I’ve been horribly spoiled in that my two BILs do say to my sisters and to their family around them exactly what I’ve listed. So I know that men are capable of valuing their wives aur us mai unki shaan nahiN ghat thi, bal kay barRh thi hai.
Even if my guy (wherever he is) doesn’t say it in words, so long as his actions reflect his appreciation for me (respect and affection which I would expect to earn as opposed to being handed by virtue of a nikkah-nama), I’d be thrilled.
^Then inshaAllah you’ll find your frog/prince charming … keep looking and praying… I believe that prayers do get answered, maybe a bit late but they do
That’s not true. You can’t generalize. I’ve only been married 4 months and my husband appreciates me pretty much everyday! Maybe it’s coz we’re newly weds but I have enough faith in him that he will continue to appreciate me for the rest of our lives.
I think as a couple you should be each others best friend. Being each other’s best friend automatically takes care of so many problems that arise in a marriage.
But every marriage has its own dynamics. Some couples are best friends and I think that’s what every girl would ideally want. Some couples aren’t best friends and just settle into their unique roles as a husband and wife. Some couples, actually some wives are constantly playing mind games with their husbands but it works for them!
i just totally find this hard to believe, pakistani men that i’ve seen get nikaahfied right after graduating from college or some even before graduating if we’re talking arranged by parents(just so the guys don’t marry women that will not be acceptable to them) and for most desis isn’t that the most common way of getting hitched?
i figured that even most men and gals on GS were already married including you CM ji
even for abroad raised pakistani guys getting married pretty early if not to an abcd then most likely a girl from pakistan of their parents choice was quite common
for girls including the american raised ones, it’s always been even at a younger age. has it really changed so drastically now in the last couple of months?
Sehrysh - I never used the word unreasonable. I used the word unrealistic. And I additionally stated that women will not accept an 8 out of 10. Or even a 9 out of 10 of any list created. As discussed previously in this thread and others, there is not a list of 2 or 3 things that are core and the rest can be managed. Its a list of 10 to 20 qualities of which none can be compromised. Now riddle me this batgirl, do you know any guy who fulfills all the qualities you mentioned. No your brothers in law don't count.
Anya and MIAinVA - Not everything is a gender battle. Seriously. MIA who said it was everything? Did I mention it? Nope. I just asked about dinner. Do you think your husband would be more willing to help out around the house, if the views you encouraged on GS were part of your daily life. I can easily guess that your family life and the views you hold are not the same espoused on GS. Would you ever tell your husband that he has to cook dinner because as a girl you hate the gender based stereotypes associated with it?
The basic problem with desi girls is that everything is a gender battle to them even when it freaking isn't. Its dinner. How the **** is that an issue of gender discrimination. If it is, you lot must consider your mothers very poor role models. And you wonder why desi guys marry more foreigners these days without any concerns.
Nisha - Ain't married. Got a few years before that. Hell unlike the general GS impression of me I have a few years till I hit 30.
So on one hand you’re acknowledging that I’m reasonable, yet my reasonable expectations are impractical - now that’s truly unfortunate :hinna:
We’re going back and forth in the two threads you opened but the list of requirements you’ve written is not as rigid as you present because of how each individual perceives those requirements. For example, settled could be: 1) owns his own home and car and has savings in the bank OR 2) it could mean holds down a job and is able to support a family without worrying about how to pay the bills at the end of the month.
The way I see it, it’s not a matter of not being able to meet all 10 out 10 of the requirements - the compromise is not in excluding those qualities in your partner, but in but how each of us qualifies or understands those requirements as practically applicable.
And, Joker (or is it Riddler), as for whether or not there are guys who meet all those requirements - sure there are guys other than my BILs who are like that - I’m good friends with a few of them.
… keep looking and praying… I believe that prayers do get answered, maybe a bit late but they do 