I personally think its really very difficult to marry a pakistani-born and raised spouse... their mentality is worlds apart from ours, as are values and traditions, the whole language barrier (they cant speak english, some of us cant understand urdu), they wouldnt be able to fit in in a social gathering with our friends, etc. etc..
I know a guy who was born and raised here, and his parents got him married to a completely uneducated girl from his pind.. she knew nothing at all about manners, not a single word of english, only spoke punjabi, was very possessive of him... didnt even want him working with women, couldnt go to a party without being stared at for her bizarre antics, and on top of that she was a major sex fiend and he was very unhappy... lol i know this last part might be a dream come true for many men, but for him it was a bit much
first of all, I see these guys sitting alone because their wife has gone to Pakistan to spend time with her family. Some of these guys I actually wonder about their marriage because the wife seems to spend atleast 4 months out of the year in Pakistan.
secondly, these things are not thought out properly, it could be okay at forst, but as parents age, it becomes a big challenge. are they left to their own devices in Pakistan, brought over here, or you move back, if it is the last option than what about your parents who are here.
I have seen many fractures develop in marriages where one spouse wants to move to Pakistan to be closer to parents as they age, and the other one does not want to move away from here because this is their life.
Good point. Frauds I also think people from Pakistan marry foreign nationals(UK,US) just for the nationality as well. It could be more challenging if a girl is going to marry from Pakistan. What do you think?
^ dont get me started on that point... i know wayyy too many people whove been used for the green card, soon as the spouse gets it, he hits the high road and marries a cousin from pk and brings her over... baysharam log
I used to think like you people but its not true for everyone. I myself know some guys living in Pakistan who HATE the idea of getting married to a girl from UK just to come to UK....I also know of girl/guy wanting to marry but they were in different countries. guy did not want to marry the girl to come to the west.....cuz ppl would say he only married to come over.....for that reason, hes spent alot more money and has found alternative route to first come to the west (by going and studying in another country first then transferring to the west), settle in the west and THEN get married.
there are some people who would go through all the above....just because they HATE the idea of getting married to someone for a green card/visa. for this reason, I think its totally wrong for us to assume that all pakistanis WANT to come to UK/USA. go to a major city of Pakistan and interview some educated Pakistanis....majority of them would be happy to live in Pakistan and NOT come to UK/USA.
I used to think like you guys before too....but having talked to many pakistanis myself....I realised it is not the case for everyone....especially not for the educated respectable people in Pakistan.
Mr. Frauds,
As you have mentioned about your marriage, I'm curious to know: was your marriage arranged or loved? How did you find/meet your wife? Has your mother/sis find her? or Were you standing at the school/uni gate with a RED Rose? Did you see/meet her face to face?
Would be grateful for the reply.
If your family is based in the west and your wife's family in based in the west, yur and your kids are less likely to go to Pakistan regularly than if your wife's family in based in Pakistan.
In other words, marrying a girl from back in Pakistan is going to make it a bit easier for you to raise kids who feel Pakistani since you're going to go to Pakistan more often.
great point...i nvr thought about it that way. I always thought it was because there is a "variety" to choose from. Also guys parents in particular always assume that the girls back home are more sharmeeli, more gharailu etc.
this guy is not in the midwest is he? if so I know who it is. or maybe he is another one in the same dilemma. the begum is so possessive of him that he cant even go out on his own..but then he is kinda whipped anyways, one day he will snap out of it.
begum and I met on our own and thru some common friends, did not get involved right away but knew each other. Once we got involved, I told my folks about her. and since her family was strict, we had my aunt talk to her aunt (they had been friends for decades), later we found out that her uncle and cousins had worked with my dad and one cousin went to med school with my sis. Anyways, her parents thought it was a proposal coming via family and friends and tried to ‘convince’ her to marry me they did find out before we got married that it was all a set-up and we knew one another.
so I classify it as a love marriage, arranged by us
I think I posted details about the whole sequnce of events a long time ago. I will post a link if I find it
I used to think like you people but its not true for everyone. I myself know some guys living in Pakistan who HATE the idea of getting married to a girl from UK just to come to UK....I also know of girl/guy wanting to marry but they were in different countries. guy did not want to marry the girl to come to the west.....cuz ppl would say he only married to come over.....for that reason, hes spent alot more money and has found alternative route to first come to the west (by going and studying in another country first then transferring to the west), settle in the west and THEN get married.
there are some people who would go through all the above....just because they HATE the idea of getting married to someone for a green card/visa. for this reason, I think its totally wrong for us to assume that all pakistanis WANT to come to UK/USA. go to a major city of Pakistan and interview some educated Pakistanis....majority of them would be happy to live in Pakistan and NOT come to UK/USA.
I used to think like you guys before too....but having talked to many pakistanis myself....I realised it is not the case for everyone....especially not for the educated respectable people in Pakistan.
I agree with u ..most of the people who marry to move to a foreign place....donot have much to offer to begin with
Fraudz, I also consider you a Lucky person, One day i was watching a Pragramme where WASI SHAH was invited as as guest, The host asked him about his marriage, Was your marriage arranged or Love, He replied, that My Parents think that it was arranged but my wife say it was love marrige :)
I've seen one of my friend who lives here but he got a girl friend from pakistan who was insisting him to come 2 pk then she will marry him.
So i don't think that everyone want to go west just to settle down there.
There might be a few ppl
I do agree with you after experiencing it firsthand in Pakistan. I also came across many individuals who were not dependent on their servants or didn't have servants 24/7.
If your family is based in the west and your wife's family in based in the west, yur and your kids are less likely to go to Pakistan regularly than if your wife's family in based in Pakistan.
In other words, marrying a girl from back in Pakistan is going to make it a bit easier for you to raise kids who feel Pakistani since you're going to go to Pakistan more often.
This has made me think!! It is true about staying in touch with Pakistan...I have friends who both the husbands and wives r from here...and they never visit Pakistan...Thats really losing it...
they did find out before we got married that it was all a set-up and we knew one another.