Hello peepz am new here! I am living in Dubai now but i was brought up in America from pakistani origin, i’m 23 years old.
While i was in the Us i met this guy when I was 17. I had never ever been in any kind of relationship before but anyway he really liked me for ages and he wanted to go out with me. I told him at that time that ive never done this thing before but we can be friends. Slowly I started spending more time with him and we fell in love. One thing I never did was ever be physical with him because I wanted to save myself, anyways he would always wanna kiss me etc but i never let him.
Anyways to cut a long story short we had this secret relationship that no1 knew about,that was based on love and friendship because i come from a very strict and religious family if they found out i was speaking and meeting a guy they would kill me. For 5 yrs we were best friends, talked everyday 10x a day, we would fight, make up, do everything for each other. I really wanted to marry him but he never asked me. He told me loved me but he never brought up marriage, i hinted to him that my parents were gonna get me married to someone else, he used to get hurt and jelous but he never once told me let me talk to my parents.
last summer I went to pakistan and when I came back he had gotten engaged to a pathan cousin of his without any explanation. I tried contacting him many times but he avoided me. I felt very hurt and there was no1 that I could cry to because not one of my friends knew about him. It was extremely secret.
I want to ask the guys here, why would you be with a girl if she is not sleeping with you or doing any kind of physical thing for 5 yrs? Whats the explanation for him telling me he loved me so many times a day? His wedding is in a week. I am really hurting inside but there is no1 i can talk to.
Oh he comes from a pathan family and i am not pashtoon, and I know he loves his culture a lot.
I feel really sorry for you Chunni. Don't justify your relationship without him giving you an explanation. You don't know why he is getting married and he never told you. May be he was forced by his family? 5 years is a long time. All the time that he spent with you can't be a lie. He's trying to avoid you then may be he has his own problems. If you guys were that close then I think he shouldn't have kept anything hidden from you and should've shared it but he didn't. May be things weren't pure between you two in the first place or may be he was not seriously enough about your relationship? What can I say girl. Hang on there and don't be sad. If he really cared, he would've let you know beforehand.
Thanks destinee sister. Your advice is very good. Yes his family is so controlling, he works and earns from his brothers and sisters, they are all elder and he has never been allowed to make any decisions in his life. But even within the 5 yrs i could see that I would get hurt and i kept telling him to leave me alone, on one hand he couldnt see me with another man and made me refuse rishte, and on the other hand he wasnt man enough to tell his family he loved a punjabi girl, or maybe i'm deluded and he didnt really love me.
I guess he didnt love me and it was all fake and i was stupid and i'll have to get over it. But what i cant understand is, i never gave him anything. Not sex/money/wasnt a trophy or anything like that so why the hell didnt he leave me ages ago when i told him to do it many times :( i tried confronting him many times last yr but i have pride and ego as well. after he changed his number i was too proud to beg for an explanation. I cant be one of those psycho girls who run after men that treat them like ****. so i guess i have to be woman enough to watch him get married to another woman. doesnt help that he lives 2 streets away from me and everyone is talking about his wedding all the time.
Chunni, you're not the only one in this world. Daily, girls like you are treated this way. They're left alone at some point of their life after being spent time with.
As I said may be he was just spending time with you. Don't think you're weak and you can't do it. You certainly can. If he had the courage to not consult things with you then you should have the courage to see him get married. Getting engaged while you were away just shows that he was a coward nothing else. He can't even be responsible enough to stand up for his rights and his wishes then I guess it doesn't matter to him where he ends up in life. Just stop thinking about it. Whenever you think about him just smile and think that you had a good time and it was just another tiny part of your past. Things move on, people move on, and since he has moved on you should too. Be strong, you're a woman...you're stronger than you think.
But its not always true that guys do this on purpose. Our culture has revolved a lot around hindi movies. Step out of it & you'll see that this is a wonderful world to live in.
i’m sorry to hear he has done this to you. he should have atleast given you an explanation.
hun, there are times when things happen and we dont understand them, but you have to be strong, i know it is gonna hurt so much, but that hurt will inshallah go away, a friendship lasting 5 years is no small thing.
be strong like Destinee said and you will get through this inshallah.
Chunni, i dont want to come across as insensitive, but are you sure he had the intentions of marrying you in the end? Like you said, he never brought up marriage in the 5 years you knew him. Maybe he didnt intend to go through it to begin with. Since i dont know the whole situation, there could be another explanation.
Whatever had to happen, has happened. Try to move on. It will take time but you will get there InshaAllah.
Whatever had to happen, has happened. Try to move on. It will take time but you will get there InshaAllah.
I guess he didn't even have the intentions of marriage..and i was very naive to fall for someone like that who just used me as a time pass...
it just hurts thats all...im just glad i never crossed my limits then i would really regret it...
Chunni, i believe there is a reason for why these things happen....maybe if you had got married to this guy you may not have been happy in your future married life? Maybe what has happened is actually a blessing and when you do meet the right guy you will look back and be glad for what happend!
a broken heart is such a beautiful heart .... it is so close to god ... its an unlike anyother experience... .janey do pakhtoon ko aiween tum cute punjabi girl ko kharab kerta ...
likho... make a diary of all ur feelings .. every hour .. sab kuch likho . likhnay say bohot sukoon milta hai .. dil ka bojh halka ho jata hai .. us ki jo jo baat yaadaay wo likho.. khud ki feelings ko bhi feel kero .... i think only then u would b able to vent it all out ... share it with ur self .. and get over it ...
yea forum bari theroputic place hai.. i have been ehre for a month or so and i am so hooked . the guppus are closer to me than my family .. its nice that u can get a fresh perspective on ur issues and these ppl are caring ... its a group of some humane ..loving and caring souls .. hum sab jannat main aik club house banain gay ... theek hai !!!!
Sorry to hear your story chunni. He is not worth your time. One thing for sure, when it comes to marriage, please always be straight with the person no hinting etc. It can be difficult coming from a girl, but there is no harm in asking to the face if he is interested in getting married and if Yes, the when will that be. That can eliminate lot of misunderstanding. A girl should not be shy about it, specially nowadays.
**Chunni Munni: **find urself something productive to do in ur life. Try to understand the purpose of ur life instead of sittin on ur butt and mourning on a lost love. Love comes and go ..heart breaks and heal back but time does not come back once its gone. Use this time wisely and do something for urself and make urself understand that no matter what happens ..no matter how bad it hurts..it STILL happened for ur own good!! Enjoy life while it last :k:
p.s I dont think there is a NEED to blame either urself or him b/c if u keep on doing that then u wont be able to get over it
I had never ever been in any kind of relationship before but anyway he really liked me for ages and he wanted to go out with me. I told him at that time that ive never done this thing before but we can be friends. Slowly I started spending more time with him and we fell in love. One thing I never did was ever be physical with him because I wanted to save myself, anyways he would always wanna kiss me etc but i never let him.
