So, after my truely hellish experience of being married in the past, I am considering the viability of getting married again.
I am quite happy with myself, I lead a vaguely content life, I have a few hobbies, photography, travelling, making pink tea(lol). I don’t really have many friends unfortunately, but I don’t mind going to places on my own (been on holiday and to stand up shows, dinner out etc solo) but it does get a bit boring sometimes if you think of something funny to say and noone to laugh with.
I guess I don’t mind getting remarried again to have someone to share my life with, however I’m not sure I can deal with
Not being accepted for who I am - I have been told that I’m a bit eccentric, I don’t want to fall into line with someones expectations when it comes to my appearance, hobbies etc, my ex used to throw my soft toys off the bed and onto the floor as she was “scared” of them (who is scared of a cuddly toy??) and keep fiddling with my hair and styling it.
Others getting involved - my marriage was fraught with externalities, I’m not sure if I can be bothered to deal with all this, all over again
Having to keep on the ball - I’m extremely laid back, however my main problem is some think I’m stupid, not laid back, I certainly can’t be bothered to constantly keep my eyes open for her/her family thinking this and trying to take advantage of me, because tbh the second I figure this out, I cut people like this out of my life instantly (people who take advantage of others AREN’T nice people, even if they don’t do it to you) anyone that has this mindset isn’t good.
Having to fulfil expectations such as anniversaries, birthdays, valentines etc, I don’t think men get it easy when it comes to this sort of thing, personally I have zero expectations, I guess it will be nice to find someone that also has zero expectations (one phrase I like is hope for the best, except the worst) I don’t mind going out, dinner etc but when there is an expectation of sorts, and that gets broken I think issues start?
The most terrifying is your partner just waking up one day and coming out with something like “I don’t love you anymore” or somesuch rubbish for no apparent reason, this is quite scary.
@SL2 news for you , married life is full of expectations , and it is contract to fulfill each others expectation and when kids are born another set of expectations get mixed in the expectations. You are not buying a pet , you are getting married to a human they have right to have expectations from you and you from them.
When you celebrate birthdays , anniversaries , valentines you show your love to your partner and love is what marriage is all about.
I can write a thesis but I am sure others are coming soon to add to this thesis of married life.
And yes this posts of your come across written by some eccentric person.
@SL2 news for you , married life is full of expectations , and it is contract to fulfill each others expectation and when kids are born another set of expectations get mixed in the expectations. You are not buying a pet , you are getting married to a human they have right to have expectations from you and you from them.
When you celebrate birthdays , anniversaries , valentines you show your love to your partner and love is what marriage is all about.
I can write a thesis but I am sure others are coming soon to add to this thesis of married life.
And yes this posts of your come across written by some eccentric person.
I think excessive expectations are bad surely? If you go in with a clean sheet with relatively few expectations, surely the chances of disappointment are less? (I guess the arranged marriage is based on this foundation)
I don't mind basic expectations that are obvious (not cheat, lies etc) but when expectations are large, and aren't fulfilled, then they get broken and leads to unhappiness.
As I said, I don't mind celebrating bdays etc, but I would rather expectations not be set and celebrate them in a way that I think may be fun, rather than there being a bunch of expectations and me not having the foggiest what those may be.
I don't want to fall into line with someones expectations when it comes to my appearance, hobbies etc, my ex used to throw my soft toys off the bed and onto the floor :( as she was "scared" of them (who is scared of a cuddly toy??) and keep fiddling with my hair and styling it.
The above just killed it for me. Are you a troll?!
Like Mirch said, expectations will always be there. I will add to that and tell you everyone is going to have expectations of you, whether you are married or not. Now, if you can't deal with those expectations, then how are you going to get anywhere in life? Forget marriage for a second, even when you're working, there are expectations of you, how do you deal with them, or propose to deal with them? If you can't deal with certain expectations which are reasonable, then I suggest for you to take a long hard look at yourself before thinking about marriage.
The above just killed it for me. Are you a troll?!
Like Mirch said, expectations will always be there. I will add to that and tell you everyone is going to have expectations of you, whether you are married or not. Now, if you can't deal with those expectations, then how are you going to get anywhere in life? Forget marriage for a second, even when you're working, there are expectations of you, how do you deal with them, or propose to deal with them? If you can't deal with certain expectations which are reasonable, then I suggest for you to take a long hard look at yourself before thinking about marriage.
I guess then it depends what expectations are reasonable, I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect the husband to provide for his family, to expect the husband not to lie, cheat, go shopping etc, however I think it's unreasonable to be told what to wear/how to dress as then you're not really accepted for who you are.
I think excessive expectations are bad surely? If you go in with a clean sheet with relatively few expectations, surely the chances of disappointment are less? (I guess the arranged marriage is based on this foundation)
I don't mind basic expectations that are obvious (not cheat, lies etc) but when expectations are large, and aren't fulfilled, then they get broken and leads to unhappiness.
As I said, I don't mind celebrating bdays etc, but I would rather expectations not be set and celebrate them in a way that I think may be fun, rather than there being a bunch of expectations and me not having the foggiest what those may be.
Sir , we are social beings , we will always have reasonable expectations of each other. Since you seem to be rational enough I am sure you will go for a wife who is sane , rational and intelligent enough to have reasonable expectations off of you.
I am sure she will not expect you to fetch moon or stars for her but if she would expect you to wear certain kind of clothes , have certain kind of furniture in your home or celebrate her , yours or your kids birthday in a certain way and you would have some objection to certain aspects of those you could come to an agreement like rational human beings. But expecting that she does not have any say on all these matters or other and just give your unconditional love , live like a mute , behave like a statue , have no emotions and feelings is a bit of a stretch .
I am quite happy with myself, I lead a vaguely content life, I have a few hobbies, photography, travelling, making pink tea(lol). *I don't really have many friends unfortunately, but I don't mind going to places on my own *(been on holiday and to stand up shows, dinner out etc solo) but it does **get a bit boring sometimes **if you think of something funny to say and noone to laugh with.
I guess I don't mind getting remarried again to have someone to share my life with,
Based on the above....especially the bolded parts....I confused as to WHY you're considering marriage. What do you hope to get out of it?
Just b/c things get "boring sometimes"....that's not a good reason to get married. If you want someone to laugh with....why don't you focus on making more friends?
When thinking about whether or not you want to pursue marriage.... if "I guess I don't mind" is what how you feel....versus "I know for a fact I want to get married".....then you really shouldn't get married in my opinion.
Thoughts of marriage should bring up feelings of happiness/excitement.....with sprinkles of nervousness due to the unknown. There's absolutely 0 excitement/positivity in your post. Honestly, for the sake of whoever you may end up with....work on yourself first before you get someone else involved in your life.
as she was “scared” of them (who is scared of a cuddly toy??) and keep fiddling with my hair and styling it.
