Re: For some odd reason…
Nice answer :k:
Re: For some odd reason…
wow you have a normal side too… lol 
plus there is age factor for females as well :hinna:
Re: For some odd reason....
Pfft what normal side? I am a pathetic chauvinistic pig and I maintain that is the only facet of my personality anywhere near redeemable.
Re: For some odd reason…
must be your clone 
Re: For some odd reason…
Good logic. 
lol 
Re: For some odd reason....
[quote]
Nisha it is very simple. It is finding the right girl. Dating is more common in Pakistani society, but for some reason, the divorce rate has also increased substantially. Additionally I am gonna get a lot of abuse for this, but most Pakistani girls know its true. Unrealistic standards. A guy starting off and starting to get settled in his job and life will not maintain the same standard of living a girls father maintains at the peak or end of his career. Girls basically need to step down off their high horses when they marry a guy starting off. Very few are willing to do that.
Additionally superficial standards. Whats worse is that there are fewer "good men" than "good women". So most guys do not have to wait around to find a good girl. Girls on the other hand have a worse off situation.
Lastly men in Pakistani society have it easier. They can marry "foreign" women and not face the same backlash as Pakistani girls. So that provides more avenues for finding a more compatible girl. If you read these forums, you will find very few guys seriously complaining about their marriages. Yet all the ladies do.
[/quote]
Exactly my sentiments CM!. I know couple of hard working and university graduated Pakistani fellows who just started with their career. They are earning 40000+ to start with so the problem they are facing is finding a girl who doesn't have nakhraiz and unrealistic standards. Hence forth, they are looking into marrying non-pakistani girls as they have met Turkish and Iraqi girls. Who mash'allah are awesome and down to earth individuals. Even myself, who is well educated and independent looking into marrying non-pakistani girl who grew up here (in West) with good family values. You don't see that much drama as it is straightforward rishta process. So girls, step down from your high grounds.
Re: For some odd reason…
I don’t understand something, so menfolk, please enlighten me:
Yes, there is a cross-section of girls who have graduated from highschool and don’t have any professional successes or accomplishments to their name and who aspire to marry well-settled guys who can support them in the same style as their daddy used to 
. They have a laundry list of requirements they expect the guy to meet despite the what they may or may not have to themselves offer.
But what of the ladies who have gone to school, enjoy their careers and, horror of horrors, actually have a mind and opinions of their own, who say:
Why can’t I find a guy who has got his act in order (went to school, knows what he’s doing and is a kind/decent guy who’s not looking for a girl who’s strictly arm candy) and and is on the SAME (not higher) footing as me, insofar as he’s put his foot on the ladder and is climbing up said ladder?
Are such women unreasonable - isn’t she expecting some like-minded and similarly settled in life?
Re: For some odd reason....
See Sehrysh as I stated in the Prince Charming thread, those views are not unreasonable. But its not limited to that is it? The girl you describe, wants more than a guy who on the same footing and same educational background. He has to have the mentality that fits with the women. He has to have the same views as her. He must want the same thing as her.
Most modern day desi girls don't know how to spell the word compromise let alone know what it means.
A question. A normal refrain on GS and in real life i hear is that desi girls do not want to work 9/5 and then come home and cook a meal for the husband and themselves. The question I ask is why? When they live alone, they cook for themselves. However when they get married all of a sudden it becomes an issue. Why is that?
Re: For some odd reason....
charan choing
aap mahan ho.
Re: For some odd reason....
See Sehrysh as I stated in the Prince Charming thread, those views are not unreasonable. But its not limited to that is it? The girl you describe, wants more than a guy who on the same footing and same educational background. He has to have the mentality that fits with the women. He has to have the same views as her. He must want the same thing as her.
Most modern day desi girls don't know how to spell the word compromise let alone know what it means.
A question. A normal refrain on GS and in real life i hear is that desi girls do not want to work 9/5 and then come home and cook a meal for the husband and themselves. The question I ask is why? When they live alone, they cook for themselves. However when they get married all of a sudden it becomes an issue. Why is that?
ou make a very good point - what some of those requirements represent is a proxy measure for mental compatibility. A successful marriage is not based on wealth and material goods - it is based on shared values and visions that a couple has for their life TOGETHER. Differences of opinion are natural - but differences in values and priorities can be fatal to a relationship.
Not all women, but a reasonable woman who values her husband and her relationship would make the compromises necessary to make her relationship successful. She doesn't need the 4 bedroom home with 2 cars in the garage, two vacations a year and designer clothes hanging in the closet.
She wants a husband who says the following:
- I am proud of you for your accomplishments (this does not mean the promotion at work, but even something as like running the household well)
- I value you for your contributions to our family
- I trust you to raise our children with the right values
- Your opinion matters and you and our family are a priority in my life
- We can work together to realize our mutual goals
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And those qualities are placed in the aforementioned list.
- Education
- Good Family
- Intelligence
- Liberal
- No hang ups regarding previous women and feminism
etc.
Which leads back to my original point that a modern day desi women does not want just what you listed. She wants a whole lot more.
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@ CM: We are having such a circular conversation here. Explain to me what on my list is unreasonable and why every husband shouldn't have those traits?
And to the married guys - you tell me, is what I've listed unreasonable?
Re: For some odd reason…
When the guys live alone, they also cook themselves… its kind of unfair to ask her to do EVERYTHING. If the wife is working plus after coming home taking care of kids, cleaning, laundry, etc. … why can’t the husband help her out a bit with these chores. Why is the woman expected to do everything?
The aqalmand husband (example mine ) helps out… mine doesn’t help me with landry and cleaning, but at least he doesn’t fuss when I say I’m tired, can’t cook today, lets get take-out… he either gets up and cooks something or gets some take-out or better yet finds his wife a desi aunty who cooks food for them
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There is wrong with marrying late or not marrying at all in life. But you get more picky as you age.
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Sehrysh, your list is not unreasonable. One just has to meet the right person who shares those views as well. Some guys may not want their wife to work, or feel inferior if the woman's job is slightly better than theirs. Some may not share the same values. One just has to go through the process and meet enough prospectives to find the right one for them.
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:hinna: Sehrysh… I’ll let you in on a secret, no husband will EVER admit those (the list of things you want your husband to say) … he will not say them out aloud to you. It took me three years just to get my husband to actually admit that he values all that I do 
I dont know why, but somehow men have this perception (in general) that if you let a woman know how much you value her, she will start taking you for granted and not respect you anymore aur “sar par charh jaye gi” :hinna: You have to spend a lot of time convincing them otherwise.
Re: For some odd reason....
A question. A normal refrain on GS and in real life i hear is that d*esi girls do not want to work 9/5 and then come home and cook a meal for the husband and themselves. The question I ask is why? When they live alone, they cook for themselves. However when they get married all of a sudden it becomes an issue.* Why is that?
See here is what the problem is;
Same goes for the guy, if he lives alone & cooks for himself why cant he help out his wife, why is it such an issue?
S**haadi dono ki hui hay, men want to get all the ghar ka araam, while the poor female has increased her burdens & work load after shadi, so whats in it for her? wheres the change in her life?
People always fix the kitchen/household with women. If thats the case then earning & providing luxuries should be the husband's job solely. If the wife is helping you out earning wise so that both of you can have a good life ( which solely you cant provide), why does it bite the men to help them around the house?
Over the years women have changed a lot for the good. If the husband is not earning enough they have started working. They take care of the house, they bear kids & now they earn, they are helping the best they can. The problem is male mentality hasnt changed therefore, more marriage troubles/divorces.
Its their" shaan kay khilaaf" to help in the house, they cant bear kids, what is it that they are doing which the female cant do?
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^Providing the sperm I guess .... thats why they think they're superior.
I'm glad my husband is not like that :) alhamdulillah
Re: For some odd reason…
it not at all unreasonable & these arent even out of this earth traits that we want
the general trend is, its ok for the guy to ask for whatever he want in his wife coz its his right, why??? coz he’s the man!!
If a woman wants the same things in her life partner… nakhray wali hay, uski demands suno
Lucky are the women who get decent guys
Hope they are not all extinct & there’s one for me somewhere 
Re: For some odd reason....
^Providing the sperm I guess .... thats why they think they're superior. I'm glad my husband is not like that :) alhamdulillah
:)