I agree with you 100% and also feel sad for people on this thread advising girls to run away etc. shame on you all for giving this kind of advice. Do you have any feelings for parents? what would they go through if their young daughter runs away?
No parent wants anything bad for their children. And being a parent, I know for sure, if my daughter brings home a boy with good prospects and good family, I would definately accept him. And 'Aaj ki dunya mein' most parents are like me.
Agree with you 100%.
I don't know ppl say move out. What if the girl is unmarried. What his parents will feel. How hard for them to live life with shame.
That's why I joined GS. I saw ppl give mostly very wrong mashwara to ppl.
I want to make difference here lol. With lots of dushmans and opposite mind and thinking.
*pakiamerican *- didn't you just admit to having many mistresses in the wife vs mistress thread? and keeping it a secret. How do you think that will impact your daughter (if/when she finds out)
And 'Aaj ki dunya mein' most parents are like me. - I don't think so
If you give opposite advice and make dushman then no one is going to take your advice.
I agree that truth is hard to swallow but if you give your opinions with a tad bit of sugar - they might go a bit well
I don't give opposite advice I try to give true advice but some ppl thing and do opposite way and I don't care about that if they become dushman or not.
Like if I say girls has to do parda but when ppl don't do they will go against me as they don't do or not like to do. But that doesn't mean I'm wrong. It doesn't bother me according to telling truth I get dushmans.
I'm not drama baaz or don't tell a lie to lapait in sugar. I'm so very straight forward what is wrong is wrong and what is right is right. Koi manay ya na manay mera kaam hai such aur sahi batana.
I can't do chaplosi I'm not that type of person at all.
*pakiamerican *- didn't you just admit to having many mistresses in the wife vs mistress thread? and keeping it a secret. How do you think that will impact your daughter (if/when she finds out)
And 'Aaj ki dunya mein' most parents are like me. - I don't think so
So what's your point? What does my admitting the facts about my personal life has anything to do with good parenting and the base question of this thread? at least I have the courage to say my mind unlike many hypocrites on this forum.
And I agree with Gr8Heera, most people have no knowledge or experience of life yet they give wrong 'Mashwaras' like scholars on this forum.
Running away is not a good option to get away from forced marriages.
You need to sit down and talk to your parents calmly as to why the person is not a good match for you. Or it maybe you feel that you are not ready to get married. But whatever you say stick to it. Think out your reasons carefully and do not change from one thing to another.
It take time and a lot of effort to get them to listen to you, but its your whole life so give it all you got. Ignore all emotional blackmail...
But the most important thing is before you do anything think about what you dont like about the person youre being forced to marry and if its really something that you cannot live with. All the wrong things are usually given too much importance these days.
Parents are human too and can make mistakes, they have the best of intentions but intentions are not what determine right and wrong.
So what's your point? What does my admitting the facts about my personal life has anything to do with good parenting and the base question of this thread? at least I have the courage to say my mind unlike many hypocrites on this forum.
And I agree with Gr8Heera, most people have no knowledge or experience of life yet they give wrong 'Mashwaras' like scholars on this forum.
Yeah I don't know ppl why relate anyones 1 mistake to others that he won't be good at all in any other things.
I respect those ppl who do something wrong but admit it. It means he has a very big heart and accept he did bad thing. That means he has a good person inside him warna to ziadatar gunah alood zindagi guzar kar bhi apnay buray kaam ko achcha bananay kay liaay aik say aik fatway bana letay hain.
Insaan say naheen uski burai say nafrat karna chahyay.
Zaroori naheen aik kaam ghalat karnay wala her kaam main ghalat ho ga.
Bohat zaheen hotay hain aisay loag jo cheating kar kay bhi na pakray jain to wo jo kam bhi karain achcha to wo achch hi ho ga na.
Yes Paki That is the main reason I joined ppl give opposite mashwaray not only most of the time against Islam but against what is wrong for life of that person. Some ppl sometimes do give very good mashwara too.
PakiAmerican you misunderstand me, I am not here to create conflict between the parent and child. I am here to cultivate a harmonious happy relationship.
Tainting all Asian parents with the same filthy brush? Not at all. There are some wonderful parents on Gupshup (my role models) Mamaof3, Niksik, Sara and many others. It’s the most difficult job in the world but they perform it impeccably and immaculately with so much competence, pride and honour.
A child's independence and confidence should be fostered. Too many children are attached to their mother’s apron strings and swing from their father’s overalls. I know you feel threatened, you fear your child may not want to shovel your poo in your old age. However you should always think about the interests of the child, if they are swimming in the warm waters of contentment, so will you be.
Furthermore I hope you don’t treat your own children with the same distain, show some compassion and understanding.
PakiAmerican children learn from their parents (biological)
Seriously some of the people here have no idea what some women go through so do not generalise. I have seen bad parents who have arranged marriages for their gain without the thought of their children. What would you do with people who do not believe in educating their daughters forbid them from going to college then university, then arrange marriages with people which do not match their daughters.
When I was in secondary school My 16 year old friend got taken back to Bangladesh and married to a 33 year old that man did the most horrendous thing you can imagine to her, she is now back in the uk and living in hiding after getting a divorce.
While also at secondary school a 13 girl got removed from school and sent back home had her head shaved was beaten etc because she refused to marry a man picked by her parents. This girl was so beautiful mashallah absolutely stunning her parents destroyed her.
Seriously another close friend of mine lives in a shelter and has been in hiding since she was 16 because of what her parents did to her.
Maybe you haven’t met selfish parents but do not belittle the plight suffered by women to say parents do what they think is in the childs best interest, that is caveman mentality and it is you who does not understand. Also when taking advise from people i look at their characters if they are liars and cheaters and break the word of Allah swt then even engaging them in a conversation is beneath me.
For anyone who thinks they will be forced into marriage please reiterate that you do not want to marry that person. Do not go abroad, don’t give into emotional blackmail. Keep your passport and important papers with you. Tell your tutor, teacher, GP, friends that you might be forced to marry someone so if you go missing without any knowledge people can determine what has happened. Worst case scenario would be to go to a shelter but treat this as a last result if your life is threatened. Also contact the forced marriage unit 0207 008 0151
What this story gives me idea that there might be something that parents took her homeland and forced her to marry. Wink Wink.
Can you please tell me the character and doings of those girls.
What kind of girl can have himmat to leave her home? Can you tell me.
Was those girl involve in any relations or was got pregnant or was going to partying late night and many more.
Why would parents become so cruel to their innocent child. If she is innocent then she will agree what her parents would say to do. If she is like party and bf making type girl then she can run away from home for sure.
A innocent girl can't have that kind of himmat to leave home no matter what her parents do to her. I know parents can't be jallad without any reason are they crazy or what.
Please do not attempt to malign the character of my friends the girl who left home went to Islamic school, wears abbyiah and hajab she knows it is in her right to marry someone of her choosing mashallah she is very intelligent and the person her parents picked for her was illiterate. My other friend who got a divorce was helped by her brothers to come back to uk only they know where she is her parents don’t. The other girl M the pretty one did end up marrying the guy her parents picked, her life is very complicated (she is very sad) may Allah swt make her hardships easier for her and her children.
Also have you never heard of children being promised because of a business deals, family pressure on the parents.
I have seen many sad cases esp when i helped out at an Asian women's association (another source of help if people are experiencing problems)
sometimes we like to think the world is perfect and evil things dont happen, but it is more shameful to pretend they do not exist and make excuses for them. Just remember you will have no excuses in front of Allah then what will you do.
PakiAmerican you misunderstand me, I am not here to create conflict between the parent and child. I am here to cultivate a harmonious happy relationship.
Tainting all Asian parents with the same filthy brush? Not at all. There are some wonderful parents on Gupshup (my role models) Mamaof3, Sara and many others. It’s the most difficult job in the world but they perform it impeccably and immaculately with so much pride and honour.
A child independence and confidence should be fostered. Too many children are attached to their mother’s apron strings and swing from their father’s overalls. I know you feel threatened, you fear your child may not want to shovel your poo in your old age. However you should always think about the interests of the child, if they are swimming in the warm waters of contentment, so will you be.
Furthermore I hope you don’t treat your own children with the same distain, show some compassion and understanding.
PakiAmerican children learn from their parents (biological)
but anyways, doesn't bother me. You are just being childish and judgmental. I am an open minded person so I discussed something of personal nature, I am sure if you try to be even half as honest and open as me, I will still not judge you.
My response to your first post was altered by the moderator Sara who had too much free time for sticking her nose where it doesn't belong (now ban me...rite ?)... She accused me of making 'Personal Attack'....
Isn't calling me morally corrupt the same thing ? where is this Moderator?
but anyways, doesn't bother me. You are just being childish and judgmental. I am an open minded person so I discussed something of personal nature, I am sure if you try to be even half as honest and open as me, I will still not judge you.
Regards
Don't worry that's what moderator here do.
They give warning to you even you say gori to a gori who herself said in a post I'm a gori.
They even delete galies post of their friend and give other persone warning. lol
Go see Navaidishri's profile and his signature what he wrote for me. I didn't even say a thing neither complaint against him to anyone except my heart complaint to Allah.
You are new here you will see Most tellented ppl are Mod here. Masha Allah.
Rainyday brilliance personified. I am eternally grateful for your pearls of wisdom.
No one is suggesting the child should run away from their parents, you should face your problems (diplomatically negotiate) rather than avoid them. Yes after weighing up all the alternatives, as a final resort it maybe the only viable option left.
PakiAmerican if you have a mistress then you’re morally corrupt therefore a poor role model and consequently a poor parent. Your character above all else will be the guiding factor in shaping your children’s persona. Ignore it at your peril.
Gr8Heera you’re heaping the blame on the child? I signpost you to Rainydays riposte.
MangoTango, yes we are all human are therefore capable of making mistakes (galtiyaan) but this doesn’t excuse stupidity (baavkoofi).
^ and maybe someone should go to a shelter and meet some women girls who have been wronged then make up ur mind. Meet the girls abused, beaten, raped who have lost all trust and innocence in the world as the people who were supposed to love and protect them have failed them. Then what lessons would they learn from the world, what will their prospective be, how do you help them to rebuild their lives and trust in Allah again.
Rainyday brilliance personified. I am eternally grateful for your pearls of wisdom.
No one is suggesting the child should run away from their parents, you should face your problems rather than avoiding them. Yes after weighing up all the alternatives, as a final resort it maybe the only viable option left.
PakiAmerican if you have a mistress then you’re morally corrupt therefore a poor role model and consequently a poor parent. Your character above all else will be the guiding factor in shaping your children’s persona. Ignore it at your peril.
Gr8Heera you’re heaping the blame on the child? I signpost you to Rainydays riposte.
MangoTango, yes we are all human are therefore capable of making mistakes (galtiyaan) but this doesn’t excuse stupidity (baavkoofi).