Getting a place of your own

geminifromkhi · August 14, 2015, 9:32pm

Re: Getting a place of your own

Few thoughts:

Don’t make up things out of thin air. I never wrote that you and I can do anything overnight.

Yes you didnt say that, not directly anyway.

Cultural norms/traditions don’t have overnight. It takes time. Every major cultural change takes time. But it all starts with every day people like us and how we think/handle situations. By supporting the idea that a bahu should live with the in-laws simply b/c the inlaws are lonely/sad/need to be closer to their grandkids etc…and refusing the apply the same treatment to the bahu’s parents is hypocritical. Change won’t even start to happen as long as people continue to support ideas like this. If a friend of mine was feeling this way, I would ask her what I wrote earlier…whether she feels the same way about leaving her mother. If a bahu can deal with the guilt of leaving her own mother, then she can deal with the guilt of leaving MIL. If a woman’s mother can handle the sadness from having her daughter move out, then a MIL can deal with the sadness of having her son move out. Change happens in baby steps. As women, it’s up to us to lead this cultural norm by treating all other women the same instead of giving special treatment to a woman b/c she gave birth to a boy (which btw leads to plenty of problems even before the boys get married).
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Like I said, traditionally girls leave their parent’s house after marriage. Girls and their moms are used to that, they know it will happen. But parents do not expect their sons to move out after they get married. Whether this practice is right or wrong is another debate altogether, but this is how it is like it or not.

Most parents give dowry to their daughters after marriage, why dont husbands get dowry too? MILs criticize their DILs for trivial stuff like getting up at 11 am instead of 10 am, not doing dishes on time etc, would they dare say such things to their son in law? Never! Dont MILs in our culture give more respect to their sons in law than DILs? Arent most MILS misogynists? Do you think most son in laws will treat their MILs and DILs with respect if they move in with them, given the mentality of our Pakistani men who dont even respect their own wives, let alone their parents.

In a perfect world everything will happen like the way you want.
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3) LOL…I don’t know about your parents but mine don’t need a damad or anyone else to serve them chai. Both my parents are more than capable and willing to make their own chai.
Guess I need to teach some people a thing or two about figurative language. But anyways, may Allah give long life and health to your parents.

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