Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
yeah..ur moms right...its hard....
your momz golden rule is excellentRe: FOBs marrying ABCDs
Same happened to me. My husband came from Pakistan and I was born here in Canada. We had a totally arranged marriage - and it Alhamdolillah worked out well.
He is from an educated family and his English is very good. I also know some urdu but mostly we speak in English.
Of course he had problems finding a job in the beginning, and we both expected that. I encouraged him to do another MA here and he encouraged me to work and develop my career. Obviously as mfs555 said, it was no picnic, and it takes about 1-2 years to settle down. But it was all worth it and I have no regrets!
It is up to the couple to be flexible and open minded about each other and to trust one another and that does not depend on where you are born, but what is inside you and how you were brought up.
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
…it works! there’s an old gori in my bf neighbrohood (peshawar)…she’s married to a paki there:halo:
but maybe gori adjust more easily than ABCDs 
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
are you saying so just cause you don’t wanna be married to a guy from pak:D:halo:???
:k: 
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
I think it's possible for a marriage like that to work out. If the guy is born and bred American and he marries a young wife from Pakistan. She comes to America and can adapt pretty well. I think women are more flexible than men. We can sacrifice more or shape ourselves to new situations and new people. Desi women have always been expected to 'adapt' to new husband, new culture, new life after marriage. It may be a challenge for the husband as well if he feels like he's alway teaching her something new that he takes for granted.
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
me and ruiner are on the same page....good to know it worked well for you too girl!
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
If a an educated girl from West is bringing a metric failed paindu .. then how can u expect the marraige to work?
But if an educated girl is bringing an educated guy from a big city of Pakistan then there are 90% chances that marriage will work fine (10% chances for it to fail).
So make where if u are ABCD/TTDD/LMPD whatever then u bring one that can understand the society he is going to and eager or at least capable to learn the norms of it.
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
I totally agree with msf555 and Maddy.
It's easy for Pk women to come and adjust since they are raised to be submissive, passive, and accommodative etc. etc. No matter what they go through, they accept it and men r of course very happy to have sm1 like that. Girls raised here, don't take any crap from anyone. They believe in living on equal terms. Of course no relationship works without some give and take may it be parent-child or siblings or between friends. Besides, a lot of men (raised here or coming here for education/job) term the empowerment and independence of women as "shameful" or "unacceptable" or even unislamic. So of course they need a bibi from PK. Sorry if I have offended anyone, just expressing my views!
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
ABCD and Pakistani girl can live together for some time and experience each other and if it doesnt work out, look for some option.
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
I don’t think guys from pak are bad or anything, rahter its more of who I feel I’d get along better with and have more of an understanding with and I don’t think I could have that wiht someone who was born n raised in pakistan, i dont think i could get along with anybody from here 
I don’t want to move into an already-established home, have to constantly be on guard about the way I behave with my in-laws. I don’t thinK I could ever consider a place where I have to cover up all the time and adapt to someone else’s lifestyle, my own home; i’d feel like a guest, and who wants to feel like that? I dn’t think I could get along with many people here :halo: where the favorite hobby is backbiting, quietly smiling and nodding and taking every stupid comment that comes your way out of some respect for elders who don’t respect you one bit. And in the case i “import” a guy, i don’t want to deal with the headache of immigration and status and always be worried abt something or other. Plus it comes down to what Larki and Maddy said, the gender roles in West are different than in Pakistan.
N paris, ure different, ure a strait up Pakistani larki who jus happened to be born blonde n French 
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
I think it is more likely that you will have a succssful marriage between a FOB girland ABCD boy than between and ABCD girl and a FOB boy. But I suppose anything is possible.
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
wesh tu est savante???lol
anyway im still young and i have my own wicked rules:hoonh:
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
but if the girl comes to live abroad...usually her hubby is already settled, has a job, a place to stay (separate or with parents)...and the girl doesnt have to work (if she wants to) or go to school..her choice....thats my brothers and their wives....lucky girls....
That's true. That's the same story with my bro's and my wives.
My mother has the same view - that girls from Pakistan/India can adjust better to life in the west than men can.
Part of it is the gender positioning. Women are more empowered in the west and men less empowered. It makes it easier for women to fit in to the the west , because they gain ego, but men lose ego.
My mum takes it further - she has her Golden Rule of not marrying girls raised in the West to guys from Back Home.
I don't understand what you mean by this empowerment. I know a lot of families where girls raised in the west are married to men from India/Pakistan.
and the desi from pak will be shocked after coming in the west and seeing his partner his attitude his social life his way of living and da western born desi wil be shoked wid de pak desi attitud emeaning the way he/she are abit retarted they way they find evrything wrong in da western lifestyle and they way they have a problem with your lifestyle(guy from pak wouldnt want his wife to hang wid guys or work or stay out late or maybe even meet her female friends & da gal from pak wouldnt want her hubby anywher near females and not coming home kahin raton thak or da usual stuff)
From what I've seen, their places of upbringing don't have as much to do with their attitudes towards the issues that you've mentioned. I've seen people born and raised in the west having the attitudes you associated with people raised in Pakistan and vice versa. It has more to do with their actual method of upbringing.
From my experience, the best way to see how such a marriage will work involves;
1. Istikhaara
2. A mutual understanding of what one expects from the other about all these various issues. such as career/study plans, how you expect to support family etc.
These things should be clarified and agreed upon beforehand.
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
Heheh. I meant my wife and my bro’s wife.
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
Thats exactly what im thinking and thats what scares me....!
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
hmmmmmmmm
i guess we conluded that women can adjust better right???
obviously women always changes herself for everything husband in law etc..
desi guys are so bad in some cases!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
fob gals got too many nakhray. most of them cant cook, clean or even drive. just cuz their daddy can afford a maid at minimum wage back home... can be a real pain to put up with. anyone got any pointers on de-fobbing a spoiled fob pls share.
Re: FOBs marrying ABCDs
^
tell her to get off her lazy ass and get an f'ing job!