Re: Get to know him
^ Who said love was the reason for a successful marriage? it is part of the key but not the only factor...
we're talking about getting to know one another before marrying them... not loving them or worshipping the ground they walk on
Re: Get to know him
And my point is that you cannot know the other person without marriage. If that was not the case, then the people who live together to "observe" each other before marriage and then get married, should have been the most successful in their marriages. There has been no evidence in that regards.
Re: Get to know him
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Re: Get to know him
There are different types of "get to know him/her". WitchDr has a point, meetings arranged by parents where the sole purpose is to get the couple to talk about marriage usually conceal more than they reveal. Both parties are on their best behaviour and may not divulge how they really feel or think. This is usually due to pressure from both sides.
But then some people can get to know each other over a longer period of time, friends through college or at work, or friend's brother/sister. This way they've seen the good and the bad with no pretenses whatsoever.
Re: Get to know him
Yeah, my mom said if I get a rishta dont tell them that I dont plan on living in Pak EVER, dont tell them that I talk to guys in school, or have guy friends or that I come home late at night (7 PM) 
I think when u enter a friendship with no intention whatsoever to be marry that person or even marry period, thas the best way to know them
Re: Get to know him
Sara: Most girls and boys don't think like you. They try to portray their best part before marriage and after marriage things do not look the same. The other thing is that "Love is blind". Once you are in love, you tend to overlook other person's drawbacks.
Re: Get to know him
Witchy, for me its not hiding my "worst parts"/bad habits but rather outright lying about what I wanna do with my future; my life over there vs *the life i THINK i would lead here, I think those r pretty pathetic things to hide n will only lead to misery
Re: Get to know him
This issue is very delicate. Even though I'm going to be demonized for this, I'm gonna say it anyway cause thats how I truly feel: When a couple has a daughter, they really have to be careful in how they approch her upbringing, especially at age 12 and onwards. I really feel that interaction with the oppisite sex (i.e. boys) should be kept to a minimum. See, girls who are outgoing, opinionated, and independent-seeking have their positive side; but these girls, in my opinion, are going to run into problems when they get married. The mother-in-law, the family, the husband, all these factors will bring them back to reality and teach them that having an opinion about everything is not such a good thing.
I would absolutely love to have a daughter, but I pray to Allah that before giving me a daughter, give me a son so he can look after her in school and other social contexts.
Re: Get to know him
Inshallah I hope to have sons, so that there'll be less guys like you around in the future :)
Re: Get to know him
I feel a bit different, infact, a lot different. Girls are much easier to upbring than boys. If there is a good relationship between the mommy and the daddy, the girls grow up to be of positive character. If their home is their comfort zone, they will never seek comfort from a stranger. I will love my kids to be independent (make their own decision about what is right and what is wrong) and self-confident. I will not differenciate between boys and girls (I don’t think I would have 
).
The more you will try to suppress independent thinking, the more mistakes they are prone to make in their lives.
Re: Get to know him
I am sorry to say but you're an example of a girl who has come to North America and forgotten her traditions and values. Now I can see why your parents don't let you stay out late. You're exactly the type of girl I was reffering to. Sara bibi, choose your mate very carefully; Khuda na kasta if you're stuck with a mian bhai, things could get ugly (Allah na karay).
Coming back to New York would be a good idea for you because staying in lahore (assuming thats where you are now), this type of attitude will not fly.
Re: Get to know him
WitchDr, it is impossible to bring up girls the same way as boys. They are too different from each other. Girls can’t do certain things that boys can do and vice versa. Parents have to be lot more careful with girls; this is a fact of life. I am not saying completely keep girls from living a normal life; that is not my stance. However, when certain issues come up with the oppisite sex; parents really have to buckle down. I know this sounds over the top but thats how many pakistani parents have raised their daughters who have become perfectly matured pakistani ladies and wives.
Re: Get to know him
it’s true, boys are violent and lazy…mothers have to constantly watch out to teach them morality, ie not to beat other people, and hard work spirit…cause boys are so lazy …raising boys is so tiring that mothers of daughters live on average 2 years longer than mothers of boys:blush:
Re: Get to know him
that’s true…taht’s why people entering relations with the goal of finding a spouse must be strong and clear in their thinking…and know EXACTLY the kind of mate they’re looking for…that way they focus on “suitable” people…and can thereafter fall in love blindly:D
in fact we should not oppose arranged and love marriage…because they are basically the same…the only difference is that the first case it’s your parents who meet people and present them o you…while in the second case it’s you who meet people yourself:D
failing mariage are those of people with no will to live together on the long run…because stupid love shove precipitation, individualistic feminist wife who can’t accept the obligations of family ties, individualistic screwing around men who can’t accept the obligation of family ties…and of course forced marriage (unfotunately a lot of “arranged” marriage are in fact forced marriage…at least for the girl:bummer:)
Re: Get to know him
OooOo okay! So why shouldn’t I be allowed to stay out late unkil jee? Coz I am such an immoral American-raised desi girl who has no values or traditions that she’ll come home pregnant at the first taste of freedom? Just because I dont have the same paindu type thinking as you–that light skin ppl r better, or grls need to be locked up so that they dont come home pregnant, as you doesnt mean I have no values or traditions.
Like someone said above, no use blaming community and culture because WE are hte ones who are part of the community and culture. How can you assume that grls who were treated very strictly grow up to be mature women? Do you know them personally? You dont have a sister, so no use in saying “what I WOULD do”. You seem to be saying that women who r given freedom and a voice do not turn out as mature “proper” Pakistani women. So your argument that an independent, strong opinionated woman will not be an asset to any desi marriage, well sorry to say but thats your own messed up thinking that you see those type of women as threats to your manhood 
I will do everything I can to find my own mate, takay God forbid, my parents find me someone like you
Re: Get to know him
Perfection is an illusion and ideals do not exist. Buckle down. Never. Yes. I shall stand up for my kids.
You might be in for a big surprise after marriage, Pakistani girls are not submissive as they appear from a distant.
For me anything reasonable a boy can do, a girl can do as well. There are the same moral requirements for both. These are the facts from Islam. Islam does not allow the boys the liberty to do anything they want and girls to be tied down in cages lest they commit sin. A lot depends on how the kids are brought up. If you upkeep high moral values yourself, your kids (both boys and girls) will follow your path. If the boys in a family are screwing around, you think girls will be much different. I doubt.
Re: Get to know him
While at it, it'd be nice if someone can shed some light on what are some questions that could be asked without offending or hurting someone's ego? In addition, what are some things that should be considered or if noticed could reveal a lot about the individual? And no, I'm not asking for things such as tall, fair, only child, and the like.
among many innocent questions asked. Only One question that was from my now wife;
Q. Where is Allah?
My answer was more or less correct. I realised only couple of days back after so many years while reading a book how much important that innocent looking question was :)
Re: Get to know him
just cuz a girl came back at u doesnt mean u freak out and attack her character Rolleyes. its quite commendable for an american born desi girl to be able to adjust so well with parent's restrictions. someone really needs to shut their trap.
sorry for the off topic post :)
Re: Get to know him
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Re: Get to know him
hahah kids!
as long as desi women (paki or abcd) continue to frown upon the concept of arranged marriages, they'll continue getting beaten up in the 'open market' by better candidates; who bring good looks, an expensive education and a rich daddy to the table.
THAT's what the cute guy you've been pining for wants and will get, so don't waste your time and give the nice guys a chance; that includes the ones your parents arrange for you.