Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
Pak-One, when your wife is ready to spew out a 9 lb hefty Pakistani baby from her loins, you want a man catching it or a woman?
In that case, let there be career women. There is a need for those of us who choose to work.
Doesn’t matter sadzz, I’ve seen this syndrome before. When this one here has kids, his daughters will go to top notch IVY league schools and run for president. It all changes when its a blood relative.
My dad was the same - didn’t want my mom to work. He’s been busting his two daughters to go through an ordeal of schooling, to work. Not to sit at home. He hears about families wanting educated professional degree girls and then stopping their careers, because “well our beta is making money, so that’s enough” and it makes his blood boil. Meanwhile, he stopped my mom from doing some coursework here.
People change - the other day dad was like “will you help your mom get a job after I die? I don’t want her to be left with nothing”. I was like “Why didn’t you think of that earlier on when you pulled her out of school to have your babies?”
Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
"an idle mind is the devil's workshop"
well husband should help her wife in every aspect and in every dimension of life like Prophet Muhammad PBUH helped Hazrat Khadija.
in initial years of marriage, wifes do get bored sitting at home, so let them work, and after they have kids request her to stop and request her to concentrate in her house and in her social circle. mean while she can do (if her husband is making some good fortune) do some exciting activities. and ask her to resume her work after 7-8 years.
and they should not only think about their marriage but also should be some active member of community.
well this is how i think and this is what i have extracted from the lives of ppl in my surrounding.
but it varies from family to family, cuz if the husbands income is not sounding then wife should help him out and help him to grow so she should work then.
Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
I know what you mean PCG. This is what bugs me.
thankfully, my dad was not like that. He encouraged mum to get an education, her choice she didnt. And he and my bro are encouraginy my SIL to do the same... and Inshallah she will. Khair, that aside.
I dont understand what men mean by, we provide, so the woman doesnt need to work. They offer her volunteer work, like its some type of gift they are giving her.. Its not your gift to give mate, its her right to do what she wants, obviously taking into account whats best for her child and family...
Neways, this isnt about a mother looking after her child... its more about being able to have that choice. And telling her she can do "consulting" whatever that means in ur books pak-one (in my books it actually means A LOT of work) or volunteering.... which sounds more like "hey, cus i want to look like a good hubby, im gonna allow my wifey to do something and boast about it to my mates..."
well husband should help her wife in every aspect and in every dimension of life like Prophet Muhammad PBUH helped Hazrat Khadija.
in initial years of marriage, wifes do get bored sitting at home, so let them work, and after they have kids request her to stop and request her to concentrate in her house and in her social circle. mean while she can do (if her husband is making some good fortune) do some exciting activities. and ask her to resume her work after 7-8 years.
and they should not only think about their marriage but also should be some active member of community.
well this is how i think and this is what i have extracted from the lives of ppl in my surrounding.
but it varies from family to family, cuz if the husbands income is not sounding then wife should help him out and help him to grow so she should work then.
Zobia, do u even know what being out of work 7-8 years in certain fields can mean? it means starting from scratch. Requesting her to leave her job... why does a husband need to request? why not discuss the options before trying for a child and then deciding what would be the best thing to do..
i dunno what field ur in... but 7-8 years.. or even 2+ in mine is a long time.
Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
Why not just avoid marrying a career woman if you want her to sit at home? Plenty of girls sitting around waiting for rishtas - go for them. Why ruin a girl’s life when she has career plans or plans to do work of whatever sort she’s interested in?
I agree sadzz, its like they think they’re giving a gift. desi men and their power trips.
Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
As if one disgruntled, stressed-out, slaved-out, over-loaded, and irritable parent showing up at home at 9 pm everyday is not enough, we now want two of them :--) Anyways. To each his own. Its all about your lifestyle choice.
Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
PCG, because a wife that has an education, or done something, makes them look good. Makes them look "different" to those who have opted to marry someone who hasnt got such an education or who has gone down some other path.
maybe guys dont allow their wives to work cus they are afraid that if she starts to work, she will neglect the poor hubby's stomach needs... God only knows
U know, to be fair, there are a lot of females out there who dont want to work, who dont want to have a career. Go marry them.
On a side note, id like to point out, career women arent so bad in the kitchen either. We may not cook as often as we'd like. But we do make a genuine effort when we do. So all that crap about giving you daal while we work is not true..
Scratch being disgruntled is a choice u make.. its a mental thing. If you dont have the stamina.. then u dont. But dont impose that on someone who maybe very capable of handling a work life and still being able to smile when she comes home to her child(ren)
This is what i dont understand.... why do u men need to make that choice. Unless you know what a women is capable of, do not go around making decisions for her.. or saying what she is and is not capable of doing.
We women, can handle smiles and hugs and patience even after working our butts off the entire day. And i know, some men are capable of that too... [edited]
We women, can handle smiles and hugs and patience even after working our butts off the entire day. And i know, some men are capable of that too... too bad ur not
Take it easy sadzzz. It was a general statement. Personal comments are not appreciated.
Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
^ apologies.
All i am saying is that, a women is capable of a lot more.. seriously. Pls dont estimate her stamina or what she can and cant do. We may look fragile, but seriously, we aint. That's a drama to get you guys to buy us what we want
As if one disgruntled, stressed-out, slaved-out, over-loaded, and irritable parent showing up at home at 9 pm everyday is not enough, we now want two of them :--) Anyways. To each his own. Its all about your lifestyle choice.
Scratchoo, a woman who is forced to sit at home for the rest of her life when she envisioned her life to be spent doing rocket science will get like that too.
I had a cousin - she was a trained doctor and her husband who was a travel agent made her sit at home.
he lost most of his household income.
she became such an unbearable person to be around - she made EVERYONE miserable.
I came to Pakistan that summer, and everyone was like, why is she flipping out? Well, she's not working anymore, and that's all she's known her whole life, duh. So, now her ego is intertwined with everything that goes on at her home, as oppose to bossing people around in an OR.
Never make a surgeon sit at home. NEVER. It's suicide.
She beat him up black and blue, I kid you not.
Eventually someone took my advice. She's back to work now, and they're HAPPILY married.
Moronic men. And he had his choice of gharwali's - believe me.
What im saying is that, working is not about money. For some its a sense of achievement, a sense of being able to do something. A sense of recognition... being able to contribute to an organsation. Be able to make decisions... just be able to do something for themselves..
believe me, i have NOTHING against volunteer work, or those that do it.... what i have a problem with is husbands giving their wives options of "volunteer" work rather than letting them make up their own mind.... why can she not have a business of her own, why can she not be an IT consultant.. why cant she be an accountant... even further pursue her goals in becoming a chartered accountant?
why just volunteer work?
You are the one focusing on volunteer work not me. If you read my initial post it would depend on whether children are in the picture or not. Also any decision would be based on a discussion of within the family and her desires to work/not work.
I don’t think that you have a firm grasp of career pathways. A consultant by default is an independent businessman/woman. A CA/CPA with her own practice is also a consultant, same applies for an IT Consultant. Like I said before, there are many many ways of achieving a sense of recognition, being able to contribute, and do something for yourself.
As for the Dr. delivering the baby, it should be the best person for the job. Not my call. Thanks for the graphic description and the analogy of the baby being a basketball to pass around.
I am far for being ready for marriage, even if were this would be decided by me and the future wife, not a peanut gallery in an anonymous message board.
Sure people change, there is no guarantee that my views will stay the same. Did you just call your father an idiot for changing his views?
Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
I will only marry (Insh'Allah) someone from my career choice who wants to work, hence pre-empting the entire issue of whether she should work or not.
In my opinion, and looking at the families in our social circles, the kids with working parents are more sensible, independent and mature than the kids with house-wife mothers who even though they're well past their teens still can't make their beds if their life depended on it.
Also, in my experience, housewives are more likely to have the 'nakhray' culture whereas working women are fully aware of what is required to put food on the table. This is a generalisation, so please no flipping out; it's just what I've seen.
As for kids, I would want her to take a couple of years out, and then resume her career. I think many women wouldn't mind doing that anyway.
I will only marry (Insh'Allah) someone from my career
A little off topic but dont you think it would be more interesting to marry someone who has a totally different career? For instance a doctor marrying a doctor, that would be so monotonous...
Maybe thats not what you were implying, but something I just wanted to comment on... it can be a new thread if the mods want.
A little off topic but dont you think it would be more interesting to marry someone who has a totally different career? For instance a doctor marrying a doctor, that would be so monotonous...
Maybe thats not what you were implying, but something I just wanted to comment on... it can be a new thread if the mods want.
I can see what you're saying, and many others have said this to me too :) But for me, marrying a woman from my career would give us a bond and an understanding that I have seen first hand amongst other similar couples and greatly admired.
I mean at the end of the day, as they say in Pakistan, rishtay aasmaan main bantay hain so you never know of course, but it is a preference of mine!
ofcourse i am saying basing it on my field (cuz i can always work from home). how would i know about yours? but then i can also do things at home if i had done BBA, cuz i believe its always to to explore other things in life as well.
but if u want to stick to one thing then sure go a head. i personally dont think that its really easy to sail in two boats. but if u can manage both your home and work, i salute u.
i got the education to get knowledge and to find the purpose of my life, not to run behind money.
if you want work sure go ahead.
ps. i am in favor of women working but they should also must take care of their health.
Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
I want to have a husband who will stay at home and be a good role model for his kids. You know, a guy who cooks and cleans, because I want my boys to learn that household work is important for them. You know, I mean, I don’t MIND if he does some volunteer work or consulting on the side. He can do that from home and find time for the babies he produced.
Re: For men: Career or home, would you let your wife decide?
How he would be a good role model for the kids if he is a Daddy at home ????? Your all sons are going to be like that. They all will marry gals but will be ghar damaad doing dishes , cleaning , washing etc for wives.
How he would be a good role model for the kids if he is a Daddy at home ????? Your all sons are going to be like that. They all will marry gals but will be ghar damaad doing dishes , cleaning , washing etc for wives.
do all stay at home mums daughters end up being stay at home ones as well?
a quick glance in my own khandan indicates that is not the case.
why would it be different for men?
PS: are mommies at home not good rolemodels for the kids also?
