That other post reminded me of a hidden rule I think is sort of lame… That one rule where there are two or more sisters, and the younger sister can’t marry before the older sister. When she does it’s like a gossipfest you’re having instead of a wedding.
I mean yeah I get the fact that it’s not exactly going to be that emotionally uplifting for the older sister, but in the long run if the older sister is having trouble getting married, it’s good because each wedding/marriage opens more contacts with people and maybe your sister will meet someone through your hubby and she can hook you up.
maybe it’s because i don’t have a sister to relate to this situation, but i think this hidden rule is lame…and more power to those who don’t succumb to this rule unnecessarily.
discuss.
EDIT: same with younger bros, or cousins, not nessarily linited to younger sisters.
So far my yonger bro and younger male cousins have joined hands with my mom to pray keh mujhe chaand si larkee mil jaey cuz their moms have blocked their marriages until I get married :D
i agree gulab jamun, society tends to talk badly about the older sister, even if she is engaged and still gets married after the younger 1, then ppl talk about the fiance aswell n say all sorts, ppl just need an excuse to gossip.....
a girl will get married wen its the right time for her why do people butt in so much??? God knows!
i agree gulab jamun, society tends to talk badly about the older sister, even if she is engaged and still gets married after the younger 1, then ppl talk about the fiance aswell n say all sorts, ppl just need an excuse to gossip.....
a girl will get married wen its the right time for her why do people butt in so much??? God knows!
Exactly! And why force them to get married just for the sake of getting married...
I have a friend who has the same issue. Her sister is 5 or 6 older then her and unmarried, so my friend is always saying how she's can't marry because of her sister. And the sister's getting older too, and she's anxious get the rishta process going for herself..but she's always saying how once it starts for her people will be like "oh she's too old now" ....
it's teh story of a lot of people's life....i think that in these cases the younger sibling should just find someone for themselves, cuz they are sort of being wronged.
Ive seen families who arent into the arranged marriage stuff, they dont care which one of their kids gets married first. And it's good that way.
My bro was engaged a lot before me and married a week before me.. noone had an issue. Everyone would instead say "ab tumhari baari hai..." and id inform them that i was actually older and couldnt careless.
Another relating issue is when parents don't want their older son to get married before a younger daughter cuz they want the son to help with the daughters wedding expenses or whatever other stupid reason.
^ I KNOW!!!!!!! so dumb. My older bro got married, and I am thankful for my SIL everyday. I don't what i'd do without her if my parents followed every one of these stupid rule. I learned so much, and she's helped me out a lot. People are so narrowminded sometimes.
The only way this vicious cycle can be broken is if one tries to break out of the mould. Educate our parents and families that this is no longer feasible and how for once a child's happiness is more important to what phupo's tayyah's long lost son's ex wife thinks.
Complaining does not work. The only way these ideas and 'rules' can be contested is if one is brave enough to actually want change to occur and make it occur.
oooh ppl...this is a very sore subject for me...very...
i would call it short-sightedness of our parents to do this to us...had 'his'parents taken the initaiative to ask my mom for my hand in marrigae with him...even though my elder sis was single...i am 100% sure...today my life as well as my elder sis life would have been marvelous....
i wish for a time machine everyday as i just cant get over it...:(
I think this desi behavior needs to be parsed, so that the context behind such actions can be judged appropriately.
If 2 siblings are just 1 year apart in age, then I dont think parents give the 'older first' rule a second thought. But if the age difference is significant, where the elder sister is 25, and her 18 year old brother comes up and says, hes in love and wants to get married, I think the 'older first' rule would, and should be applicable here. If we were totally oblivious of our culture, and wished to be westernized to the core, then noone would care. But if we want to adhere to our culture, we have to make an attempt to understand the cultural logic behind such decisions, as and when they are made by desi parents.
And if someone is vindictive or sad because they cant marry their 'love' because they have to wait for their older sibling to get hitched first, then you have other things to worry about than just a cultural tradition.
I really good desi friend of mine is a diplomat, always on her feet, jetting around the world here and there, mingling with world leaders…she’s my age coughthirty-somethingcough and she still isn’t married, nor does she want to get married YET as she’s too busy fulfilling her ambitions… her parents aren’t concerned either and they fully support her in her decision… but she had two younger sisters who had found their ‘partners’ whom they wished to marry… so as any parents with common sense would do, they got the two younger ones married… but the controversies that occurred/followed were unreal… there were so many rumours circulating…rumours that my friend was a lesbian , that she was barren, that she was this and that bla bla…
… such a stupid ‘unwritten rule’ especially in this case… if my friend’s parents took this rule seriously then the younger daughters would have had a heck of a long wait
^ yeh I have a friend who has three sisters. The oldest one is a doctor and is thirty- something but not married cuz she doesn't want to be. So the younger sister got married when she was 25 and now they are looking for a rishta for their youngest daughter that is now 25-26. But the oldest one definitely has nothing wrong with her.
I use this rule to my advantage. Especially with random desi aunties at weddings saying "oh it will be your turn next." I always say "No aunty, (name of cousin) or my brother have to get married first!".
, that she was barren, that she was this and that bla bla…