I know couples who got divorced while living with inlaws. Guess why they got divorced? Because of these ghareloo jhagre and how everyone gets involved in the couples' marital affairs. Whats your point?
IT IS A RULE that if the wife so chooses, she will have every right to ask for a separate home. There is nothing selfish or bad about that, just life. To avoid misunderstandings, its the best route to go.
Thats what i am asking
Is it in Quran? In Constitution? In Hadith? Where does this rule come from.
All Im saying to you is that agar vo aurat pagal nahin hai then there is more this than meets the eye. Unless she s imbalanced, no one starts picking fights with their inlaws and demanding to get away from them to their face. Do you think you might have missed something? Im not trying to be rude here, promise. You might not know eeverything that is going on behind closed doors. Honestly speaking, will the husband or inlaws admit their mistake in this? No way.
Also, a really good way to handle this is for the husband to stop being such a baby. Find a small apartment close to his parents and call it a day. She doesnt have to go and see her inlaws but her husband has a responsibility towards his parents. So, he should go to check on them, take care of them, see if they're okay, spend some time with them, etc. It really is that simple. IF she still isnt happy, then they should take the temperature of this relationship and see how it will work in the long run.
Im not married but am scared to irritate my inlaws or have them think bad of me. I never stop him from anything he wants to do because I expect him to be there for my parents too and he is.
Unless something happened, no one would start demanding these thing. Kwim?
very well said my dear, i said this too, ok if she needs a seperate house, she can, its her right, but asking her husband not to meet his parents, siblings is such a stupid condition, aap ne theek kaha, husband should stop acting like a baby, and provide her a house as well as "taking care and visiting" his parents shouldnt be stopped, lekin yeh baat wo larki samjhay toooooo.... she misbehaves with him a lot when he doesnt obey her, jabke, khud batao yaar, kisko kisay obey kerna chahye??? i pray for the couple to be at a better solution, jo dono ke haq main behtar ho, aameen.
To WitchDr: not taking this girl in ma mind, but i swear i would prefer living in a joint family system, i would love to call my mother in law, as my mother, his siblings would be my siblings, so what if she scolds me, she IS my mother as she is my husbands mother. ye dil ki baat hoti hay, agar mujhay apnay husband se saccha piyar hoga to uske tamaam rishto se bhi automatically sachha piyar hoga!!!
main kabhi seperate house main nahin rehna chahun, ghar main buzrug hotay hain to sukun hota hay, jab ghar main jannat hi naa hoto ghar jahannum ban jata hay!!! I swear upon Allah this is what i think!!!
Just out of interest, are you married? To do the above you would need a lot of patience, respect for others including not back-biting and to be a sort of 'peace-keeper' in the home.
You appear to hate this girl so much that it almost makes me feel sorry for the girl! You just can't expect everyone to agree with you and hate this girl with you, cos' we all have different views and we have heard just one side. Ok, so he is your cousin and you care for him - but you have taken on all their problems as your own.
m not married, but i am proud on ma brought up which ma mother gave, i know, not lot but a greaaaaaaaaat patience is needed! m mother brought up ma very flexible personality, i accept my neg points too :) BUT i know, how will i have to move in ma in-laws!
rest, i said before too, i do not expect the positive replies, because, yes, you all are reading just one side story, i just asked for the suggestion! regarding hate- i wont use such a word here because its on extreme feeling, but agar aisa feel hoa ap main se kisi ko, to....... i cant explain, but it hurts, when you see a relation ruining in front of your eyes, so closely :( yes i take him as ma very elder bro, i care about the whole family, after all, we share this blood relation! May Allah bless them.
Okay, so you are his cousin - actually I would have given you a little more leeway if you were his sister - but as his cousin you have absolutely no business worrying about what conditions he can divorce his wife under.
I suspect (and I may be wrong) that this was somewhat of a love marriage, and that the girl wasn't completely accepted by the family. As a result, she is probably going crazy trying to please everyone and keep her husband happy. She (perhaps rightly so), blames his family for the problems in her marriage, and is pushing for limited contact and a separate place in order to save her marriage.
She may be too emotional at this point to think straight, and is most likely young and fairly newly married. Once she has her own place and some breathing space she will likely drop the request for him to stay away from his family. By the way - who told you that she asked him to cut his family off - if it was his family I would take it with a huge grain of salt. The fact is that this girl is emotionally vulnerable and her husband wants to work things out.
You know far too much about this situation for your position in the family, and really just need to but out and mind your own business.
meera sounds to me like shehla on doraha drama. the scorned cuosin who secretly loved her older cousin and when she didn't get him she started interfereing in his marriage by picking at it ad doing chuglees so situatoiin can get more kharab and he get divorce so that she could hasil her cousin finally.
To WitchDr: not taking this girl in ma mind, but i swear i would prefer living in a joint family system, i would love to call my mother in law, as my mother, his siblings would be my siblings, so what if she scolds me, she IS my mother as she is my husbands mother. ye dil ki baat hoti hay, agar mujhay apnay husband se saccha piyar hoga to uske tamaam rishto se bhi automatically sachha piyar hoga!!!
main kabhi seperate house main nahin rehna chahun, ghar main buzrug hotay hain to sukun hota hay, jab ghar main jannat hi naa hoto ghar jahannum ban jata hay!!! I swear upon Allah this is what i think!!! this is what all my heart is!! even i know, ke zaroori nahin jesa main chahun sab kuch wesa wesa ho, kia pata main unhe maa samjhun par wo mujhay beti nahin.... for a mother its too difficult to give all his son to a new girl... ye aanay wali larki ko samajhna chahye... main kisi ki ghar jaaongi shadi hokay to MAIN unke rules manungi na kay unse ye xpct karungi ke wo sab mujh aik k liye change hon!!! i WILL have to follow their rules, not THEY will have to follow what i say!!!
and you said, "You definitely should not have access to information like she is good at seducing. No decent man will share such information with others"
So would you believe Witch Dr, it wasnt the man who shared such an information, but the girl herself!!!
she never gets stop!!!i prefered not sitting with her then!!!
OK. I am really sorry if I sounded unreasonable and/or harsh. I understand that you may have much more information than we have to come up to the conclusion that you have come up with. But at the end of the day, they are married and they should sort out their family matters themselves. I know one of my very close friend's wife devious tactics and acts she regularly used to do to make his husband go against his family. And then she enjoyed telling her acts and tactics to her friends. Even though he is one of my best friend, I never said a word against her to my friend because it is now their family issue.
What you written above is indeed something many decent men will love. I hope and pray that your partner cherishes you for the sacrifice you are willing to make for him.
i'm confused.in one of ur previous post u said the guy doesn't want to leave her k baichari ka kia ho ga n u told him he should think abt his betterment(something like that)Now u say main nahi chahti k un ka gher totay.
again one place u say he lives abroad n other place u said now he's here n they lived sepertely/ if they were living separate n still fighting wats the issue then?is it they r in their place but the guy is on phone with his family 5-6 hrs a day n meet them every other day n they coming to his place on daily basis.I think if the girl is insisting on total cut off either she is selfish n crazy or They all r driving her crazy with their unnecessary love.Definitely the couples not getting enuf space and the girl yearns for her husbands undisturbed company n devotion.
Now u r unmarried n unexperienced but they all share their internal affair with u.The girl told u she seduces her husband so wat.Aren't wifes suppose to do that?Ofcourse they r.
I wish u get the kind of susral u dream for but realities of life r very cruel sometimes.n life is not indian serials where achi bahu always win over everyones heart.Life after marriage is very different from a young girls fantasy world my dear.
one last thing all muslims believe in istikhaara but it should b done before marriage n not afterwards for divorce.No true alim will ever tell a maried couple that the istikhara says u r not good for each other so get a divorce.I'm getting a good picture of this very loving n caring susral discussing their sons personal life everywhere.
I will giv u a sincere advise to just leave them alone n pray for them.And if they do come to u for an advice tell them not to involve u or anyone but let the couple handle their own problem.
Are you sure you don't have any 'feelings' for this guy?
My husband's cousin wanted to marry my sister-in-laws husband and made their life hard by always interupting and phoning him all the time for advice etc. Drove my sister-in-law loony how she would always interfere.