I ntoice there are a lot of married people on this forum so i have a question…
Do you tend to give up your friends after marriage?..
I dont like to say boys get ‘whipped’ when they are married but from persoanl experience anyone that i know that has got married literally is seen once every few months or at gatherings…
I guess its a combination of work and partner which does this…they almost always invariably have no time for anyone other than their family and wife once married…I dont know whether its the idea that when you are with friends you may be slightly irresponsible…my engaged friend doesnt come out much anymore and i get the impression that he wants to become more conservative which is not what happens with friends…
May sound like a dig but it actually isnt…i just hope i dont turn out the same…i understand i cant to certain things cos im responsible once im married but id like to think ill still see my friends once im married with kids…
Just the way it seems is once married life becomes about your wife, kids and work…
Is this an inaccuarate generalisation?..and are men and women the same in this respect?..
It all depends on your spouse.
I never prevented my hubby from talking/meeting his
exs or socalled female friends.
However, I did suggest female friends can come over to
a cup of tea and they could chit chat without any problems,
but I wouldnt feel so great about having lunch/dinner or
meeting in cafe for several hours.......
Destiny is a funny thing. He met his second wife at coffee-shop
where she worked. I knew as fiancee about her at early stage
and I did warn him (because he told me, she is borrowing one
of his mobiles with connection etc) NOT to tell me later on, they
are having an affair or such.
My hubby, soon to be ex, felt VERY insecure when I would work
or meet friends at Christmas etc. He would constantly call and
at end spoil my mood, so I would go home early.
Or if I told him, Im going out with mother to have dinner,
he would insist to talk with my mother during dinner at restaurant
or grill-hourse. It was a loooooong engagement, so I guess, he
just fell for a paki born desi as himself.
After marriage, I invited his ex to dinner along with husband, but
she insisted to keep it secret and I cancelled the dinner.
Lot of women would call, but the thing that really got me, was
as new wed bride, his affair fling would come to our door and
haresh me. I have lot of patience, but Allahjee knows, seeing her
touching and giving hugs to my hubby was enough to make me
want to rip her heart out.
Trust is all or nothing. Too many partners whom are very strict seems
to have no problem to be very free when it comes to themselves.
Everything should be in moderation and within the bounderies of
decency.
I ntoice there are a lot of married people on this forum so i have a question....
Do you tend to give up your friends after marriage?...
I dont like to say boys get 'whipped' when they are married but from persoanl experience anyone that i know that has got married literally is seen once every few months or at gatherings...
I guess its a combination of work and partner which does this...they almost always invariably have no time for anyone other than their family and wife once married...I dont know whether its the idea that when you are with friends you may be slightly irresponsible...my engaged friend doesnt come out much anymore and i get the impression that he wants to become more conservative which is not what happens with friends...
May sound like a dig but it actually isnt...i just hope i dont turn out the same...i understand i cant to certain things cos im responsible once im married but id like to think ill still see my friends once im married with kids...
Just the way it seems is once married life becomes about your wife, kids and work...
Is this an inaccuarate generalisation?...and are men and women the same in this respect?...
If you're the type who's always chattin with his buddies or hanging out with them, going out whenever, doing wahtever, thats acceptable if ur single..but when ur married, doing the same thing, is just irresponsible and kinda immature.. eah hanging out a few times a month is normal..some ppl think married life is like a prison, oh u cant c ur buddies n e more, all u do is spend time with ur family and whatnot..they make it sound like such a prison...maybe they DO want to spend more time with each other, its just natural, espeically if both couples are working, they wnat to spend as much time possible..i know honestly speaking if all my life was abt just hanging out with freinds, i'd be pretty empty and hollow..because friends can't replace wat your spouse/children/family can give you...i love my friends, but they cant replace my husband...Now personally, I wouldn't forbid my husband from seeing his friends or make him break off his friendships and he's the same way, he doesnt care if i have guy friends or not (tho thats another topic i guess)...
I ntoice there are a lot of married people on this forum so i have a question....
Do you tend to give up your friends after marriage?...
Is this an inaccuarate generalisation?...and are men and women the same in this respect?...
You can keep your Male friends as long as you can share with Her whatever goes on between your friends and you, while you are away from your Wife. Female friends NOT a GOOD Idea..... You would not tolerate her Male Friends RIGHT?
You can keep your Male friends as long as you can share with Her whatever goes on between your friends and you, while you are away from your Wife.Female friends NOT a GOOD Idea..... You would not tolerate her Male Friends RIGHT?
why not? Wouldnt you trust your wife? or your firends?
Every relationship is based on trust.
But I know pakistane men and women often dont like this :o
i know honestly speaking if all my life was abt just hanging out with freinds, i'd be pretty empty and hollow..because friends can't replace wat your spouse/children/family can give you...i love my friends, but they cant replace my husband.....
i agree.ab akailay kahin jana utna acha nahi lagta jitna saath jana acha lagta hai n there were times when i went to some friend's wedding invitations alone with kids n when all couples dancing on dance floor i kept missing my husband even though none of us would hav ever danced.but still u feel as incomplete.
You can keep your Male friends as long as you can share with Her whatever goes on between your friends and you, while you are away from your Wife.Female friends NOT a GOOD Idea..... You would not tolerate her Male Friends RIGHT?
Female friends r fine as long as u introduce them to ur wife and meet together as family not alone.
It depends alot on people's beliefs and way of thinking
There are alot of my female cousins with whom I played throughout my childhood, but after we got matured and when they got married, I limited my self to alot extent. Some of them were not happy with this attitude, but I had to share my honest feelings which were based on my beliefs:
Islam tells me to keep certain limits when we cross a certain age after our cousins become "na-mehram" for us. (If some people don't practice it, I have no right to call them wrong, but it is something I think is appropraite for "myself" to practice and part of my belief.)
I personally would not appreciate if my future wife crosses the same limits in case of her cousins. So, if I don't like anything for my future wife, why should I practice it myself. If I do so, than this is not what justice demands.
After observing and learning about the cases of a spouse developing suspecion in his/her mind regarding his/her spouse after his/her spouse is crossing certain limits with their "na-mehram" relatives, it is always better to use "Hikmat" and avoid any action which might give the devil a chance to raise "waswasa"(suspecions) in mind of anyone's spouse.
p.s. By crossing limits I mean, to talk too much on phone, have useless chit chat, sharing things related to one's private life.....etc
Hmm...some interesting points in there...
In terms of friends i was primarily referring to friends of the same sex...i dont expect to keep in touch with female friends especially if they trying the islamic thing once they are married...
My main discussion is regarding my male friends...
An interesting point was made about not being friends with single people...are you more likely to stay friends with someone if they too are married?...
From my own experiences, it all boils down to the individuals involved in the marriage and the kind of company they each keep...
For example, if it's known that one's friends are loose cannons in that they go on rampage when out and about, it's probably advisable to keep contact with them minimal after marriage...whether we like it or not we are often judged by the company we keep and once a marriage has been entered into, the heavy burden of their partner's so called bad reputation can be difficult to bear...
In respect of having single friends, I know that some of my friends (male and female) are reluctant to keep close relations with their single friends of the same sex as they consider them a threat/competiton...again this is dependent upon the individuals, where there is trust invoved on all sides, then there is often not a problem...
Married couples in my experience prefer to be friends with other couples as it makes it easier to socialise without anyone being left feeling like a wallflower or the 'kebab mein haddi'...
Strawberriesncreme...
I can understand how that might have been a concern...
Pheonix51...
That sounds reasonable...as in there are a lot of thing that i think would change...as in you couldnt go out together that much especially late at night...but you know an invite to watch the game doesnt seem like much...its almost as if ties are broken...
Do any of you feel that that is down to the fact that with married friends problems will be similar ans you can relate to being married...whilst with your single friends you cant relate or might even miss the idea of being single?...as in if your single friend is having a good time and is free it may give you something to miss whilst if you limit yourself to marrioed friends that is less likely...
In terms of the threat thing...thats a bit shallow isnt it and very insecure...
basically responsibilties rise n therefore one has to not only revolve around friends but also around their loved ones too...i know as a wife i would like my hubby to spend time with his friends but also have that quality time with me n my children n i know the other half starts to feel this way..in a way they feel obliged too cos they work the week n ne tym he has left is spent with me but i also allow for him to be with friends as i dnt think they influence him n he allows the same for me...i belive the decison that most hubbies or wives have abt spending time with a friend is personally down to themselves rather than the other half...unless they are very insecure...
I believe that to maintain same-sex friendships after marriage is actually rather healthy for the marriage. Of course the friends should be reasonable personalities. In fact i am very OK when hubby goes out for "boys nite" every Wednesday. Its a good way to maintain your distinct personalities.
Oh and of course, after marriage with resposibilities and less time available, it is difficult to spend the same amount of time as before.
And I would keep in touch with singe friends too...After all too much hubby-household-baby talk can get to you.
Some of my friendships have grown stronger and closer since I got married and moved.
Another friendship is just gone, cuz she said she was jealous cuz I got married before her and she never congratulated me and has just vanished..I guess she also blocked me from her msn and she never wrote me a mail after that. I cud contact her but I would rather be off such a person than having her in my close circle of friends.
the other friends have been a great support and been there for me and vice versa I have been there for them when they needed me..that hasnt changed
Lol **Mabrook **dont think ill be taking that plunge anytime soon...
Nazneenk
That explanation sounds reasonable...
Aly Sam
So certain friends you'd want them not to keep...would a reasonable personality be someone who is disciplined and responsilbe...would you prefer them to leave their other friends behind?...
this is an interesting topic. i just got well some what married ( nikkahed).. i am a very out going person and had LOADS of friends.. and he only has few close ones.. how we have worked this thing out is that i have minimized my friends to the extreme minimum .. i haven't fought with ne body but slowly changed ma priorities.. and the friends i still wanted to stay in touch with i have introduced him to them.. and made sure he is comfortable with them.. i don't think i would be be happy to go out or talk to a person/friend who my hubby feels uncomfortable around.. and its the same with him.. i never ask him to talk to some one or not to talk to them .. all we do is discuss ppl and how they influence us.. and we both decide on who to keep and who to give a boot to..!!:)