It seems that for the majority of desis, the ideal spouse is searched far and wide, instead of right here in America. It’s a concept that I still haven’t been able to grasp. It seems more common for men especially, as opposed to women (girls), but it is the first preference to get someone from back home.
What exactly is the reason for this?
And how many of you who have been raised in Western countries want someone from back home rather someone from here?
I personally think that its much more convenient to find a spouse from right here, considering you don’t have to go through the hassle of waiting for them to finally come here, then teaching him/her English, getting them accustomed to the way of life here, etc. etc… but that’s just my view on this.
Re: Foreign born spouse?
i have heard a lot abt this scene abroad....and have got major portion of proposals frm us..uk or canada .....but i wasnt interested in any1 of em thts another story.......
would like to hear other side of this story..
Re: Foreign born spouse?
I think alot of it has to do with escaping the bad reputation they have here, going to a foreign country, acting like a completely different person, thereby getting a decent rishta which might otherwise be next to impossible here.... :D
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or maybe they think gurlz back home are SHAREEEEEEEEF :P lol
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or maybe they think gurlz back home are SHAREEEEEEEEF and GHARAILOO :P lol
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hmm, yeh toh hai... but alot of aunties know that their sons are messing around here also, so tehy quickly take them to pakistan and get them married... its not so much about shareef and gharailoo anymore as much as it is with self-respect and status and all that.. at least from the families I know
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i guess pakis living in west think that girls in pakland are more cultured and closer to religion and most probably are virgins(no boyfriend or past relationships)
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and what about the paki girls who marry guys from there? what is the reason for that?
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If u ask mee ..I really love to go for soemone abroad ....thts whtI think ..more thn I think its better to pick soemone randomly ...u don t need to search for years...whether this or tht ..thn whether paki or imported ..i think larkiyah agg kal waisaay hee bhut taizz hiaan.. May be these pakies girl are I think much more smarter thn others in handling situation and how handle ur susraal ...things are not tht easy as were before...when paki girls used to go there ..thn sara ghar sambhal liateee thee ...I think pakistan mein hoo yaa abroad..now everybody knows wht to do ..how to do ...as now world is a global village..
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it's rare... but maybe thier parents tell them to do so as it is easier to find a rishta for a girl among relatives back home
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whtsovever be the situation i think its better to go for someone ..wholoves u rather thn to go for someone whom u loved ....incase not an arranged marriage ....
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I personally think that its much more convenient to find a spouse from right here, considering you don't have to go through the hassle of waiting for them to finally come here, then **teaching him/her English, getting them accustomed to the way of life here, **etc. etc... but that's just my view on this.
I live in UK and I find guys living in Pakistan are more attractive and loving than desis living in the west. they have great family values as well as respect for other people regardless of who they are. they dont have the "bad boy" type attitude that you see with alot of guys in the west.
you mentioned about teaching them English....trust me alot of people in Pakistan speak much better English than even we do. as far as getting them accustomed to life here....alot of times they live more luxurious lifes than we do over here....and even have facilities that the average desi in the west wont have.
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you mentioned about teaching them English....trust me alot of people in Pakistan speak much better English than even we do. as far as getting them accustomed to life here....alot of times they live more luxurious lifes than we do over here....and even have facilities that the average desi in the west wont have.
what r u talking about, even the most educated people in pakistan cant speak english properly. they can only speak a sentence in english at most and then 3 sentences in urdu and the cycle repeats itself. these people cudnt speak english if their life depended on it.
as for the luxurious life, living abroad requires being able to do ur work independantly. the spoilt brats in pak r so used to having everything done for them by their army of servants that they cudnt even boil water on their own if they had to. they wud pretty much be handicapped abroad
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im talking from experience....I know many people in Pakistan....and the guy I will insha-allah marry from Pakistan does speak better English than me. the guys here are more lazy than those in pakistan....i know many ppl from pakistan....they are harder workers than us. as far as boiling water is concerned....there are some things he can cook which even i dont know how to cook....
my bhabhis/bro in laws are all from Pakistan and I can say they are all lovely people. masha-allah much more loving/family oriented/respectable and hardworking than the average lazy person in UK.
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Totally agree.
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Also, people marry girls from back in Pakistan to strengthen their own ties to Pakistan by linking themselves in to a family based there.
If your family is based in the west and your wife's family in based in the west, yur and your kids are less likely to go to Pakistan regularly than if your wife's family in based in Pakistan.
In other words, marrying a girl from back in Pakistan is going to make it a bit easier for you to raise kids who feel Pakistani since you're going to go to Pakistan more often.
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^ I think that's a big part of it. Parents don't want their children to lose their ties with Pakistan. That said, I'm not a big fan of these marriages, because I have seen so many fail, or at least have unhappy participants. I think it's difficult for boys to adjust to a girl who may be more independent than he is used to, and difficult for girls to adjust to the isolation and amount of housework that is required here. If she doesn't drive or has a husband that wants her at home all day, it's that much worse for her. There is also no general common ground. For example, he may have grown up watching cricket, while she is a Mets fan, and can't stand it. She loves Pak dramas, he thinks they are ridiculous. She likes to go walk around the mall for fun with her friends, he prefers to have friends drop by whenever. Even small things like these add up over time.
My husband and I will be looking here first for spouses for our son and daughters.
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dunno bout it. My wife was born in US and never lived anywhere else. marrying a girl in Pakistan was not something I was in favour of. It was a compatibility issue for me. I did not think that i could relate well to a girl who was in pakistan. It is not a practice in place in my family anyways, people who are in US married people in US, those in UK married those in UK. (btw tru for guys and girls both)
I do have friends who went to Pakistan to find their wives, and the reasons included (btw these are reasons I heard, not justifications that I am providing)
1) better compatibility since these guys had grown up in Pakistan
2) Better religious and family values, better character etc
3) Choice of parents, and since parents are in Pak, the girl would be in Pak too
4) Can not live with someone who will be in their face (basically they want the spouse to follow their lead and not be an equal..this is what was discovered upon further inquiry)
5) unable to find the type of girl they want here, better opportunities of finding someone in Pak (this can also mean that the type of girl they want may not be in their reach in US, but in Pakistan they have a better chance)
6) may move back to pakistan, and thus prefer someone who like them is from there (applies mostly to guys/girls here whose family is in pakistan)
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maddie it can be a little problematic though, lets think this through. two issues happen
first of all, I see these guys sitting alone because their wife has gone to Pakistan to spend time with her family. Some of these guys I actually wonder about their marriage because the wife seems to spend atleast 4 months out of the year in Pakistan.
secondly, these things are not thought out properly, it could be okay at forst, but as parents age, it becomes a big challenge. are they left to their own devices in Pakistan, brought over here, or you move back, if it is the last option than what about your parents who are here.
I have seen many fractures develop in marriages where one spouse wants to move to Pakistan to be closer to parents as they age, and the other one does not want to move away from here because this is their life.
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If your family is based in the west and your wife's family in based in the west, yur and your kids are less likely to go to Pakistan regularly than if your wife's family in based in Pakistan.
In other words, marrying a girl from back in Pakistan is going to make it a bit easier for you to raise kids who feel Pakistani since you're going to go to Pakistan more often.
Yeh i agree with this. :) I personally didnt marry a Pakistani so its very hard for me to comment but i agree with what MAd Scientist has said. I think thats a huge reason as to why ppl choose to marry a spouse from there.