Hey…
Remembered a film i saw…the Girl Next Door with that stunning girl from 24…one aspect of the film i found interesting…the guy falls in love with the girl but finds out she used to be a pornstar…so he has to decide whether he is secure with her past and whether this will impact on their future…the scenes where hes picturing her with his mum and dad are jokes…
so just wondering to what extent you boys would accept a girls past and whether its about your acceptance or your own insecurities…so does it bother you that the girl slept around because it was such a haram thing to do and i can never accept it or forgive it?..or is it due to the fact that you are worried that you’re going to be a 1 minute man when you get married?..i understand the idea of virgin love etc and how the night will be special…but is that always your genuine reasoning or is the virgin just the easy option for you?
And to girls do you have any qualms with a man that is experienced?
Re: Forgiving and Forgetting…
ur talkin bout pakis? Forget it… guys will try out with girls but when it comes to marriage, she better be pure and virginal and chaste 
Me personally… i’d rather not know about his past, if he had sex, if he had gfs or wahtever. Only thing I would want to know about his sex life (if any) is if he has any STDs or God forbid AIDS. Plus, everyone makes mistakes, and if he repented then who am I to hold it against him? I hate that about pakis unforutnately. If you can repent to Allah, and be forgiven, then what gives you the right to hold thier mistakes that had nothign to do with YOU against them?
Re: Forgiving and Forgetting...
hahahahaah well said
Re: Forgiving and Forgetting...
Ideally the issues should be talked out, but everyone knows that if a girl walks around telling her prospective rishtas - "Hi, I used to be a pornstar/sleep around, etc", then
News is gonna spread and she'll be outcast - as well as whatever khandaan she has.
She ain't gettin' no rishtaa
She'll be taking herself to the sperm bank to get fertilized so she can have a kid, and most likely raise it single. No use in dying alone because desi men can't forgive and forget when they themselves are (for the most part) sleeping around themselves.
I remember going to a party where everyone was pointing this one girl out who had put some dirty pics of herself on some public website - some guy came across it and had ID'd her - and the news spread in the community. I have no clue what happened to her, but it was unfortunate that she had rumors going around about her, and even more unfortunate that even if she were to repent and str8en herself out morally, anyone who finds out about it is going to be disturbed enough not to go thru with any rishtaa-wishtaa.
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Were they rumours or were they real pix of her? Was it a jealous bf who did it to her? This kind of stuff, including what we talked about in teh "Orkut" thread is really an "Educated, modern" way of throwing acid on someone's face. it's sick
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^ True, I have no clue - I was about to come back and add that - it could be a malicious rumor.
Either way, the chic is screwed. She'll have to move to LA to find someone.
Now I understand why people try to look for people in other cities or even countries.
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I used to be pretty uptight about what her past should be. But I've relaxed on that a lot - just about the only thing I would not be able to accept would be if she had slept with a guy before. If I can stay a virgin this long, then she'd damned well better too.
Re: Forgiving and Forgetting…
Maddy, apparently our polygraph needles have just gone off the chart:eek:
I am just kidding:p
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A few years back my brother was introduced to a girl in our community through a woman who considers herself a matchmaker. Well it turned out that this girl was far from innocent. She was living this double life that her family was not aware of. As my brother got to know her she opened up about several things, one being that she's not a virgin. My brother eventually decided he was ok with that and they wanted to get married. My mother was REALLY upset. There were other things about her that didn't click so the whole thing was called off. My parents were really careful to not ruin her reputation in any way. But according to the older generation being pure says alot about your character. This was a recurring them in their lectures to us.. to my brother especially. He later realized that she was not the one. And found somebody younger, prettier, more innocent.
Re: Forgiving and Forgetting…
so being younger is also an IMPORTANT FACTOR? just wondering..
Re: Forgiving and Forgetting…
I was about to say the same thing. People have this mentality that if the girl is younger, she will be more naive and innocent since she hasn’t been out in the world. Yeah right, so many girls use that to their advantage and make a fool out of people. You’ll definitely see this mentality in marriages where there is a large age gap between the man and woman.
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MehnazQ i knw alot of ppl.. sadly my parents are of the same thinking. They say kay the difference between husband and wife's age should be around 5+ this way. The way i understand this thinking is that they want someone to take care of their beta.. like a servant.. khana banay .. ghar ka khiyal rakhay and i think this is rediculous!! I am sure my mother didn't want to be treated like that.
I found someone who is only 1 month younger than me.. now u can imagine the rest haha :) it was fun telling mother about her.. :D
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You're right, younger doesn't mean more innocent, just means less opportunity for experiences in the real world. And a girl can change any time. A guy can bring a 18 yo girl from Pakistan and a couple years later she becomes a completely different person. But my point was that his current wife is younger...that's just a fact. I'm not trying to state that younger means more innocent.
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The Pakistani way of thinking, seems just the same in India. All the guys & his parents want a innocent (virgin) girl, whereas the Guy may have been screwing around.
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forget guys, would u girls be able to forgive your man if he was a gigolo? Its easy to forgive but its hard to forget, I mean ewwwww ok i dont even wanna think about it!
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^ depends - you have people who have lost it but now are back on track and more self-disciplined.
And then you have people who have zero self-control.
I wouldn't be so concerend about virginity, but if self-control is an issue - that would raise red signals - merely because if he cant control his dick, then what else could he possibly control as a responsible husband?
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Yeah that makes sense. Plus i think if they did it cuz errrmm they were in couple of relationships, thats different but sex for money, i am sorry but that shows very low character.
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^ what if we're talking about some heera mandi girl - they're usually kidnapped and put into the practice against their will - most likely hunted down and killed if they run away.
?
I would not say that everyone who has experimented with sex at some point is bad - but a habitual addiction to it is a bit concerning. For me at least.
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thats different, i am talking about people who want easy money and they would sell themselves.
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PCG.. heera mandi grls r different, i doubt they woudl go through teh same whole rishta process... unforutnately woudn't their working there cut off any chance of marriage to a decent guy for them?