Re: Friend Proposal
what makes it a great rishta?
I only see one thing: the fact that they have been honest enough to state their condition.
can you tell me what else makes it so great?
I think there two separate points to focus on:
- Would the family turn out too conservative for your friend's liking ?
As Chicken Biryani rightly mentioned, look for other signs about how has the family treated previous brides. Look for the way they dress, talk and the subtle signs which tell if they are way too conservative.
@Afro-Sheen how is using your education and knowledge to bring up your children as great people a waste of education. I maybe a little out of line, but somehow working a *great *career at the expense of neglect of children is not an easy decision. Yes, there are women who work and manage their homes as well, but its really difficult especially in Pakistan. If your friend is abroad then perhaps she can take up a light job, but frankly the environment of offices in Pakistan is not THAT great for women.
In my honest opinion, the best thing for your friend is to do an istakhara. There is nothing like it and inshAllah your friend will get an idea of what to expect.
Where did I say its a waste of education? 2nd if you read closely, I said it's not like she is going to have kids from day 1....she can work UNTIL they decide to have a family. Then she can decide what to do.
Sara516! well you are saying in such a manner that it seems that you are against the teachings of Islam of hudood for both men and women when you say that conservatism is a bad thing and must not be.
:(
Islam is not a conservative religion. Infact it's a modern religion, that allows people to live very comfortable lifestyles.
Earlier you also stated that a woman can only work if her husband died or she has to as a necessity for money. That's absurd. Islam allows women to work even if those two conditions are not present. As far as i know, women can work as long as it doesnt negatively affect her husband and kids at home and if they don't feel neglected. Additionally, only she has the say to how that money will be spent, not her husband or her parents.
Re: Friend Proposal
I honestly don't think this has anything to do with Islam...the issue is pretty simple...some guys prefers their wives as homemakers, others don't care. This guy wants his wife to stay at home, and that's fine. Some women are great at that... my mom is great at it, many of my friends and cousins are; others have invested a lot of their lives on their education and a good job, and in the grand scheme of things, it's really hard to let go of it just to get married.
This guy wants a wife that wants to be a "traditional" housewife...his preference. It is neither right or wrong Islamically or seculary. They have made this clear, and if the girl is unable to do this, then she should let the rishta go. The person is not for her. Just as the rishta has been honest and upfront with her, the rishta has a right to know honestly what the girl wants.
Islam is not a conservative religion. Infact it's a modern religion, that allows people to live very comfortable lifestyles.
Earlier you also stated that a woman can only work if her husband died or she has to as a necessity for money. That's absurd. Islam allows women to work even if those two conditions are not present. As far as i know, women can work as long as it doesnt negatively affect her husband and kids at home and if they don't feel neglected. Additionally, only she has the say to how that money will be spent, not her husband or her parents.
very true! good job in pointing that out!
I honestly don't think this has anything to do with Islam...the issue is pretty simple...some guys prefers their wives as homemakers, others don't care. This guy wants his wife to stay at home, and that's fine. Some women are great at that... my mom is great at it, many of my friends and cousins are; others have invested a lot of their lives on their education and a good job, and in the grand scheme of things, it's really hard to let go of it just to get married.
This guy wants a wife that wants to be a "traditional" housewife...his preference. It is neither right or wrong Islamically or seculary. They have made this clear, and if the girl is unable to do this, then she should let the rishta go. The person is not for her. Just as the rishta has been honest and upfront with her, the rishta has a right to know honestly what the girl wants.
well said GJ ...
If the guy's family was honest enough to state this up front and this is something she wants then she should just move on.
I really don't understand why anyone thinks that the girl should just accept a rishta from a family that she is clearly not compatible with. It is admirable that the family was honest enough to state this clearly up front instead of making promises and retracting them at a later date.
Re: Friend Proposal
Islam allows a woman the right to work. And there are women who can manage a job and a family beautifully. There are some women who stop working when the children are young and then go back to work when the kids are older and more independent. And there are even some women who prefer to work from home so that its easier for them to tend to the kids and household duties. Given the kind of economy we have these days, sometimes both spouses have to work to make ends meet. And as life is unpredictable, emergencies might crop of which require a woman to work in order to support her family. There are some women who prefer to be homemakers....but circumstances may not always allow her that option.
It is not the end of the world if a woman wants to work after marriage. However it is simply a matter of personal preference. While some men prefer wives to be strictly homemakers, others have no issues with their wives working. Neither one is right nor wrong.
Your friend should talk to the guy about this. Sometimes a guy and his parents have different viewpoints. It could be that he is okay with her working after marriage. This scenario would be easier if the guy won't be living with his parents after marriage. If she finds that the guy holds the same views as his parents and won't budge from them.....then she should not pursue this rishta. It's better to find someone who she is more** compatible** with.
Re: Friend Proposal
At least everyone is being up front with what they want.
If the girl wants to pursue her career (which is completely okay, especially after she struggled to complete her education), then she should graciously decline the proposal.
It's a decision and a compromise that only she can decide if she can live with. Because if she doesn't give it proper thought, she could end up resenting her hubby or his family for it later. But since they were up front about it, she can process this all and figure out what would make her happier; the guy and no job, or her job and possibly some other guy.
Re: Friend Proposal
Didn't read all the replies but my god, all these women are so naive as to think they're going to want to 'put their education into use' forever. Same woman after having kids will be dying to quit her job and wanting to stay home.
So rejecting a decent proposal for something she'll for sure change her mind about later is stupidity.
Re: Friend Proposal
SU, how long would you stay home for kids?
and what if the couple happen to not have kids?
SU, how long would you stay home for kids?
and what if the couple happen to not have kids?
Trust me dude, if the couple didn't have kids, they'd have other issues to resolve than her working situation. And, if they (God forbid) don't have kids, the guy will easily change his mind and let her continue working.
P.S. Work isn't the only way to occupy one's mind and certainly not the only way to employ your academic and practical skills.
i love the way the thread starter pointed out the families wealth right at the start of the thread like it's a good reason for her to accept the rishta.
what happened to liking a man becos he wud treat u rite ?
what happened to liking a man becos he wud love u and care for u unconditionally ?
what happened to liking a man cos he has good family values, and would be agood father to your kids?
Materialism leads u down a wrong path
Re: Friend Proposal
all those things u stated, you can only find out AFTER u get married... no way can a woman know how the man will treat her after marriage, and no way can a man know how affectionate his wife will be towards him before marriage.
so, in an arranged marriage, u go for things that u know for sure.
what makes it a great rishta? I only see one thing: the fact that they have been honest enough to state their condition.
can you tell me what else makes it so great?
The fact that the boy is very well educated, a chartered accountant to be specific. also that he and the other members of the family are earning really high i.e much above average households in pakistan. They are also a decent bunch of people. The thing is the communication has been on phone till now for the families. Noe my friend lets name her Mina, she isnt too sure of whether she should allow them to come to her house. If she does allow that means that her family is okay with the job thing and can go forward with the proceedings but she really isnt much comfortable with the concept of no job.
As for good jobs for women in Pakistan. She herself is working in a multinational. Girls may want to work after marriage but after children most of them leave it, she herself says that when i have children ill see the situation and leave the job but it should be the decision of just her and her husband.
i love the way the thread starter pointed out the families wealth right at the start of the thread like it's a good reason for her to accept the rishta.
what happened to liking a man becos he wud treat u rite ?
what happened to liking a man becos he wud love u and care for u unconditionally ?
what happened to liking a man cos he has good family values, and would be agood father to your kids?
Materialism leads u down a wrong path
Its not materliasm. What parents normally look for in a spouse for their child is education, decency, how well off they are and of course other things like the nature/behaviour of the family and the prospective spouse. For this case, the relation hasnt got to such an extent that Mina's family would be much able to judge about the nature of the guy. So far, she is just confused that should she let the proceddings go on as it might give a wrong signal that she is okay with not doing a job after marriage. She believes it should be the choice of the couple solely.
The fact that the boy is very well educated, a chartered accountant to be specific. also that he and the other members of the family are earning really high i.e much above average households in pakistan. They are also a decent bunch of people. The thing is the communication has been on phone till now for the families. Noe my friend lets name her Mina, she isnt too sure of whether she should allow them to come to her house. If she does allow that means that her family is okay with the job thing and can go forward with the proceedings but she really isnt much comfortable with the concept of no job.
As for good jobs for women in Pakistan. She herself is working in a multinational. Girls may want to work after marriage but after children most of them leave it, she herself says that when i have children ill see the situation and leave the job but it should be the decision of just her and her husband.
I seriously think a good rishta is always a blessing and when ultimately she is contemplating leaving the job , why lose this rishta for a stupid reason !
Who knows after developing a better relationship with her husband , he may not stop her from doing some kind of work... I have seen this happen lots .... at the time of the rishta , the families on both sides are putting their opinions on each other .. after marriage , the families are sidelined and its the husband-wife relationship that takes over and it can get alot easier for either party to have thse kind of wishes fulfilled ...
The fact that the boy is very well educated, a chartered accountant to be specific. also that he and the other members of the family are earning really high i.e much above average households in pakistan. They are also a decent bunch of people. The thing is the communication has been on phone till now for the families. Noe my friend lets name her Mina, she isnt too sure of whether she should allow them to come to her house. If she does allow that means that her family is okay with the job thing and can go forward with the proceedings but she really isnt much comfortable with the concept of no job.
As for good jobs for women in Pakistan. She herself is working in a multinational. Girls may want to work after marriage but after children most of them leave it, she herself says that when i have children ill see the situation and leave the job but it should be the decision of just her and her husband.
How could you tell by just talking to someone over the Phone they are very shareef and larka is decent enough ?
I think the girl's family should be having them coming in their house and discuss such things in person, Perhaps its the guy who wants his wife to stay home instead of doing 9 to 5 job ?
As for good jobs for women in Pakistan. She herself is working in a multinational. Girls may want to work after marriage but after children most of them leave it, she herself says that when i have children ill see the situation and leave the job but it should be the decision of just her and her husband.
Pakistan needs more women like her, first to work to provide for their families/economies, and later to raise bright, educated, decent kids.
Re: Friend Proposal
vhat nonsence yaar. what backward people telling her not to work. what next? dont lock bedroom door? ask permission to use bathroom!
yaar she should work. dont listen to such ppl who talk nonsence yaar.