getting married in pakistan

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Really some of you here are truely desis ABCDs first time I am using such a phrase. But I dont blame u, u are raised in such a way.

okay I dont mean you bharysh, good thing that I have seen and met you, and can judge what you would be looking for.

Some so called muslims are suggesting that region and other minor factors matter over religion as to where the person was born, raised, well
I have news for u, some eligable pakistani raised guys dont like abcd girls either, they prefere pakistani girls, so its not only a one way feeling, i agree with Sarah S, i would marryone, who are we to feel interior over someone.
Of course when in pakistan, there will be different kinds of guys, but u have to be open for some changes and be understanding.
I went to pakistan and met my husband and in two weeks we got involved and nikkah done, never I felt that he is a FOB or someting other, he is a human being like me, who might have some other prespective over things as him being raised in a different invironment than me, some of my prespectives are different for him. We both have learned a lot and are still learning from eachother. Its fun and daring to be different, i think i would have gottan bored withsome who is raised the same way as me.

If I am to sterotype, then I can say that guys in Pakistan are much better than guys raised in West, as they follow family values, dont drink or go clubbing.

Lastly, be open.

22

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by SaadiaB: *

If I am to sterotype, then I can say that guys in Pakistan are much better than guys raised in West, as they follow family values, dont drink or go clubbing.

[/QUOTE]

It's good that you found someone that met your criteria for a good man (follows family values, doesn't drink or goes clubbing). But we don't know if that's the criteria for Bharysh or other women here. Truth is Bharysh hasn't mentioned anything about what she wants or looking for.

BTW, there are lot of guys raised in the West who "follow family values, don't drink or go clubbing". What's wrong with going clubbing? What are family values? Are they different for Pakistan-raised men than those raised in the West? So much for being open.

23

So much for being open, I was sterotyping as you guys did in this thread, so now you know how it feels to be on the other side.

24

Where did I stereotype anyone?

Your steretyping anyone has no effect my feelings. I am sorry if your feelings were hurt by other poster's "stereotyping". Where is this defensive attitude coming from I wonder.

25

LOL, I have no hurt feelings, none at all.

Well most of the posters have made some negative experience, hence their attitude. I'm only trying to show the other experience. Well anyways..

26

Bharysh, going to Pakistan for the sole purpose of finding a husband? Just relax man, I really believe in kismat and things happening by Allah’s will when the time is right. Take Mehnaz’s advice and focus on other aspects of your visit.

As for the abcd vs fob argument, really people, achey aur burey log har jage hotey hain. :rolleyes: How can you make such strong distinctions between guys brought up in the US and guys in Pakistan.

27

^^ yes i dun no why abcd guy so cool?? :rolleyes: :eek:

28

Hello there :)

Now where's that Hayaa at this time :-) We can use some of her insight. She having exams or something?
At the moment my advice is to think about what Roman said. I cudn't agree more. I will write back with a real life experience on hand. Ahem them Army Navy Studs may make better husbands if u decide to reside in Pak. Or else anybody with tons of money will get u around good. Otherwise living in Pak without any money is better not to live at all :D Ok u know I'm kidding.

Later,
Daysee Behna

29

SaadiaB, not sure if your comment was directed at me, but I never said anything about "FOBS" being "inferior".

In fact, from what I have read, nobody has. The fact remains that there will be differences. It's up to the individual how much they are willing to compromise. I wouldn't take that as calling "the other side" "inferior" though. You will find jerks and wonderful people everywhere. No "side" is better than the other.

30

No Mehnaz not directed to you, infact to nobody, I wrote in the heat of the moment. I guess each to their own, who am I to judge.

31

I am really disappointed at some of the replies at the beginning. It seems as if going to Pakistan and getting married there is worse than being exiled to kala pani.

Sadiah you are right about Pakistani guys being well raised. There is truly not much difference between Desi men raised in good families in the west and desi men from good families in Pakistan. The only difference will probably be that there is a bigger choice in Pakistan.

Some how I have noticed that a lot of desi girls from the west, whether they have been there for 2 months or spent all their lives, have this chip on their shoulder that they are now too good for someone who lives or was raised in Pakistan and if they get married to some one over there, due to parental pressure or some other reason, they are doomed.

These kind of preconcieved notions are probably big contributors to the eventual break-up. All post marriage issues, no matter what they are, will be blamed on the husband's desi upbringing (and to be fair from his side on his wife's western up-bringing). My mashwara to all of you western raised girls is "Agar itnay nakhraz haiN to jahan ho jaisee ho wahiN raho aur khush raho. Alhamdolillah there are excllent desi bred girls available in Pakistan and we Pakistanis are happy with them."

More to be said but I have to go.

PS Sadi I love you but in a non-eyeing-for-marriage sort of a way.

32

Bharysh, are you looking at desi Muslims only? Ever consider marrying a non-desi Muslim?

33

omg, i'm so glad everyone is pitching in their two cents. i should have checked this thread earlier (this is what happens when you don't go on gs regularly...u miss out on all the good advice!)

ok so i'm just going to quote a few people and reply back...and hopefully see where my mindest is on this now as well.

34

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by khawateen: *
but basically what im trying to say is ... dont go to pakistan thinking "oh hell... this is pathetic...pakistani guyz know noting bout the outside world " cuz u'll take everything negetively...
happy hunting :)
[/QUOTE]

hoping not too..definately will keep an open mind if i go....and heck i haven't been since i was a youngin...oh i'm going shopping first!

35

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Naadir: *
a fob, who would wanna marry a fob?
[/QUOTE]

fobs are people who are here already...i'm thinking of sobs...no not THAT kind people...still on the boat ones. :)

36

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by belle: *
Bharysh, Maybe you need to be for social. Do you have any desi girlfriends, or don't your parents have any family friends?.
[/QUOTE]

married gffs are with their hubbies and married folks...

single ones are worried over themselves...half saying they aren't serious, the other half just lying about it but haven't gotten anywhere either. i'd like to put in an honest effort into everything while i'm young and able.

and my folks are older now and are going thru their own health related issues at this point..it's just their time. they did what they could and still support me, it's just harder to venture on my own now.

37

Re: Re: getting married in pakistan

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by LuxuryItem: *

I don't know how old you are but seems like you are utterly frustrated by your situation and ready to take drastic measures..do you even know what you want in a potential spouse? You were born and raised in States?Canada?UK?
[/QUOTE]

  • frustrated yes, drastic, hopefully not.

  • yes, i've known for a very long time what i was looking for. it wasn't much, but it seems like the guys or their families are asking for a lot more and not offering much in return. apparently the dowry system isn't dead, just altered into a new state.

  • born here in the states..i dunno hwo the guys are anywhere else really...but i think it is generally the same everywhere.

38

Hi Barysh,
I bet you neva had an indepth feed back from any where like the one you’r getting here. :smiley:
I see some good inputs from guppies. So now that you’ev come this far out with your plans, I would suggest to just mellow down a bit and lets see what these guppies can come up with in the near future…Inshallah good things will happen to you. thats my point,:biggthumb:

39

You guys are soo going to be Fresh Of the Boats in Pakistan…:smiley: :smiley:

40

Guppies, u sure know how to mislead tsk tsk :) Pakistan is a great land to live, granted u've got cash to burn ;-)
Bharaysh Brace urself. There's still alot unsaid. This may seem tedious and long, but as the saying goes "Love is in details" :) here goes...

My naïve friends, let me enlighten you. The reality does not slightly tolerate the description of what your suggestions convey to this distressed one. In fact what may appear to the seeing eye apparent and vivid, may quite differ it’s true likeliness in reality.

Taking this crucial step in life may be quite a frightening experience. First off, never allow yourself to indulge in the guilt of I’m running out of time, have to do this fast” scenario. Fatal mistake to do so! Breath and let urself to take all the time you need. If you have never put up a fight for yourself…now is the time! Gambling at ur own expense to reside in a completely new environment can be a very drastic challenge.

Your key to success is to imagine your self in various daily case scenarios. Anticipate how you will handle them. Put a lot of hours into analyzing and finally evaluating the results for yourself. Small things that fulfill the needs of our daily life may seem to lead us to uncertainty and distress when they tend not to work out. My advice to you is to try implementing those day to day activities during your visit in ur scedule. This will enhance you to gather the awareness regarding duties required to perform while being in Pakistan or any country for a matter of fact.

-Explore a few healthcare facilities
-Learn to drive the car in the claustrophobic traffic
-try going for groceries
-Don’t miss out on the hair/beauty salon
-Eat out
-shop
-take a trip to the northern Pakistan (NOT MURRY!!! Kaghan, Chitral, Swat, Skardoo, Hunza valley are better recommendation for true taste of Pak adventure)
-Ride the Daewoo for exploring the motor way
-Take the PIA (go thru the airports getting gazillion time semi strip searched)
-Explore the job market
-apply for a job interview
- Join an evening class regarding your field of subject
-for social life attend weddings, parties or art classes etc,etc

Now coming back to the preeminent Candidate issue. Roman has summed it best. As far as ethics, cultural, religious values are at stake dear friend… No One supersedes anyone!!! It takes all kinds to make the world turn. If you are to discriminate against the variety of ‘viable prospects’ (abcds, bbcds, cbcd, fobs, desi, kala, gora etc) You are cutting yourself short of supply!!! Life is a great gift but much too short to be wasted living by a restricted mind. Let the sky be your limit.

Now coming back to earth. Consider these very few things enlisted below before giving an absolute “OK” node to the dude.

-NEVER EVER DO NIKAH before staying engaged for minimum of 4 months
-Get to know his family inside out (atleast try ur best beg ur family members like nothing for this one)
-If the guy’s family are completely suffocating and coaxing you too soon to be too close to them and get things on a move, always take 10 steps back and try to make room for yourself. Be suspicious till the very last minute. Don’t get trust the better of you.
-Investigate, investigate, investigate till people who are investigating out for your brighter future drop dead with fatigue
-Communicate, communicate, and communicate (with your family, guy’s family and the guy himself…trust me Islam fully allows and encourages it!!)
-Have a list of questions prepared when the more somber candidates arrive
-ask his goals, his plans for next 5 yrs, his expectations from a wife (yar ask him what is important for you to inquire ok, trust me a guy with a head on his shoulder won’t take this as a negative, so don’t be scared, its ur life we’re talking about)

Have your feet on solid ground, do your home-work devotedly and who knows you may just bump into MR.Right! However, exercise caution through out ok. There are many jerks out there along with many sweethearts. One out there is waiting 4 u babe! Our thoughts and wishes are with you.....

                               Happy Hunting! ;-)

Later,
Daysee:)