Re: For the married Ladies
Matsui I think there is a negative correlation between the groups I described, unfortunately.
Re: For the married Ladies
I've notice by desi family if a women divorce of her husband
the family members look down to her like it's all her fault.
But it has nothing to do with whom's fault it is.
If a Husband & Wife can live with each other then why live
with each other? Yea i will say you've to work on your marriage and dont
divorce right away.
**
Nilu.
Re: For the married Ladies
Get out a little PCG. Don’t limit yourself. :k:
Re: For the married Ladies
I've been plenty out which is why now I am in.
Re: For the married Ladies
From my understanding, Islam while it does not encourage divorce, gives both partners the full liberty to get a divorce for some thing as basic as not liking the other individual.
We all have our own ways and limits of trying to make things work, some do it by bending them selves, some by making their view point heard.
I think your friend needs support and acceptance from those who really matter in her life. If her father is upset at her dressing up, perhaps she can have a one on one with her ammi to find out what was hurting him so about her reaching out towards happiness.
I do know that people in our culture tend to be rather nasty with words and comments especially if you are single beyond a certain age or divorced. Not caring to look at how much you may be hurting they rather indulge in their quick thrills of making up stories and gossiping about how 'you cant hang on to your man or how you go through so many men etc...'
As for marrying again, it needs to be with a person who respects what she has been through and will love her for her strenghts and be able to walk with her when others snicker. Lonliness is a reality but protection from being tormented from others and filling up that lonely space in life through marriage for the sake of it would not be the wisest thing to do.
Re: For the married Ladies
Theres no doubt, he is with her all the way.
Re: For the married Ladies
Ok, going to play the Davil's advocate here, sorry in advance for making people upset because I think I will..
Your friend needs to find out why she keeps marrying people and divorcing before she does it again. Two marriages and two divorces is not a good track record. Maybe she is attracted to something in the people she is marrying that is not good for the long term.
You know, the guy who is always buying you gifts and taking you out while working a so-so job is not necessarily the best person for you. Over time, that is wasteful (just an example).
Or maybe she is jumping into marriages without really knowing who these people are in the long term. Women are notorious for doing this.
I think your friend needs to go over in her mind (or on paper) what she is looking for in a husband: qualities, habits, etc. Then find someone who fits them all. Then, when she does, step back and slow down. If it is the right person, they will be willing to go at her pace.
I know nothing abot your friend and this is nothing about her personally, but about the choices she has made so far and her evaluating the reasons why she has 2 failed marriages behind her. Maybe, if she changes the ways or the reasons she is marrying people, she might have a successful one.
I think right now, she should worry less about people talking and also about marrying again, and more about how to make herself happy first.
Re: For the married Ladies
both marriages i guess, she or hubbies didnt wait or tried to save the marriage. 2 years is not much time to basically sort out personal differences and adopt ways to work it out.
no marriage will work if we just say, ok she/he has done this, thats it i am getting a divorce!
its not good to be in a un happy marriage, but at the same time a certain amount of time and effort should be given a try first to go for divorce, unless they know they are completely different breeds.
if she is going to get married just for sake of it then again she is doing a mistake.
Re: For the married Ladies
PCG :k:
Thanks everyone for your input.
Re: For the married Ladies
Good advice :k: but her second marriage was arranged, so i don’t think she can really be blamed for finding the “wrong guy”.
Re: For the married Ladies
I'm sorry Sarah, I thought that even in arranged marriages the woman has the option of saying no if she believes it wouldn't work. Am I mistaken in that?
Re: For the married Ladies
Yes she does- and in islam if you stay silent at the nikah or say yes, then its a yes other wise you can clearly say no. But i would recommend saying the no earlier to avoid all the anticipation and expenses of the actual wedding day.
Re: For the married Ladies
Yeah ur right, but (and im totally guessing/assuming here) maybe she was under so much pressure to get married becoz of a failed marriage that she didn’t want to say no and disappoint? Like you, I’m not tryiing to make assumptions bout the character or personality of the person in question, but what may be the decision-making process behind certain choices… 
Re: For the married Ladies
Yeah, it was like, “you forced your decision on us and it didnt work out, now you got to do it our way”
Re: For the married Ladies
Maybe she needs a bit more backbone before she wanders down the aisle again, some confidence and assertiveness. That way she can be more definite about what she wants and expects from a marriage.
Oh well, what ever she wishes, I wish her the best.