why does it have to be that way? why is there no time out there on your own?
i’m not opposed to getting married, but very little, if anything has come to me in the form of prospects
and i don’t know when that’s going to change
so why can’t i go pursue other things in the meantime?
i don’t know i want to get a job in New York or something…an idea which gives my mother palpitations
i’m not going to meet anyone sitting at home anyways, even if i’m not looking for “dating” nor am i remotely a fan of the picture exchange
so i’m supposed to look for a job close enough to my small little town, or even if go work in the big town near by i’m supposed to drive (which let me tell you is some of the worst traffic in the country)
it’s not that i want to leave my family necessarily, but im read for something new something different and waiting around for a husband to be that something new or different is NOT what i mean
i like the idea of being single and doing my own thing, but coming and going from home as i please…not that i expect my husband to limit that or anything, its just that at that point you do have to take another persons feelings and expectations in consideration as at the point you are no longer a single person
there are so many things i’d like to see and do
why do i have to wait around til my single status changes
Re: from living with parents to living with a husband
714, i dont think abt it anymore cz if u hav thots like a good job n doin sumthin good 4 ur life(u know what i mean) its like
n ofcourse being engaged, i know 1st its parents n then miyan(husband ji)
lolz! but Alhumdulilah i’m very happy with my life… may ALLAH bless us all. (Ameen)…
so,is it like ur done with ur studies n’ waitin 4 a good rishta as it happens in our culture? or lookin 4 a good job. sumtimes husbands are very supportive n’ let their wives do wtevr they wish to.jus pray to Allah that u get a good husband
Re: from living with parents to living with a husband
714: Your post is filled with "I know" "I don't know" "I understand" "I can't" and "why"?
It seems that a lot IS going on in your life, but you are conflicted to which direction you should take. Many go through with the same state and don't want to waste THIS time of their lives as it amounts to life long memories. If a job is the answer than go for it, you'll make a career out of it, but if it is something bigger and of higher value than you know what it is and you have to decide whether to persue it or not.
Re: from living with parents to living with a husband
714......how old are you? see if you are in your 20s then your parents will want you to stay at home until marriage. Thats just the way it is in our culture and I completely agree with it at least from an Islamic perspective. However, if no one comes along for you (inshAllah i hope that you do find someone) and you are in your 30s + trust me things will change for you. You will be able to move once you put your foot down and you will be able to make decisions for yourself....and your parents will not have much say in the matter. Trust me...i've seen this happen in many instances.
Re: from living with parents to living with a husband
ohhh 714 u posted the wrong topic, now b ready for the lectures and the dos and donts of a MUSALMAN. Now comin to ur query well girl this is mainly ur choice, either u r with the society or u r against it, u cant b neutral or on middle ground. If u r wid da society or u wanna b in it and with it then i am sorry to say but the scenario u portrayed in ur initial post thats wat u will be goin thru, but if u go against even though u don do n e fin wrong u will b tagged wid stuff that will make u laugh at times and piss u off at times in other words OUTKAST, thats wat i am pretty much now and everyone (relatives) use me as an example of somin bad :k: In the end u gotta live wid ur choice and i love it.
Re: from living with parents to living with a husband
714, I was on my own in NYC for a while, something I'd recommend for a daughter if I had one! My parents of course worried about me all the time but they'd worry no matter what yeah? Maybe if you persue a place to live in the city with a couple of other gals they might feel better about it?
In the end, I came to the conclusion that it was fun, it was very nice to be independant and earning a good living for myself and it was heaven not to worry about what things cost and to be able to eat out or go to a show, just do whatever I wanted....a great experience. But a hollow one if you get what I mean. I worry about bills and house repairs now, never get to sleep late with the boys and all that - but know what? Life is SO full and SO good!
It may be that I HAD my independance for a while and I know for sure that I can do it again if I have to. But since I DID have that experience, I had my boyz at a later age and find myself wishing to trade those years of indulgence for years of being with the boys.
Grass is always greener I guess!
Re: from living with parents to living with a husband
it will be good if u convince ur parents that u need to 'Live' a little before u go ahead and get married.. i think parents just worry no matter what.. they wait for you to show the right amount of wanting and enthusiasm for something. if u show that u already got this awsome job at so and so place and the living arrangement is something like mama of 3 described.. they will say ok/ but they will never just agree when u dont have any solid reasons..
please live ur heart b4 getting married otherwise ull expect all this from ur marriage and if it doesnt happen.. u'll feel miserable..
Re: from living with parents to living with a husband
^ yup, you gotta make things happen for you... sitting around waiting is going to do nothing. if you want a job in NY, get one! be pro-active and show your parents you're ready for change and more responsibility. sitting around at home and just feeling restless but not expressing it, will lead to nothing anywhere. you most likely will end up with a husband and fam and always wonder what things would have been like if you'd struck out on your own when you'd wanted to.
i've done the living alone thing and its fab. being married is also fab but in a different way. but i know 100% if i hadn't lived alone, i would have been very restless and unhappy just heading straight into marriage... mainly cos i would never have met my hubs sitting home! i also wanted to get the independence itch out of my system... i needed to know what it was like to manage bills and payments and money and be responsible and grown up. i needed that for the experience and for the confidence it brought about in me. and believe it or not, i ended up becoming much closer to my parents than i was because i was taking out all my resentment, at being stuck home with nothing to do, on them! not a good scene.
Re: from living with parents to living with a husband
714 ny has bad traffic jams too. maybe u can get a job in that city, and take train into downtown so u dont have to deal nwith traffic, and get your own place close to your folks (not too close not too far). I think that is something you can convince them of, saying u want to try living on your own. not the perfect solution but it has a higher probability of working without much issues, ..or that can be your fall back position, start with you need to move to xyz city for better opportunity.
I think it varies from family to family, i knew girls who went to school in a diff state or in a diff city in the same state, lived in dorms, later had apartments, got jobs in the city etc.
Re: from living with parents to living with a husband
it will be good if u convince ur parents that u need to 'Live' a little before u go ahead and get married.. i think parents just worry no matter what.. they wait for you to show the right amount of wanting and enthusiasm for something. if u show that u already got this awsome job at so and so place and the living arrangement is something like mama of 3 described.. they will say ok/ but they will never just agree when u dont have any solid reasons..
please live ur heart b4 getting married otherwise ull expect all this from ur marriage and if it doesnt happen.. u'll feel miserable..
i would recommend against girls waiting too long before getting married; if, hypothetically, any girl turns down a proposal because of 'living a little' then its truly a risk. there are no guarantees another proposal will come and as we all know there is a certain time frame for girls to get married; after which the divorcees or older men become the only choice.
that’s the point! why do i have to wait for this mard? and what if he never comes?? then what?!
now b ready for the lectures and the do