First wife's permission

[Enigmatic]

Re: First wife’s permission

@Theorist

A woman doesn’t have to live with her husband all HER life? Why do you make it seem like that a woman is nothing more than a good pet? She could be in a loveless marriage too. She should be able to marry another man too and keep cooking for both of them. Why doesn’t the world care what a woman goes through? It’s ok for her to stay in a loveless marriage or ASK for khulla yet a man can just get another wife making the first one a prisoner in her own home. Great logic!

What if this happens to you, Enigmatic?

what if your husband one day marries another woman without even informing you of his intentions and just tells you it’s his religious right? Why does it all of a sudden make sense just because it’s “religiously” allowed?

The fact that polygamy is even permitted actually leads to more extra marital affairs. A man would never stop checking out a woman he’s interested in and would even take the initiative to get to know her because there’s a law that allows him to marry her and there are no serious consequences other than just some tanay idhar udhar. Could you really compare that to the emotions of a woman who now feels completely worthless?

This is unbelievable. logic really goes out the window when religion comes in the picture. People make all kinds of excuses for something that is so obviously IMMORAL!

Relaaaxxx @Theorist ! You are thinking on a complete opposite level. But at least am looking at your POV with a calm mind. Even I used to think exactly the same way a year or two back..and I believed that this ruling of Islam was very discriminating.

I just have a question: I say am an average non-religious person and I don’t drink alcohol or I don’t believe in being sexually active other than that one person whom I would marry or be in a long time relationship because I believe that:
-alcohol is detrimental to my health (no religious reasons here just pure medical knowledge of alcohol leading to serious liver diseases).
-i am afraid of getting STDs or unwanted pregnancies out of wedlock
But where I live drinking alcohol or being sexually active is allowed as per law. Just because I am *allowed *to drink would I do it?

When we marry someone we know that we can leave them if we want. Men have a right to divorce as well and women can ask for it too (in Islam) and legally either of them could divorce each other. Since it is allowed isn’t that unfair too? And since legally we have a free will over that too would you want to divorce your husband just for the sake of it being lawful?

So even if polygamy is permissible in Islam, it doesn’t mean every *sane *man would want to marry twice or thrice etc. And about you saying that a woman too should be allowed to be in a polygamous marriage. I think it’s ridiculous. For her it would mean double the responsiblity double the chance of getting through birth issues, double homes to look after and two people to please at the same time. How can she balance that now? And frankly can we imagine being intimate and in love with two people at the same time? For me it is unthinkable.

Men are allowed to marry only and only if they think they can balance equally b/w all his wives. Which ofcourse isn’t easy. Even Allah Himself has warned that:

And you will never be able to be equal [in feeling] between wives, even if you should strive [to do so]. So do not incline completely [toward one] and leave another hanging. **An***d if you amend [your affairs] and fear Allah **- then indeed, Allah is ever Forgiving and Merciful (4:129)

*and in this other verse which has already been mentioned it is said that IF you can’t do justice then marry only one wife. So if a person is remarrying without *any *valid reason, and not being equal with both wives..then he is actually sinning. We shouldn’t blame some men’s psychotic thinking and exploiting religion to their convenience to religion itself IMO.

And the reason I believe polygamy is permissible is:

Supposedly if a married man fears sinning or getting into an extra marital affair he should *openly *marry that woman and be responsible for *both *of them financially and legally as well as emotionally and physically. (and it really isn’t easy and in this way he’s accountable to two whole families)

Remember the thread in Life1 where this lady said that the guy is going to marry somebody else but would be living with her too. We all were appalled at the lack of that lady’s self esteem and self worth. Now if he had the balls and guts and if he follows Islam accurately then polygamy in this case could have helped that woman and prevented her from living in sin and would have given her future children a name, home and financial support etc.