So … your daughter/son wants you to buy him Wii/Xbox/Sony blah blah new video games, or iPad, Kindle … etc.
Do you just buy it for 'em?
Do you have any point system, or age-to-gadget ratio ..
Like, when you will be in middle school you can have a phone.
I ask because, I am more on the conservative side of not buying kids cos you can and they want one. But I also don’t want to hold back just for a sake of holding back.
Basically, what values/rules you have for them for say TV in their room, time on the internet, owning their ipod?
i bought a kindle for my daugter that she did not like after a while. They already have enough gadgets at home so she does not want anymore ..EXCEPT FOR THE PHONE. She is on our case for that and we keep asking her to give us the justification of why she needs one. She is working on the project of coming up with a business case.
We dont have an internet time, but our duaghters are not internet crazy. All the love to do is to play some princess dress up game on Ipad or watch something on netflix. They are also not in TV, although I would never put TV in their room. We dont have any TV in any of our bedrooms, just one in the family room.
I am looking for what is your thought process behind it.
For example, no tv in bedrooms .. is it because (1) you didn't have tv when you were little? (2) You think you won't know what they will be watching? (3) We should all watch TV together? (4) TV is bad, the less the better? (5) I can't afford it?
The reasoning part. ... like why did you buy your daughter a kindle? Did she ask for it? Did she earn it by being first in a spelling bee at school? Or for her birthday? Eid maybe?
TV: I know that if TV is in bedroom, they will keep watching. happened with us when we had TV in our bedroom and we use to keep watching cooking shows till like 12:30. Waste of useful day, next day.
I bought her kindle cause she is in reading books. I thought she could download books and have her collection going, but llike her mother, she is in real books, not e-books. Its not that the older one is not techy. She loves gadget but I want them to have a balanced attitude and not to be a tech junky.
Unfortunately we don not have "earning" system in our house. Over all, my daughters are pretty decent kids and we every now and then keep buying something for them. I usually sold their old gadgets on craigslist and buy them new ones. Like I sold their old playstation 2 and PSP and bought them Wii and DSi's. Now I am thinking of selling those and probably buy them a Xbox
She wants a phone. I am trying to convince her to get an Ipod-Touch instead but she is not in music and does not want Ipod cause screen size is small for her.
Absolutely no TV in room , they need to be supervised as to what they watch.
No cellphone till there is a need for it . For example of they have to stay late at school because of some extra curricular activity or school bus break down.
Computer time restricted to a couple of hours , they can do their homework on it during that time or they can have fun , but the computer has to be in the living room where we could see what they are doing on it.
Our laptop is locked to the table therefore it cannot be moved.
They have 3 different kind of game console , and time is restriced on their use too.
TLK, what is her reasoning for her wanting her phone? Cos others have it?
Mirch, how old are your kid(s)?
I give my daughter a little freedom on the computer so she doesn't feel like I am totally 'monitoring' her all the time. Because I know eventually she will be on her own and I can't watch over her all the time. Just as I let her walk to the bus stop on her own (something that was and still is very hard to do for me)
ahmadjee, I am a very paranoid father and I believe that my daughters should have a phone in case of emergency, so I am not going to deny her one. Its just that I want her to justify that to me too. For the time being, her biggest selling point is that because some kids of her class has them. I told her that this is not convincing till I ask one of those kids that why do they need one (or their parents).
She wants it so she feels like a grownup, that is it. I know that once she has it, all she would do is to text me and her mom all day long
At an age where they need supervision , guidance , counseling , mentoring and disciplining all at the same time.
Does that clarify a bit the need for those kind of rules which I have in place ?
My boys aren’t familiar with Xbox/wii/sony and kindle…they know about ipad coz their father has it but they’ve never asked for owning one. My eldest (7 n half years) often asks for a trip to New York and the middle one wants to live in Africa among the animals.
This is what I anticipate in her 1.1 mile ride home from school:
Her: Mom, I just got in the bus.
Me: OK, see ya
Her: Mom, sis is sitting with xyz
Me: OK cool
Her: Mom, guess who I’m sitting with?
Me: abc?
Her: No, guess again. with a bunch of smilies.
While I’m guessing, another text/email with pic/video clip en route
Me: you’re sitting with lmn
Her: yeahhhhh mom, you’re right.
Her: mom, guess what?
Me: what?
Her: Can you believe this guy got into a fight with this other guy on the bus!!!
Me: OK tell me when you get home
Her: Oh mommmm I can see you waiting outside. Wait, I’m coming down.
Me:
Her: OK mom, I’m here. Can you see me? How do I look?
My 8 yr old is a techno gadget junky!! He swears up and down that he’s the ONLY kid on the planet that does not have an iphone! Too bad, so sad. I am not concerned with what goes on in other households…lol!!! He will not get a phone until he reaches middle school, and then, it will be whatever late model we have laying around in the junk drawer!!
I made him earn the Ipod. His grades were always hovering around 87-89…ONLY because he was being lazy. He would do the homework. Put the homework in his backpack (not in the turn in folder!). Take the backpack to school. Yet, somehow, the homework would not make it to the teacher’s desk…lol! So I told him that if he maintained a 90+ in EVERY subject, he could have my Iphone 3GS (without a sim!!) when I upgraded my phone. And he did it, Mashallah! So yes, I gave him my old phone, BUT…our boys are only allowed “screentime” meaning, TV,Wii, Ipad, Iphone etc monday-thursday 4:00-5:00pm, and then as long as they’ve finished hw, and dinner and completed quran class, they can get back on for 15-20 minutes before their 8:30 bedtime. Fridays & Saturdays are more leniant. Sundays not at all, as that is our “family” day…
There laptop has parental controled time lock, they can’t even log in past a certain time…Absolutely NO tv’s allowed in their bedrooms…they have their own 40" LED in their playroom
The twins, who are 6, have Gameboys (handed down from older cousins who outgrew them!). We are kind of strict in that regard. I don’t believe in instant gratification. There is a time and place for everything, and if something is age appropriate, we will consider it..AFTER they work for it.
Waisay, when my eldest was in KG, he did not want to ever work on the handwriting practice sheets…he told his teacher he could “just email it to her when he got home”
Despite me being totally against a phone for our eldest (12) hubby got him one on one of his achievements. I didn’t really opposed it then as I knew its no use. But soon the hubby dearest discovered that he is totally getting distracted due to this…I stepped in (being the bad cop) n took it away. We did talk about it and he admitted he was getting distracted due to phone… Now he takes it 5 times a day when going to mosque (for security reasons) n places it back in my drawer when returns…
I’ve quite a conservative approach, i would say…n me n my hubby are often not on the same page in this regard. But I’m fine with it…coz I know it helps keep balance.
They have Wii and PSP but they are not too crazy about it. I have a 40 minutes limit for screen time for them…only on saturdays they get 1.5 hrs. We often give them incentives and they get thrilled…I feel at the age of my boys (12 n 10) rewards should be earned. My daughters (8 and 4 years old) too have a reward list up in our kitchen but they are not into that stuff yet…my 8 years old is dreaming to get a pair of roller skates if she gets A+ in Urdu
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Basically, what values/rules you have for them for say TV in their room, time on the internet, owning their ipod?
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hubby and I are very conservative when it comes to USE of gadgets despite having everything in the house.
DS - only for trips
Computer use - 30 minutes a day
T.V use - 30 minutes a day
i pod - they can use mine for trips.
I encourage reading, art& crafts and playing. I told my 7 year she can have wii when she finishes the Quran. No cellphones until middle school because I am with them and no t.v in their room EVER.
hubby and I are very conservative when it comes to USE of gadgets despite having everything in the house.
DS - only for trips
Computer use - 30 minutes a day
T.V use - 30 minutes a day
i pod - they can use mine for trips.
I encourage reading, art& crafts and playing. I told my 7 year she can have wii when she finishes the Quran. No cellphones until middle school because I am with them and no t.v in their room EVER.
I agree with NJ my kids watch TV on weekends , in school days usually they have activities so we come late around 6 and they have home work, dinner family time, Quran and thats their day. But if they don't have home work I will let them watch for half an hour. My ten year old daughter had I pod and she doesn't use it that much just for games sometimes. I let them use internet for half an hour sometimes. I am very conservative about cell phones, I will buy them when they will be 13 but lets see. For me playing outside, riding a bike , making arts & crafts, doing puzzles or even playing carom board is better. If they like reading I prefer books.
Although my daughter wants cell phone so badly but I am gonna give it some time. Because I pick her up from school, and if she has to attend extra class she calls me from office and she waits for me in the school and if she is going to parties I lend her my cell phone.
Do you guys know the 5 why rule? You believe something but you ask yourself why? Give your self an answer then ask why again and repeat 3 more times.
What I clearly see from this thread:
- More than 30-60 minutes of screen time is bad:
- TV in the room is bad.
- Cell phones before teens is bad
- gadgets need to be earned.
So let me try asking myself why from the one above that I truly believe in.
Gadgets/Toys need to be earned
Why?
Because if I just buy my kids things occasionally they will not learn all the hard work that goes into having the ability to buy them that stuff.
Why?
Because for them it will just be stuff that comes without an effort on their part and they will expect life to be like that but life clearly isn't like that.
Why?
Because we all need to experience things to understand them. Experiencing earning something will tell them that they have to work for their wants.
Why?
Because it is a value that I want them to grow up with.
Why?
Because it is a value I grew up with and I would like to pass it on to my kids.
Can I ask someone to do the same for ... say Cell phones bad bad for kids? Please.
Do you guys know the 5 why rule? You believe something but you ask yourself why? Give your self an answer then ask why again and repeat 3 more times.
What I clearly see from this thread:
- More than 30-60 minutes of screen time is bad:
- TV in the room is bad.
- Cell phones before teens is bad
- gadgets need to be earned.
So let me try asking myself why from the one above that I truly believe in.
Gadgets/Toys need to be earned
Why?
Because if I just buy my kids things occasionally they will not learn all the hard work that goes into having the ability to buy them that stuff.
Why?
Because for them it will just be stuff that comes without an effort on their part and they will expect life to be like that but life clearly isn't like that.
Why?
Because we all need to experience things to understand them. Experiencing earning something will tell them that they have to work for their wants.
Why?
Because it is a value that I want them to grow up with.
Why?
Because it is a value I grew up with and I would like to pass it on to my kids.
Can I ask someone to do the same for ... say Cell phones bad bad for kids? Please.
I am aware of the 5 why rules and in fact that is one rule that confuses me between whether I am posing restrictions on my kids because rest of the world is doing so or is it because I really think that gadgets are not good for their upbringing.
I personally think that in this day and age, my both daughters (even the 5 1/2 years old) should have a way of reaching us in case of emergency. Those days are gone when things were safe and you could even trust a stranger that he/she will walk your kids home in case of mishap. To be honest, I am worried more about my kids than the 'standards" that "good parenting protocols' have set for us parents.
But TLK, why would your child not be safe? At this age, when are they really alone? They are either at school or with one of the parents and both parents have cell phones.
My bigger concern is causing a distraction. Heck I know my phone is a distraction for me. I play with new features and listen to songs and surf the net....a little child will be even more attracted to it all. So while should could be reading or playing, she'd be on the phone. Next she will add friends. Next texting...and it goes on and on.
But again, I do understand your concern as a (paranoid) parent.
