Missing my mom badly these days :teary1: … won’t be able to see her before next month in any case… was trying to write something, but couldn’t… feeling highly incapable :mad: … despite…tried something… :teary3:
PS: Last sheir is inspired by an incident on the death of a friend’s mother. Soon once the funeral and rituals were over and my friend was going out of home, an elderly person said: “Son, from now onwards, take extra care when you go out of home because your mom is no more here to pray for your safe return. Many evils don’t dare come near you just because of your mom.”
Beautiful !
haan Amal, mother ka relation hi aysa, poori duniya ayk turaf aur mother ayk turaf, Allah ay ajeeb rishta bunaiya hay, Allah sub ko apni mothers kay pass rahna naseeb kuray :(
Amal Jee.. Obviusly anything written about MOTHER has always deep feelings attached to it.. Mujhe parhnay main rawani k lihaaz se sab se acha 2nd couplet laga.. first n last main mujhe kuch garbar lagh rahee hai.. dont know kia garbar..
In any case, thoughts are beautiful.. but needed to be arranged in more beautiful way.. :$
First you say meri maan, then you say teri maan, aap ki aur kisi aur ki maan. Is the dedication to two mothers? Somehow in this short poem, two mothers do not seem to fit together unless you are comparing them, and that I do not believe is the purpose of your poem. So what have you to say? I hope you can take this crit and not ban anyone who is fair and makes constructive criticism here. Even reading your poem with the appended note does not make it a poem to be reckoned with except the rhyme.
Dear tanzan, ager aap ghor se parho tou yahan sirf aik he maan ka zikr hai.. last line main jo TERI MAAN hai, wo third person (Bala-ain) Amal se keh raha hai k TERI MAAN tujhe tanha nahi honay deti..
How does Bala-ain change meri to teri? Teri is OK in the second person if every one's mom is like the narrator's mom in the poem.
The poem, however, appears to be like an exercise on writing poetry about one's mother and does not come to the standard of poet's other creations.
Bala-ain=troubles, misfortunes, calamities? YES
How does Bala-ain change meri to teri? As third person, ager main Bala hoon aur aapki ammi ka zikr karon to kia kahonga, teri maan ya aapki maan na?? to wats the problem?
Abb poem main alfaaz ki arrangement pe aap ne comment kerna ho to kerdain, ya poem quality per.. but teri meri walay point abb dobara mat uthana aap.. please.. :s
