For married people

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: For married people

I just praying for this. ALLAH knows best .

22

Re: For married people

I would opt for a live in relationship anyday if marriage wasn't such a 'big deal' in our culture :/

(On second thought maybe i shouldn't say this cuz im married to the love of my life and we kina do live like free birds and its just been six months :/)

Im just stupid..ignore me

23

Re: For married people

I Think only 5+ yrs couple should reply hmm

24

Re: For married people

For me , yes, if the bacha factor wasnt there, the marriage is just plain struggle and changes the whole direction of life for a woman ..I dont know about men though.

25

Re: For married people

difficult to answer this.....
there are days you wish that you never did it....and then you see your child(ren) and you realize that you would cut off an arm and leg to do it again exactly the same way.....
and yes....that is a philosophical answer.

26

Re: For married people

^ so is it just the 'children' that matter ?

27

Re: For married people

The power of kids should never ever be underestimated ! The role they play to keep marriages together ! :omg:

28

Re: For married people

Is that even right ? Is it the child who is supposed to be a bond in a marriage ? Isn't it the spouse who should be the reason one is in a marriage rather than the child ?

29

Re: For married people

LP , I dont know if its right or not. before I got married , I used to shun the statement made by people who would class their kids as the bond in their marriage. Now I am in a marriage myself and day in and day out , my decisions , even about marriage and every single relationship around me ( family and friends ) revolves around whats best for my little guy.

I cant walk out of many relationships purely because as much as it might be fair to me , it might not be fair to my child. I dont think , before him, I would have thought up so much to keep those relationships. I dont know, life teaches a new lesson every single day ..

30

Was there someone you missed? :arzi:
[/quote]

Nazia Hassan <3

31

For married people

Yes I would get married again and to the same person. It's hard to imagine my life without the hubs.

However, I would never advocate joint family for a newly wed couple EVER. Again, never, for anyone. Living with others was the biggest strain on our marriage and was breaking us apart, two years later after moving out and I can hardly remember the last time we fought about anything. That just proved to me that we both were giving up a lot of ourselves just to make others happy and the marriage was never actually about us. Now our compromises actually feel worth it because there are no external factors interfering in the decisions we make for ourselves and our decisions only affect us. Maybe it sounds selfish but if the scenario is such in your life that even your marriage can't be about you and your spouse then the answer is probably no, it's better to not get married. It's not worth it because it's one of those, damned if you do, and damned if you don't and no ones ever happy. I can appreciate and understand the sentiment about a marriage being about two families coming together in theory but in practice, no. It's an over statement because a marriage isn't about two families, at all. It's about two people coming together to start a new family and they should be given that freedom to do so. Simple.

Just my opinion after all that's happened and standing by this has been what has made us both realize what is important for us in OUR marriage. I don't have kids yet either.

32

Re: For married people

^this.

I would prefer to believe that we are in a marriage and remain there mostly because of the partner that we chose.....but reality is that this may not always be true. Some couples grow together over the years and others grow apart. Often the outside world is just not privy to these changes because the couple makes choices that are best for the child(ren) even if they have to sacrifice their own happiness.

33

Re: For married people

Mujhe pata tha koi to hai :blush:

34

Re: For married people

Hhahah. Like.

Thank you for sharing everyone else. On my phone now.. Will reply later

35

Re: For married people

A child usually does create a stronger bond between husband and wife - and by that I don't mean people who don't have kids don't have a strong bond. They have too. Kids usually just add in a bit extra emotion wise. I personally don't think kids should be the only reason for bond in a marriage. A marriage is a journey, your partner and you should have a bond on its own that is strong enough to get through the ups and downs.

36

Re: For married people

My children are not the reason my husband and I are together. We went through a period where we were not sure we would ever be able to have children, and of that were the case, I'm fairly certain we would still be together.

IMO, children strengthen and beautify an already sacred bond.

37

Re: For married people

  1. yes
  2. I would get married sooner and without waiting/trying to win over blessings of 10+ family members and without trying to fulfill anyones cultural expectations/rivayat.
38

Re: For married people

This sounds acceptable.

39

Re: For married people

^This!!!!

Children may bring a couple that is already close even closer but it is not their responsibility to "keep marriages together." At the risk of sounding a bit callous, if a child is the ONLY thing keeping your marriage together, then quite frankly, you badly need to evaluate your marriage and your life. It would be far wiser and more effective for people to sort out their issues rather than placing the responsibility of keeping their marriage together on a child. Placing such a great responsibility on a child is unethical and extremely unfair.

Children do not guarantee that a marriage will stay together. I've seen cases where a couple had child in hopes of "strengthening" their marriage and it ended in divorce because they had issues that badly needed addressing and the changes and stress of a child only exacerbated those underlying issues. I've also seen instances where the children were the only thing keeping a marriage together and as soon as the children went off to uni, one of the spouses left and filed for divorce.

40

Re: For married people

I will say one thing being on the other side (parent-child scenario). If a marriage is not working, placing the burden of the success or failure or better yet, unhappiness on the child is grossly unfair.

I know that a lot of people who may not have the strongest bond with their spouse are content in their relationship because of their child - but for that small percentage who are genuinely unhappy with one another, to stay together and remain unhappy and make one another unhappy is horrible for their children - whether the parent says as much to their child or not. The child spends their life dealing with the push-pull of two unhappy people.

I'm not advocating that people split up, rather if you choose to stay together for the sake of the children, find enough in the other person to be able to respect and care for your spouse. Living a life of misery and matyrdom "for the sake of the kids" isn't doing any favours for your kids. In fact, it damages the child to be subject to this kind of dysfunctional relationship.