I think desire for having grand children is justified BUT I don't understand why do the parents specially boy's parents mostly try to get TOO MUCH personal in these matters. As Sara said no one has right to interfere in wife/husband's personal life/decisions. I hate this 'in laws culture' just because they can't put them aside.
I think you both should make your parents feel that you don't want to discuss it with them, just say "dua karain" that's all
Why is it assumed that the reason she can’t get pregnant is because they used contraception??
No, they aren’t guaranteed safe but then practically no form of pill or medicine is guaranteed 100% safe or side-effect free including paracetamol, should we stop taking that as well??
I get the feeling there is a lot of dodgy info being passed on about contraception in Pakistan, Saudia Arabia etc 
Re: forced to have a baby
well Deeba science has progressed a lot and she was told that by talking liquid contraceptives her birth hormones are not functioning properly as she had been using them for so many years on daily basis and of course they concluded their decision after certain blood tests and other tests
Re: forced to have a baby
Thatts kinda selfish on the guys parents part ..cos did they marry their son so they can have grandkids lol.,, not a good reason if this is the case ..
and like some said above redvelvet that .. no matter what it only happens when Allah SWT wants it to happen .. I knw a couple who were kinda afraid that if they have a kid they might not be able to look after and sittuation for them would become difficult in the sense that they arnt earning enough etc one thing mashaAllah..their parents have no say in this matter cos its their life..they live it the way they want .. they survived being scared ..and when they were most scared ..and didnt even realise .. she got preg and a month later she found out / realised shes actually preg ...
Wat i would say is that When Allah Almighty sees you fit and sees that you are able to look after another life .. then Allah grants you with his blessings even without asking ..because Allah Almighty is ever giving ..and so things like this dont happen that you make a an order / booking and you expect a kid by two weeks lol it will only happen when Allah wants it in the best of your interest. Allah does not burden anyone of anything ..
and what to say to parents .. the guy should try to respectfully tell his parents that since we re a re married .. we ll try ..and you gottta look at your circumstances ...and if Allah wills it .. no parent will need to ask for a grandkid .. Allah will bless us with one when he chooses to...since no one has control of this ..
Re: forced to have a baby
OMG for godsake ppl.
To some of the posters who are posing as MDs plz stop.
Contraceptives are overall safe and effective. Granted nothing is 100%, compared to the traditional withdrawal method they have a close to 99% rate of efficacy.
Contraception is not just limited to pills. Condoms, IUDs, IM injections, spermicide..i mean the list goes on and on.
I have known of women who have been on the pills for years and were able to have children..stop spreading lies.
Yes, like all medications, contraceptives do have side effects..if you dont smoke, and have no recognizable personal/family history of bleeding problems, cancers etc..your chances of having side effects (major ones) are far and few between. Yes there are other side effects such as weight gain, nausea etc but there are different formulations of pills out there...seek one that is low in estrogen and progesterone.
At least you have common sense in recognizing that you are not at a stage in life where you can look after a child. Study, have fun, enjoy life..once u have kids there is no turning back...as for your parents i agree with previous advise..to be polite..tell them its gods will..its no ones business but your own..and if they are soo keen to have children...well they had your husband..so they can try again!
Lethal Kamiz kazes every time i read your post i laugh.
You seem obsessed about having children.
I read your 13 kidded happy family.
Well let me tell you I havea friend in pakistan, who has 9 siblings, most of which are females.
They have grown now, but neither my friend (eldest son) nor his parents will tell you its been an easy ride. They have had many difficulties in bringing up te kids, and especially getting the daughters married off, and even after that they have had serious problems with managing the girls relations/divorce etc.
I think you are very narrow minded to say simply 'allah provide'. By which you imply you should love having kids without thinking about thier responsibilty.
Its true Allah provides, and its only him who gives one the taufeeq or energy to be able to work and make money, but the way you say it is like he will shower money from the sky for you as soon as you have kids.
Practically this does not happen. In this practical example I gave you, the family is having many problems in surviving; Allah is not showering money from the sky for them, and actually many a time it is the financial and other helps of people that get them along.
I do not think you should have sole faith in Allah to do your jobs. I read your informative islamic thread. You quoted a lot of scripture. Let me quote one:
'Allah helps those, who help themself'
Regarding this, I believe that Allah gives you success based on your personal efforts/decisions aswell as dua to him, as opposed to just sitting back and saying he will do everything for you.
And some people in pakistan especially, do share your subjective theories and go on to have numerous kids- saying they are 'expanding the ummat'. Usually these are the lower and less educated class people.
If Allah says n the koran 'dont restrain from children from fear to poverty, as I will provide', I think he means it in a broad sense, that you should marry and you should not permanently put off having children, because of restrained finances.
The time when this ayat was released was the when the recieivng nation was in a state of constant poverty. This ayat would have been highly specific and encouraging for the people of that time, as these people were also killing newborn females.
I doubt the ayat is a merry bright green signal for all and everybody to begin baby blooming after marriage.
Ofcourse I also feel you are wahabi or ahle-hadith from your strict and one-sided views.
Regarding malthus's theory. It looks like you know economics, if so, its even more surprising because looking at pakistan, and pretty much worldwide, food, energy, living expenses are greatly increasing, whic implies supplies are decreasing or not not increasing at the same rate of demand (or population growth). It was also in recent media that India has dramatically dropped or ceased its supply of rice to the west, as they are running short of it domestically.
And regarding the contraception, your theories are also rather strict.
I agree to an earlier poster if the 'pill' is banned by saudi ulama, on basis of hormonal/physiological changes to body (wahabi ), then there are many other such medications as such - then so would these also be banned?
On the other hand, they might well be according to wahabi scholars, relating to which I walked into my local islam shop the other day and the wahabi store owner, literally told me that any medication i get from the docter containing alcohol is Haram. Im sure this intelligent man would know that almost every conventional medication today has some or other of alcohol quantity...
Re: forced to have a baby
..................................
I think you are very narrow minded to say simply 'allah provide'. By which you imply you should love having kids without thinking about thier responsibilty. Its true Allah provides, and its only him who gives one the taufeeq or energy to be able to work and make money, but the way you say it is like he will shower money from the sky for you as soon as you have kids.
Practically this does not happen. In this practical example I gave you, the family is having many problems in surviving; Allah is not showering money from the sky for them, and actually many a time it is the financial and other helps of people that get them along.
Exactly.
When people say "Allah will provide"....thats what they probably think, that others will help them out...its the same reason many women still dont get an education and still don't work b/c they think their husbands will be alive forever...and think "Allah will provide" if something like that happens....
Forgive me if I repeat myself but no one in their right mind would ever want to be in a position to ACCEPT zakat or welfare or charity....you should pray that your halaat are never that bad..you should always want to be in a position that you can give..and not receive
Re: forced to have a baby
^ exactly.
Allah advised you to be self sufficient.
lethal would be happy to hear the hadith from bukhari:
'better than you begging, is for you to purchase a tool and go to the forest and cut firewood (to sell)'
Furthermore, Some people in the west, purposly and greedily rely on welfare handouts to producing more kids.
Literally, I think not only is it a form of unnesecery beggin, but also an injustice to the working people who are paying for them'.
People are starving all over the world. People are killing themself from hunger and other problems, all relating to root problem of inadequate provision.
And you just smile and bounce.
"One day Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) noticed a Bedouin leaving his camel without tying it and he asked the Bedouin, "Why don't you tie down your camel?" The Bedouin answered, "I put my trust in Allah." The Prophet then said, "Tie your camel first, then put your trust in Allah" (At-Tirmidhi)."
^This hadith teaches us to prepare as much as we can before we leave to the will of Allah (swt).
Rasulullah saw patted the chest of Abu Dzar ra with his loving hand and said : "O, Abu Dzar, there is no wisdom better than prudence, nor any piety better than refraining from the unlawful, nor any nobility better than polite manners" (Narrated by Ibn Hibban).
One will have kids if and whenever it's meant to be.....could be at a time when one feels ready...or not ready. But there's nothing wrong with "tying your camel first"....or being "prudent/cautious". In the end...whatever Allah wills........but He's also given us aqal/the ability to reason......and we're encouraged to use it.
Why only get upset about implementing practicality in family planning.....why only confine it to this aspect of life? In this case.....one shouldn't be careful/use common sense for anything. Go ahead and arrive at your job interview late.........if it's meant to be you'll get the job anyways. If you're destined to die of heart disease you will.......so go ahead and pig out on junk food and don't exercise. Don't bother watching where you're going.......because if you're going to trip and fall you will. You don't need to plan for your akhira and strive to be careful/good.....because it's already decided if you're going to be a hellion or go to heaven.
^It's human nature to be cautious...and consider the possible outcome of things that may happen a few hours from now....let alone years later. We do that with many things. And even in religion, you'll find examples in ahadith....about planning for the future.
This thread is a proof that youngsters who are fed wrong information that is based on manipulation of religion are not willing to change, whatever reason you give them.
Now in this day and age, how can one believe having more and more babies is not going to have any effect on their quality of life?
One reason that I can think of is: they are not in Pakistan or any other overpopulated country.
Another reason could be bad religious education which makes them stick to wrong ideas thinking it's the order of Allah.
Re: forced to have a baby
^ :k:
^ exactly guys. Nice hadiths.
One typical and related case, is that of a distant female cousin of mine.
Now this girl although from a middle class pakistani home, got married into a low class v.poor home. Her husband has ave.e.ducation, no job and neither great hope of getting great one in the near future.
But hey the next time i saw her in family pics (just within ayear), she has a baby in her arms.- Typical Pakis.
Now, im literally like what kind of sense is this, you guys very well know you are just about surviving, Inspite of which you shall not restrain from creating an extra responsibility.
Now If this couples viewpoint on this action, was they would thrive on other peoples handouts and sympathy.
I think this is totally sick, greedy, fraudlent and evil.
If this is Mr Kami-kazes, actual comprehension 'allah provides', and so everybody should keep thier pace up, I really think you have more maturing to do.
I hope you understand mate, whether kafir or muslim, everybody works extremly hard for thier income and managing thier affairs, adding to which neither of these hardworking people, like to or are required to spend it on careless or unwise people.
Well, atleast personaly, although being emphatic by nature, there is no way I am going to help this although dear cousin of mine financially relating to the kid's needs.
If the situation ever arises, I would say why did you have to churn it out when you knew you could not support it at the moment. Yes she got married, which already is expensive, but essential. But the baby so early was not.
All in All; Maybe all, struck by financial difficulty, newborn parents, should be directed to lethal kamikaze or great hero, as he seems to have greatest knowledge in provisons procedures.
(no disrespect towards Allah)