Getting back with ex-husband

Society Religion & Philosophy
21

Re: Getting back with ex-husband

I'm sorry but this is just wrong!

what is the purpose of marrying someone else in order to get back with ur ex husband?

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Re: Getting back with ex-husband

But CE this is the way you are supposed to do it! :/

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Re: Getting back with ex-husband

TLK.. nice of you to point out zakir naeiz ..info to be not taken ..:thank you:

now i beleive from above posters TLK will understannd me more.. so clarify if i am unable to ...

so If the intention of doing halala is to remarry the former hubby then its not jaiz according to hanfiz .. cos from the word go .. it automatically is considered a contract marriage i.e. fall under the catagory of mu'ta according to hanafi sunnis .. and mu'ta according to sunni is haram.

secondly, when halala is done .. ie. you marry the second person .. you can NOT ask them to lets have sex right away so 3 iddats later i can go back to my former man.. but when you marry the new husband .. you have to wait for natural things to happen ..i.e. if they sleep .. then if protection is used cos later on shes ..gona get divorced ..so she can go back to her original ..then using this protection wouldnt be jaiz ..cos it will all be just for one reason ...and now if they get kids or something .. then its highly unlikely to go back .. nor can the husband just give her talaq ..cos he may feel sorry for her.. ths isnt allowed also ..so end of the day ..what if he i.e new husband wants to keep her .. he HAS the right ..

and finalyy it boils down to this that ... the whole concept is to be taken VERY seriously ..and not a contract ..cos consequuences are HARSH .. and secondly .. it IS a hadith of the prophet SAW .. that one most jaiz thing yet very disliked is talaq.. and if this thing is like repeated i mean first husband gives her and then the second .. what !! this aint a game ..

Aisha: sorry but i gotta say this .. like you ..just wrote above that your not even sure what you are ..sunni etcc .. similarly ... alot of ppl dont know what they are and what islam they follw and all they know that they are muslim ..and as a consequence .. have very LITTLE knowledge of Islam and acting upon the teachings .. and due to lack of knowledge .. ppl commit these mistake and similarly in this sittuation .. ppl just get waund up in wrong things un intentionally and like in this sittuation .. ppl i even knw one couple .. end up living still togeather after talaq i.e. un-jaiz relation.

ps. aisha ..in Islam .a woman can NOT give talaq .. she can ask for something called ''khula'' i.e. to disolve the marraige ..BUT ONLY in extreme circumstances .. and halala is NOT an extreme circumstance ..cos the original guy giving talaq should have thought about wht hes doing that by giving talaq hes gona lose his wife .. so tough luck ..

my 2 or so cents :)

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Thank you CE .. about time someone talked sense .. :)

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Re: Getting back with ex-husband

No I am a Sunni. Apart from that I am a Muslim. There is no other Islam to follow. Just one. As for tough luck business, that's why I said Allah has made it hard to get back together with the first husband.

Thanks for the detailed reply though FBI.

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Aisha plz don't say Allah has made it hard for u to get back with ur x husband, ur the one who didn't want to be with him so live with it

27

Re: Getting back with ex-husband

I was talking in general. I don't plan on doing any such thing, btw.

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Again CE i would say that these coments are coming cos lack of knowledge .. to say something like this i.e. made hard for him / her IS blasphemous remark actually cos it would clearly deny the verse of Quran ..Read Sural Alam nashrah in 30th para :D

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Re: Getting back with ex-husband

Again I would like to say, I was talking in general. Please don't twist my words and throw them back at me. Thanks for your time but I have pretty much gotten my answer.

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Re: Getting back with ex-husband

There is no easy answer for this.

Find another guy with the intention of living with him for life i.e. a normal married life. End of story.

If and only if things don't work out with that guy, get a divorce and come back to the original one. Thats the only way.

31

Yes correct, this woild be the only possible way and even then theres no gurantee hoping things dont wotk out.
However, one other solution to this would b that the new husband passes away i.e. It does not mean that u murder him, then mayb u can get back to firs husband wether they slept or no wont matter cos they were married afterall jus that the guy died. i will hav to clarify this further, will clarify tomorrw

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I thought that as well. Didn't think it was a requirement.

This may seem like a stupid question. But WHY does the subsequent marriage have to be consummated in order for the woman to return to her ex husband?

It is because a marriage isn't considered valid until it is consummated? Or is it because this consummation is to be some sort of admonishment to the ex husband for giving a divorce (as the idea of your wife sleeping with another man is unsavory for most men).

^But then again....it would be unsavory for the woman as well. This consummation, (especially if she truly doesn't want to be with the second husband and only married him to return to the ex husband)..........must especially hurt/shame the woman............almost reducing herself to an object.

And what if she sleeps with the second husband......who gives her talaq so she can go back to her ex........and then ex has a change of heart AGAIN....and doesn't want her back??? So, she's left nowhere.

Why go back to your ex anyway? I imagine the chances of the marriage working out the second time are slim.

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Ayesha whats so cool about that ??? converting to a diff religion? is religion a joke ?

btw i fail to understand why you are asking all these question about* halala*?

halala doesnt mean you go into a marriage thinking that i am only doing this so i can go back to my first husband....

it is when you were married to a 2nd husband and he passes away or give your divorce due to natural things NOT BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO GO BACK TO FIRST HUSBAND

only then nikah with first husband is allowed in islam....

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sensible post after a long time fbi :k:

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Mufti Ebrahim Desai explains it here:

                         *Question:. When a husband divorces his wife three times, she is already traumatized, why does Shariah punish her again by subjecting her to halalah? Why isn't a simple nikah sufficient without consummation? Why should the divorcee be dirtied by another man? I personally won't return to such a woman. Doesn't the process of halalah also create temptations of other men in the divorcee?

Answer.: The concept of halalah, where the divorcee of three times (Talaq-e-Mugallazah) is required to marry another man and have the marriage consummated as a precondition for her to revert to her husband is expressly mentioned in the Quran (Baqarah: 230) and many Ahadith (Bukhari, vol. 2 - pg. 731 H.M. Saeed). Allah Ta'ala is Al-Hakeem (The All-Wise). Every decree of Allah is filled with wisdom. The full depth of the wisdom of Allah Ta'ala can never be fathomed by all the most intelligent people of the world. We as the slaves of Allah Ta'ala are duty bound to express submission to Allah. He is our Master and we are His slaves. We have to simply obey the orders of Allah whether we understand them or not. Allah out of infinite mercy has also granted the understanding of deen to the Ulama. That understanding creates a sense of fulfillment in expressing servitude to Allah. The practice of halalah is the express order of Allah. This was also advised by Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) to the wife of Rifa'ah Al-Qurazi who was previously married to Abdul Rahman Ibn Zabeer. This incident is recorded in almost every book of Hadith and several places in Bukhari. Let us briefly discuss the wisdom of this decree of Allah. Shariah has granted a lofty position to a woman as a daughter, as a wife, as a sister and as a mother. She ascends on the throne of nobility as she passes the different phases of a woman. My focus here is only on her position as a wife and maintaining the marriage bond.

It is mentioned in Bukhari that at the time of Jaahiliyah a man could divorce his wife for any number of times and take her back as he wished to. Any noble woman would understand the trauma of this practice. She can never be focused in life. There is absolutely no dignity or honor for her if she is repeatedly divorced. Her position as a wife is always in suspense. She was no more than a cheap commodity, in fact worse. The reasons for that are clear as she is a human being with feelings equal to a man. Shariah has restored her with a right of dignity and restricted the unlimited number of divorces. If a man wants her as a wife, he must understand the commitment of marriage and the respect of his wife. He knows ahead of time that the limit of divorce is three. Shariah has advised him that divorce is the most abhorred thing. Rasulullah (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said, Verily the most abhorred among permissible things is divorce. The husband must exercise restraint and tolerate his wife just as she too, tolerates him.

If he divorces her expressly one or two times (Talaq-e-Raji) in one sitting or in different sittings then he can unilaterally take her back within the period of iddat. He cannot take her back thereafter without her consent. This is also the ruling if an indicative divorce (Talaq-e-Ba'in) was issued. It is now her independent right. She must decide whether she wants to live with the man that divorced her and abused her. Once he gives her three divorces, he just cannot have her back. Now it is not even her right to decide to go back to her ex-husband. Shariah steps in to protect her dignity and honor and stop abuse against her. A woman by nature gives in more often and easily than a man. It is possible she may simply subject herself to her abusive husband. Shariah considers her nature and now throws a strong armour around her. She now is the sole right of the Shariah. Now nobody owns her. Her abusive husband needs to be treated with contempt. Any noble man who knows the consequences of three divorces and the process to have his wife back will never divorce his wife. He will respect her and tolerate her. The purpose of halalah is clearly misunderstood. It is incorrectly regarded as an unjust punishment to the divorcee. In fact, the institution of halalah is to protect a woman against the abuse of divorce. If a man cannot respect his wife, he is not worthy of respect. He must be taught the hard way. This does not mean that halalah is a punishment to the woman. Shariah does not impose on her to remarry. It is her right. She can choose not to re-marry. If she does marry, it should not be to merely fulfill a prerequisite to revert to her ex-husband. It is to be a marriage of honor and dignity, a permanent and normal marriage with all its rights. If this marriage happens to be unsuccessful, then again she has the right to marry her ex-husband. She does not have to if she chooses not to remarry him. It is clear from the above explanation that the concept of halalah is:

**1. To protect the wife from the abuse of her husband.

  1. The husband should understand the implications of three divorces and exercise restraint.

  2. If he does not contain himself, he cannot be given an unlimited right of divorce.

The above explanation and subsequent points fulfil you. Now, reverting to your points;**

1.You enquire why must she consummate her marriage with her new husband. Our response is why not. Why did she re-marry? Just to legitimize her return? She should not enter into a marriage with that intention. If she does so, what remedy is there for a woman who does not accept the dignity granted to her by Shariah? She is subjecting herself to a process for her abusive ex-husband.

2.You state you will never return to a woman dirtied by another man. If you feel like that, you can be a perfect husband and never divorce your wife for her to be "dirtied" by another man. If you do divorce her, why would you be worried about her being dirtied for you? You did worse to her by your abuse to her than her merely being dirtied. An abusive husband needs the psychological punishment of halalah. If the ex-husband feels she is dirtied, he doesn't have to take her back if he doesn't want to. Nobody forces him to do so. It is his choice. He must decide. If he takes her back, why call her dirty?

3.You enquire that her sleeping with another man creates more temptations for her. That is correct. The husband must realize all this ahead of time and exercise control. A chaste woman will only fulfil herself in a legitimate avenue. She will look after her chastity and respect. We are discussing the preservation of the dignity and honor of an Allah fearing chaste woman, not just any woman.

Mufti Ebrahim Desai

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Re: Getting back with ex-husband

Good post CP, but it appears that she has to wait for the second marriage to fail, naturally. My understanding was this that although its an undesirable act (marrying with an intention to dicvorce) but because it did not nullify the nikah so its not a gunah-e-kabeera and technically a loophole for the girl to get back to her first hubby. I am confused now.

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Re: Getting back with ex-husband

Actions are judged by intentions.

If you're going to sleep with another guy just for ritualistic purposes you might as well skip that and just go remarry the first one.

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Re: Getting back with ex-husband

So this is what my understanding was. Its in realplayer format

http://www.shariahboard.org/viewfatwa.aspx?QuestionID=7252

http://www.shariahboard.org/viewfatwa.aspx?QuestionID=1761

39

I coul dbe wrong but I always thought it was like this:
You get re-married to another man, not like with intention of divorcing him ASAP. Then if you happen to get divorced, then you are able to re-marry ex-husband. Almost like a way to punish the guy for divorcing.....I am guessing out of anger otherwise why would he want to re-marry the lady again?

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Re: Getting back with ex-husband

but you cannot just divorce your second husband...sleep with him and then divorce...how people ridicule Allah, his Prophets and the law they bring...Shame on such a thought...

why divorce your first husband then? Does that make sense? Are you on crack? Are you a ??? Sorry that I say that...

This is why divorce in first place is hated by Allah the most! You wanna make Allah angry? then go and suffer. That is your punishment. There must be a solid reason you want to divorce your second husband.