I hear this argument thrown around a lot here…
its said so often and so deterministic as if its bound to happen to each and everyone..godforbid…
why don’t you people also mention the risk of having miscarriage/abnormal kids/pregnancy complications as a result of having kids later? Is there some sort of a less risk of that happening compared to someone’s husband dying/disabled?
Why you people give onesided twisted view on every matter?
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
Massive, massive difference between the original argument "invest in education because you may have to financially support yourself/family at some point in life" and get a career because your husband will die.
As with your second point, well that essentially belongs to the parenting section and I'm sure its been discussed many times.
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
you can add as many qualifiers and words as you want......the crux of the statement is same......your husband may die/disabled and the divorce........
the second point relates to the delay in marriage and how nobody ever mentions the repercussion of marrying late when talking about career.......
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
you can add as many qualifiers and words as you want......the crux of the statement is same......your husband may die/disabled and the divorce........
the second point relates to the delay in marriage and how nobody ever mentions the repercussion of marrying late when talking about career.......
For sake of argument, what's wrong with that?
I don't think people talk about marrying in 40s when they say establish a career before marrying. It's not uncommon to have people on a stable career path at the age of 25 or even before that....it varies from field to field.
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
....For sake of argument, what's wrong with that?
Nothing.......but telling someone to make decision on that basis and not telling about the other risks is kinda bad....
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
ButtSb - A woman can easily do both. Just because she gets educated and spends a few years building her career, this does not mean she will end up having kids in her 40s. Most married women, get their university degree, work a few years and still end up having a kid or two before 30. Relax man.
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die…
Most of us focus on a woman’s age when it comes to birth defects a little too much. A man’s age is very important also.
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
Given so many women in the previous generation would have been incapable of supporting themselves and their family if something happened (death/divorce), it's no wonder that women in this generation want to ensure they wouldn't be in the same situation.
It's not like death/divorce are uncommon.
I'm pretty sure everyone is aware of the risks of having children later. I don't see the issue with the skewed viewpoint on here because offline young women are constantly hounded to have kids earlier/asap.
I don't think it's right that anyone should expect to be looked after all their life. People should be able to function with a degree of independence. That doesn't just mean financially, but emotionally and in being able to make sensible decisions. I hate needy people.
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
While it's true that both the miscarriage rate and the risk of having a baby with Down's syndrome (1/100 at 35 years of age, 1/400 at 40) increase with age, many career women in the West have very normal babies in their mid-late 30s
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
The whole marrying late only applies to certain people who keep educating on and on until their 30's.
Most careers aren't like that, if you were on your A-ball you should be working by mid-20's
It's not just older mothers that can have an impact on birth defect rate, same for fathers. So guys should be married and take responsibility for a wife and kids early on.
None of this issue of girl gets married at 19 and the guy can be 30.
Although I don't see how it's impossible or difficult for anyone to complete it further education after being married,
Supportive spouse is important.
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
With the demands of requiring food to be prepared and on the table, new dishes every day, and cooking for not just a husband +/- kids but maybe his whole family - his mom, brothers, sisters, their in-laws, whoever else is living in the hen house, daily cleaning, washing dishes, chores, cleaning up after kids --> difficult to keep up with studies.
I say finish at least college first, and be employ-able, and then think about marriage, optimally finish grad school.
No one's ovaries or testes are falling apart at 25-40 age range.
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die…
Just invest in a good gym plan as you get older, so you have energy to have lots of nightly sex. :k:
Pcg, my wife finished her undergrad after we were married, her masters after 2 kids and a full time job, and continues with education, even toying with the idea of a PhD. I completed an executive program with full time work, which included heavy domestic and international travel and a family.
It's doable. And majority of ladies I come across, even newly we'd are in their own places with a fairly sensible and supportive guy and not some tribal compound
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
Not everyone is supermom and super couple!
Pcg, my wife finished her undergrad after we were married, her masters after 2 kids and a full time job, and continues with education, even toying with the idea of a PhD. I completed an executive program with full time work, which included heavy domestic and international travel and a family.
It's doable. And majority of ladies I come across, even newly we'd are in their own places with a fairly sensible and supportive guan and not some tribal compound
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
I wouldn't put my daughter in a risky situation of marriage during or before college, desi families have shown themselves to be highly unrealiable in this regard. You supported your wife, but for every guy like you, there are 10 who will not be supportive to their wives intentionally or unintentionally.
Depends on work load too from school/job.
Not everyone is supermom and super couple!
But I don't see us as an anomaly. Sister did her residency and fellowship etc after marriage and with kids.
Multiple doctor cousins did the same, law school for two, a guy and a girl, after getting married.
One dude, who decided to go to med school after being married, went to it, did it.
The point is that it's doable, many many cases out there, guys and girls both. Depends on the people involved and the types of families.
You supported your wife, but for every guy like you, there are 10 who will not be supportive to their wives intentionally or unintentionally.
So the key is finding the right person for one's needs, requirements and situations. Point is that given certain conditions, mostly in individual's control, it is possible.
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
Alota people change, they'll say they'll help but then don't. I have a friend who got married very early, they guys family had promised to help her continue her education, they did not. I honestly, believe she would not have to face half the problems she's facing today had she waited until she had graduated to get married.There's plenty of similar stories out there. I know there's a lota good people out there and not every girls is as unlucky as my friend, but it happens.It's not even about the husband dying, education is important.In may ways it's a higher priority than marriage and to a large extend marriage and education go hand in hand, most people would want their spouse to be well educated.
It's about weighing the pros and cons I guess, the truth of the matter is most people end up having healthy children even in their late 30's, it's actually very common nowadays.My mother got married when she was 32, Alhamdolillah she had no complications.If Allah has written healthy children in your future then he won't allow age to be a problem. If you were to look at both sides the only reason why you would solely continue to focus on building a career would be if you were afraid, you would not find someone like minded who would support you in your endeavours and sometimes, believe it or not, such people are not easy to find. I don't think it's right to say that in such cases getting married should be given more importance and one should just get married leaving their education behind, I think we all know and value the importance of education.
Re: Getting a career because your husband may die......
Points of view are shaped by what you've seen growing up. X2's family may be pretty tolerant, but that's not the majority of Pakistanis out there.
Do you guys ever open the news and see the crazy that is running amock on the streets of Pakistan? They're not half educated themselves, you think they will support their 16 yr old newly married bride access to college? They're more liable to run into a news camera and break their nose.