. It was extremely secret.
I want to ask the guys here, why would you be with a girl if she is not sleeping with you or doing any kind of physical thing for 5 yrs? Whats the explanation for him telling me he loved me so many times a day? :( His wedding is in a week. I am really hurting inside but there is no1 i can talk to.
Oh he comes from a pathan family and i am not pashtoon, and I know he loves his culture a lot.
c'mon yaar, time will FIX everything,Will take couple of years tho. if you get married soon, proly take a year then.
Good Luck
Re: getting over lost love
plz dont bring pashtoon culture into this. its petulent behavior to make any conclusions based on a guys/gals ethnicity. for being best friends, you should have asked him in clear words if he intended to marry you. circular discussions and hints dont' work with guys- be they punjabi, goray, pashtoon or one-eyed.
now smile and think about ur own future and happiness.
:-)
Re: getting over lost love
What a rotten prick.. Just because he didnt say it so much in words, doesnt mean that she didnt have any right to feel that he would marry her.. Supposedly when you love someone, you dont have the neeed to spell out every little thing.. some things are understood.. hence thats why she never thought he would do that even though he never promised anything... Would I recommend you make this same mistaek again, NO.. but please do not feel bad that you fell in love.. i know its difficult right now, but be thankful you didnt end up with him..doesnt matter if he was "forced", he's a pussy for not fighting for her if he supposedly loved her..
Re: getting over lost love
he dint promise but he did ask her to say no to her proposals.. what about that .. and he was jealous of her being with anyone else.. ewhatever the guy was too weak .. shukr kero chunni .. u r saved .. sari umer us k parents ki baatain sunni perteen ... hah..
are u writing ???
Re: getting over lost love
ideally u both should have discussed your future prospects together after one year of knowing each other. and ideally u should have broken the relationship with him if he seemed hesitant to marry the girl he claimed to love. five yrs is a long time to be left hanging.
Re: getting over lost love
There is nothing that will make you feel better except TIME. You need a few months or maybe a year or 2 to finally start ignoring it. You will ofcourse never forget it but will be able to simply just go with what happened.
Or maybe you should try to talk to him (even if he is avoiding), it will not help in anything except closure. It will give you closure which is imp.
Re: getting over lost love
You are better off without a guy who probably didnt even TRY to get you.
Re: getting over lost love
gizzy paa ji we all have atleast once ;)
Re: getting over lost love
what? In a physical relationship?
Re: getting over lost love
Chin up babes. Inshallah you will be happy. I am in the same situation so realise how painful it is for you. If we look at these guys without our rose tinted sunnies on they aren't that great. Just pray that ALLAH ji does what is best for you/us/me/them. Hugs X
Re: getting over lost love
in this case i totally blame you .. relationships do not work one way .. you should have at least known this if not anything else.
Re: getting over lost love
Thanks everyone for your genuine heartfelt advice.
I am very happy people can understand my perspective and its good release as i have no1 to speak to jus gota grin and bear it.
Believe me im not sitting here 24/7 moaning and crying about him 99% of the time im not thinking about it, it's just that 1% when I do think of the past it kills me. I just graduated and did my mbbs, i'm a Dr so i dont actually have time to sit on my butt hee hee wish i did..
Oh yeah i'm not even thinking of any marriage plans or a guy yet because its not fair on my future husband if im still mentally attatched to someone else, so guess what i'm determined to let this all go and move on in a positive way, clear my head and make way for someone a whole lot better :)
Thanks guys
oh and for the pashtoon comment...actually his family are very proud that apparently none of their blood has ever been 'diluted' and the whole clan is 'pure'. says it all dont you think?
Re: getting over lost love
wat is this purity which kills others inside ??
Re: getting over lost love
So basically your complaining because the guy looked out for you by not being phyiscal. And the reason why he told you he was in love is because he was being honest yet wholesome enough to not ruin your rep. Gosh darn those pathan for being so careful. Why would he talk about marriage when its not feasible for him to marry outside the family, your asking for your emotions to be played with which is rare when so many girls are abused mentally and phyiscally over this.
Regarding the blood comment, what exactly does it say, please do enlighten me? You metioned being BEST friends i’m assuming you knew of his family tradition, don’t blame a traditon which is not limited to just pahtuuns btw Dr.Chunni on what you made up in your head.
Re: getting over lost love
well said belle.
Re: getting over lost love
some young men are hollow, rotten. lesson learnt: keep them out of ur life.
Re: getting over lost love
Chunni, I have to agree with Belle. Please don't blame his culture. There are plenty of pashtun people who have married other non-Pashtun Pakistanis/Muslims.
Bottom line is that if someone really wants to be with you, they won't leave you hanging for five years. Part of it is your own fault for waiting for five years. If he never approached your family for marriage or sent a rishta, you should have known better and ended it rather than hoping. If you knew his whole clan wanted to remain 'pure' and he was not discussing marriage with you at all over the five years, you should have known better. Trust me, I know how hard it can be and to live in hope, but two people were involved in this relationship. It's not right or fair to put all the blame on him.
I apologise for being harsh.
Re: getting over lost love
i hardly ever venture into culture but bear with me. I always thought that it was us men/boys that find it hard to move on, and i have come to place the blame on the bollywood influence. So spare a moment for your exfriend, as i'm pretty sure he's going through a miserable time as well. However since you guys were raised in us, things might be different.