So I am sure all of us have been working full time one time or another, and we all know how hard it can be when you are suddenly out of work - being made redundant or perhaps starting a family etc.
How do you feel about having to rely on others - for example having started a new job, my boss was meant to pay me. Failing to do so this week, she told me it should be in my account next week, I was extremely over-drawn at which point my mother swooped in and gave me money, I felt awful as a consequence. As this money was meant to go for house things - i do normally contribute when I am working and it gives me a feeling of independance.
Has anyone else felt like this before? or is it just me. I remember a friend of mine who got married and her husband doesn’t allow her to work, she has ask him for 5 pounds sometimes just to go to the local shop, this was a girl who is outgoing and independant, and she said she felt very ashamed in doing this.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
When I graduated from college, I was unemployed for 3 months and had to hang around my parents home.
I felt so bad about it. They were so angry at me too for not having gone to medical school. I just didn't know what I wanted, so I had no plan in place for when I graduated. I eventually got a job, but it was very annoying. They never let me forget about it.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
I think it's really degrading when a wife has to ask her husband for money, and vice versa (I'm sure it must happen the other way too). There should be a pot of money where the spouse can take money when and if s/he needs it.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
alHamdolillah, it never happened with me until late last year. my boss was diagnosed with Breast Cancer and she had to take a long term leave and as a result i was let go for 4 months. since i'm single and have been working and living with bro and his family, i had no financial hardships alHamdolillah. i was worried if i could NOT go back to work. Thanks to Allah, she responded to treatment and we came back to work in early this year.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
I think it's really degrading when a wife has to ask her husband for money, and vice versa (I'm sure it must happen the other way too). There should be a pot of money where the spouse can take money when and if s/he needs it.
Why is asking the spouse for money degrading? It's not as if you are begging for money from a stranger.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
Why is asking the spouse for money degrading? It's not as if you are begging for money from a stranger.
I think it's just a natural reaction to asking another adult for money, not just spouse. I feel weird taking pocket money from my parents at this age, I feel weird asking my friends for a loan if I ever forget my wallet at home. My khala used to work before marriage, never had to rely on anyone and when she had to ask her husband for money, she felt very weird about it. He understood and he's been placing the money in a secure drawer ever since. Now whenever she needs any money, she just takes it out of the drawer. Simples.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
I think it's just a natural reaction to asking another adult for money, not just spouse. I feel weird taking pocket money from my parents at this age, I feel weird asking my friends for a loan if I ever forget my wallet at home. My khala used to work before marriage, never had to rely on anyone and when she had to ask her husband for money, she felt very weird about it. He understood and he's been placing the money in a secure drawer ever since. Now whenever she needs any money, she just takes it out of the drawer. Simples.
Feeling weird is not the same as degrading.
I dont like asking money from my parents or friends too.
But with the spouse it's a different story. i have never felt weird or low, and definitely never felt degrading.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
NO i would not feel degraded 'asking' for my husband to provide for me. It is my haqq as a wife that he should provide me the basics such as food, shelter, clothes. However if he is working like a nutcase trying to make ends meet and i'm demandind chanel handbags then this is degrading.
If I am a mother and raising his children then if my husband funds mine and their life, then this is nothing to be ashamed of or feel degraded.
I am also an independant woman, but I would rather raise my children in a secure and safe environment untill they are trot off to school, rather than go out and prioritise my career, hence the work I do at home is no less harder, letting my husband provide for me without demanding a contribution while i devote my life raising our children is not degrading.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
also if the shoe was on the other foot, i hope to God my husband would never feel degraded asking me for anything including money. I am glad we have a very loving, secure and strong bond that is not affected by money etc.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
Why is asking the spouse for money degrading? It's not as if you are begging for money from a stranger.
IMO, I think it is degrading - makes the other person feel slightly worthless. For example, if a wife has to ask her husband for £5 to buy a sack of potatoes. I don't think she should have to ask for something so little like £5.
Like BarbieCue said, it would be better to place money in a drawer so the spouse could take it whenever s/he wants, to avoid such a feeling.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
With parents...the relationship is such that there's a greater amount of flexibility. You could...when you get the money...pay your mom back. But then again....it's hard to pay em back for all that they've done for you over the years...before you even reached that independent stage. So...take it easy, PO :) . Get your mom a gift later on.....to show her you appreciate her helping you out....it fosters affection.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
I don’t get it! It’s still his money whether its sitting in the drawer or his pocket, so how does it make a difference? Or is it about her having to ask for it as oppose to just getting it herself? I believe the wife has a right over her husband’s money so why the ego?
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
Everyone's different guys, it's not a big deal. Some women are more sensitive about this than others. No harm in asking, no harm in taking it out of the drawer, do whatever suits you best.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
This problem is not specific to women only. What do you think men do when they go jobless and are unable to fend for themselves?
Well if men do it, it makes sense because as a husband it's their obligation to provide for the wife and not vice versa. So its very natural for them to feel useless and whatnot if they are not able to fulfil their duty.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
Zareen, I’ve been earning ever since I was 16. Do you not think I’d be so used to taking care of my own expenses by the time I get married that I **will **feel somewhat awkward asking this new guy in my life for money if I’m not working any more? Fair play to you if you won’t, but I will. Contrary to my khala’s zamana, good thing we have things like joint accounts and easy access to ATMs at all times so I won’t be bothering with a drawer either. Just get me a bank card plz&thankyou.
Re: For the Independent women - Depending on others?
Sometimes you make me ‘LOL’ for that you deserve a
The only time iv ever asked anyone for money was during uni days when I had no funds and a travel card to buy. My younger sister put £10 into my account. I cried that day. I do have issues with asking people for monies. I dont have any issues asking for gifts, but i’ve never asked for monies.
I don’t get it! It’s still his money whether its sitting in the drawer or his pocket, so how does it make a difference? Or is it about her having to ask for it as oppose to just getting it herself? I believe the wife has a right over her husband’s money so why the ego?
