Re: First wife's permission
^^^ (Theorist)
Well, if you understood those ayahs as it is meant (or at least as what I can see in those ayahs), you would have had no problem or concern about them. For instance:
228.** Divorced women shall wait concerning themselves for three monthly periods. Nor is it lawful for them to hide what Allah Hath created in their wombs, if they have faith in Allah and the Last Day. And their husbands have the better right to take them back in that period, if they wish for reconciliation. And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them, according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them. And Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise. **
In above ayah, Allah has clearly told Muslims that wife have rights similar to rights husband have over them ... that are equitable. Even when it comes to reconciliation after divorce (first divorce), when ayah says that husband have better right to take them back, it can only happen if both wish it to happen, not one ... as quran says ... ‘if they (both) wish’ ... and not ‘if he (only husband) wish’.
Anyhow, men have ‘a degree over them’ (that is what I understand is your concern). But here you have to understand that this ‘degree of husband over wife’ has to be taken in sense that does not reduce rights of wife from equal position what rights husband have over them (else first part of ayah would get negated).
Hence when Allah says that husband have a degree over their wife, that is their right to divorce (husband can divorce without going to court, but to take divorce wife have to go to court). To make up with this degree of husband over wife, Allah has put all financial and many other responsibilities of wife over husband (financial responsibility of husband is right of wife)
Now coming to other ayah that may be of concern to you:
34.** Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all). **
In above ayah again, women are asked to be devoutly obedient and guard themselves in the absence of husband is because of same above reason, that is the responsibilities husband takes in marriage of providing protection (from any outside abuses and physical attacks) and maintenance (financial needs) of women.
Marriage in Islam is give and take relationship. Here is what both give and gets:
Men in marriage get (woman give):
1 ... Right to divorce without going to court ... that makes right of husband a degree above wife, as wife need to go to court for divorce
2 ... Obedience of wife
3 ... Respect from wife
4 ... Expectation that wife would guard themselves (from other men)
5 ... First right over kids
6 ... Ect
Wife in marriage get (husband give):
1 ... Right to divorce through court ... that is a degree below husband who has right to divorce without going to court ... Wife gets ‘mahr’ paid in compensation for her restricted right of divorce
2 ... Maintenance ... All her financial and physical needs, that is food (cooked), clothing (whatever necessary), shelter (independent from others), cost of health, and any other necessary needs is provided.
3 ... Respect from her husband
4 ... Protection ... husband becomes guard of wife honour and protects her from all outside abuses that could be physical, social, or mental.
5 ... All cost of looking after her kids
6 ... Ect
