A friend of mine has just undergone her second divorce.
Her first marriage was a love marriage, it ended in divorce 2 years later, he filed for divorce. Her second arranged marriage ended within a year, She filed for divorce. She has two kids, one by each of her marriages.
She now wants to marry again because she feels so ostracized within her family and community.
“Without a husband nobody sees you as anything, everyone looks down on you. I cant wear nice clothes, cant wear makeup, without someone making negative comments about me”. Her own father didnt speak to her for 6 months after her younger sisters wedding because she wore a sari and looked absolutely gorgeous.
She is one the strongest people I know, I admire her alot for going through what she has in the last 8 years.
Its easy to say, dont think about people, but is it easy as done?
Would any of you guys just stay in a loveless marriage just for the heck of it, just so not to be talked about? Stay in it just for your children, so they dont lose out? Just to say yeah, I have a husband?
yes, prospects of remarriage should be on top of yr agenda when u r divorcing…n i think, its always better if u really wanna to divroce to fisrt find a guy before divorcing, and then go for it…very few women are lucky to get family support after divorce, so its not a good idea to bank on it, unless u r being ‘abused’…everyone has different definitions of abuse waisai…loveless marriage, now could easily qualify as one…
I think its a choice that needs to be made after considering all factors.
Perhaps going along the lines of "what is the lesser of the two evils." It may be that staying in a loveless marriage is better because you may have financial stability, stable home background to bring up the kids etc. Who knows you may find yourself learning to respect your ex-partner and sharing a different type of relationship.
What happens if you do leave you partner and end up never finding another one?
this is an option if the husband is not violent or has criminally tendencies etc.
and is something Ive seen in a few families.
Personally I would say leave, however at this moment in time I have the luxury of looking at my life and thinking I would do this or that in a given scenario.
Real life, with its emotional and physical moral and cultural constraints may well be different.
I was just about to say that FF ... even if she's a widow, why should she not continue to 'live' life?
My aunt recently lost her husband. People expected her to just dress in dull colours, stop driving, hide in her home, etc. She refused to. She gets in her car everyday and does her daily things and she continues to dress with confidence and style as she used to before my uncle's death. More power to her!
Mariah, your friend shouldn't get married just to make others happy. It's time she start looking at her own happiness first.
I knew that in Hindu culture the widow is expected to dress/act in a more somber way but I didnt know it happened in pakistani culture.
I was told it was something some pak widows opted to do it for a certain length of time if they wanted to, a forty day period of mourning and then they go back to normal life.
MQ . well done to your Aunt, what others expect of her almost feels like a punishment!
That is what she is doing, by getting hitched. For her, her life starts then as she has family who will not let her be.
However, she was just an example i gave, i didnt mean the thread to be about her.
**"Would any of you guys just stay in a loveless marriage just for the heck of it, just so not to be talked about? Stay in it just for your children, so they dont lose out? Just to say yeah, I have a husband?
I would work at keeping a loveless marriage going. See, I dont see it being a problem now...I'm pretty affectionate when I get close to a person, and that person has to do a lot of harm before I decide to end the relationship.
I would definitely think of the kids before making any harsh decisions.
I don't think its mature to divorce if you're tired of small things, like he doesn't clean his razor or something. (small reasons are many times reasons for divorce surprisingly - I've seen it happen).
And all this love shove. Its really nonsense. If you marry because you think you're in love - either you're really in lust, or you really respect that person and admire them. I'd rather marry someone I love and respect than someone with a 12 inch penis and rippling muscles. Marriages last longer that way.
