Re: Getting a place of your own
Good for her. I’m at that age where half the people are married and half are not so it’s really freaky to see mothers without a single activity beyond their kids. No interests, not even dastarkhwan walay shows. It’s these type of people who will just wither away. In my family once you hit 50 vacations with husband, house riding, painting, fashion designing all begin because these women have been waiting for ages for their kids to become independent so they can start having fun again.
Ps: I did suddenly remember my phupi (okay don’t laugh guys. She’s a really nice lady) who doesn’t go out of the house so for her it would hell on earth to live alone. The first time her son went out to eat out with his new wife she called up my dad to complain because she couldn’t understand why anyone wanted to eat out and how it wasn’t normal. My dad had to make her promise she wasnt going to say anything when they came back home. She lives in a small town so I get why someone like her could choke living alone.
Someone I know made an interesting point a few days ago.
She was thinking of taking up a hobby…photography, painting, volunteering, etc.
I asked her why? She has her hands full with her kid at home plus working full time.
She said that’s true for now but someday he will leave. He will go to school, work, get married and who knows where that will take him (she has only one child - a boy - there are no plans for another). I don’t want to sit home and wait for him every night. I want to stay busy, productive and be happy that way…plus if I don’t he will always feel guilty doing things for himself. He will be too worried about me to really enjoy life.
One last thing…we are four girls…no boys. My parents don’t have a bahu. When I moved out (was the last to go)…they were sad. So was I. It meant them being alone at home.
In the beginning, we struggled. I to stay home and not run to them all the time. And them to stop missing me.
With time, they’ve learned some things and so have I:
It is not wrong for people who are older with kids that are not living with them to do things on their own. Its good for them.
Our parents are stronger than we think…hello…they raised us!
There is no right or wrong answer here to this age old question, however, I think that one thing is not being highlighted here…the changing dynamics of family’s settled abroad. I have no brothers, but I’ll still use my mom as an example. She settled in the US as a young newlywed over 40 years ago. She had a career, raised her kids, volunteered, was involved in local civic politics, had a very active social life etc. She wasn’t the type to sit at home getting bored waiting for her kids or damads or bahus (if she had one lol) to take her somewhere or do something for her.
Ideally it would be great if all Pakistani women were like that. It would be great to have parents who have activities that keep them occupied so that leaving them behind wont feel like a crime. I mean who can deny that living alone after marriage is more fun than living with in laws. Some one above mentioned her phupi, that kinda love can be confining and choking.
Most women from the previous generation were NOT working women, and their lives revolved around their children. Can we now blame them for loving their children too much?
An aunt of mine worked all her life, and is still working. Her kids are married, and live in different cities. She never really complains but everyone can sense sadness in her voice. She isnt the same person anymore. No matter how many activities and hobbies you have, there will still be emptiness inside if you get to see your kids only a couple of times a year.