First Wife's Permission

Society Religion & Philosophy
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I have heard numerous times from people that you do not need the first wife’s permission if you are to bring a new wife into the house (polygamy).

I’d like to bring this hadith to light that I never knew existed. Its a shame that people do not know of this:

Ali (R) was prevented from marrying a second wife by the Prophet himself, because Fatima (Ali’s first and only wife) was not comfortable with it.

**Hadith - Sahih Bukhari 7.157, Narrated Al Miswar bin Makhrama

I heard Allah’s Apostle who was on the pulpit, saying, “Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don’t give permission, and will not give permission unless 'Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me.”**

This only makes sense. Why would Islam, which asks a man to be absolutely nice and considerate of his wife, tell a man that he can marry another woman without his first wife’s permission.

If polygamy under Islam is defined as a family unit - i.e. the man and all of his wive’s living as one whole family unit - then why would the first wife be left out of a decision that affects her?

Its not just about emotions. For example, a man might wish to marry another woman when finances just do not allow it. Doesn’t a woman have the right to be consulted about the decision, so that she can point this out to her husband? Or perhaps does Islam really not care for a female’s feelings when it comes to marriage?

That is what advocates of polygamy against the permission of the first wife are leading me to believe. But I refuse to believe that. A woman’s feelings and security are important. If you screw with that, you screw with the family unit and the family’s security.

I was very happy when I found this hadith, but also disappointed that people are going around claiming that women have no say in this decision when they clearly do.

If the second wife’s permission is needed for the marriage, as the first wife’s permission was needed for her own marriage, then why is the wife’s permission not needed when her husband wishes to marry another woman?

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It never really occurred to me; I assumed that permission was needed, it's only the right, logical considerate thing to do. It's sad that people like that run around giving Islam and Muslims a bad name :(

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This is a very common understanding and knowledge among the scholars and those who are knowledgable that First wife's permission is mendatory for the second marriage.

Last person to answer this post wins!!!!
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Re: First Wife’s Permission

PCG, thank you for bringing up this hadith. I didn’t know it existed.

All this time, I’ve been aware of view that the man is not in need of obtaining permission from the first wife and here’s what I could find on it:

http://www.islamtoday.com/show_detail_section.cfm?q_id=374&main_cat_id=17

http://www.islamtoday.com/show_detail_section.cfm?q_id=375&main_cat_id=17

I’m gonna try and find out a bit more about it, insha’Allah.

Imran Khan v Ian Botham....Who was better?
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^
On the contrary, In Hanafi School of Thought, I was taught otherwise… I’ve read Shaikh Yousuf Ludhiyaanvi Shaheed:rehm: and his argument is that first wife’s permission is necessary.

Heyyy i am new on GS
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^ Now I gotta find a Hanafi friend to confirm what you said. :stuck_out_tongue:

Here’s what I could find according to the Hanafi madhab:

http://www.islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=9489

http://islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=8142

http://islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=5898

http://islam.tc/ask-imam/view.php?q=3399

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Here's the answer that I received.

[quote]
Question:

Assalamo alaykum, For many years now, I have read fatawa that state that the husband is not in need of obtaining permission from his first wife to get married the 2nd time or more. However, a sister mentioned the following hadith, which shows that Prophet Muhammad (SAW) did not have his daughter's husband to have more than one wife, as it would grieve her. Hadith - Sahih Bukhari 7.157, Narrated Al Miswar bin Makhrama I heard Allah's Apostle who was on the pulpit, saying, "Banu Hisham bin Al-Mughira have requested me to allow them to marry their daughter to Ali bin Abu Talib, but I don't give permission, and will not give permission unless 'Ali bin Abi Talib divorces my daughter in order to marry their daughter, because Fatima is a part of my body, and I hate what she hates to see, and what hurts her, hurts me." To me, this hadith shows that Prophet Muhammad's (SAW) daughter may not have been comfortable with her husband marrying the second time. Therefore, shouldn't the remainder of the Muslim women be allowed to excercise the same right, where they may not wish their husband to marry the second time? Please do explain this to me in detail, insha'Allah. Jazakumullahu khairan.

**Answered by: Sheikh Muhammad al-Qannâs

Professor at Imam University

There are three aspects to the answer:

  1. The Prophet (peace be upon him) prohibited `Ali from being married to his daughter and the daughter of Allah’s enemy, Abû Jahl, at the same time.

He said: “The daughter of Allah’s Messenger will not be together with the daughter of Allah’s enemy.” This is confirmation that two co-wives are of the same rank. It is not befitting that the daughter of Allah’s Messenger is of the same rank as the daughter of Allah’s enemy.

  1. It can be understood from the context of what happened that the Prophet (peace be upon him) had set a condition on `Alî not to marry another woman beside Fâtimah. We might deduce this from what the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) had said about his other son-in-law keeping his promise not to marry a second wife: “He spoke to me and he was truthful and promised me and fulfilled his promise.”

Ibn Hajr observes: The words “He spoke to me and he was truthful” could be that he made a promise on himself not to marry another woman beside Zaynab. And the same was done by Alî. Otherwise, it could be thatAlî had forgotten that condition and that’s why he proceeded with that engagement to the second woman. Or, that condition did not apply on him since he did not pronounce it. However he should nevertheless respect this condition and that is why the Prophet (peace be upon him) blamed him. [Fath al-Bârî 7/86].

Ibn al-Qayyim said: “If a man agrees to the condition that he will not marry a second wife, he is obliged by that condition if the man broke his promise the woman will be entitled to terminate the marriage contract. It is mentioned in the hadîth that what took place is hurting Fâtimah and therefore hurting him. It is known for sure that the Prophet (peace be upon him) let Alî marry his daughter Fâtimah on the condition that he does not hurt her or her father even if that is not mentioned in the marriage contract. The Prophet (peace be upon him) brought up mention of his other son-in-law to inciteAli to do the same.” [Zâd al-Ma`âd: 5/117-118].

The Prophet’s reproach of Ali was on account ofAlî’s forgetfulness of this condition.

  1. This is also some special treatment to Fâtimah, as she had no close relations after the death of her mother and sisters. She had no one to disclose her secrets and inner feelings to when she felt jealous. [Fath al-Bârî 86/7]** [/quote]
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This is also some special treatment to Fâtimah, as she had no close relations after the death of her mother and sisters. She had no one to disclose her secrets and inner feelings to when she felt jealous.

This seems a bit shady. On one hand, proponents of polygamy sans first wife's permission will say that the first wife has no right to feel jealous, since polygamy is a God-given right to a man.

But Fatima is allowed to feel jealous? And she was alone? She had her various second-moms, didn't she?

Please, every daughter is close to her father. Well most. And its not because their mom or sisters died.

That seems like a petty excuse.

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So this guy from Imam university is basically saying what I'm saying. I understood that also to be true that a woman can set in the condition of her nikkah that her husband will not marry a second wife, and such similar conditions.

And that the husband has to abide by it.

But even this assertion of mine is usually swept aside by those people who say you don't need the first wife's permission.

All this Imam guy is saying is that a woman's permission is needed, to the extent that she can nullify this God-given right in her nikkahnama if she so chooses.

But of course, I'm not surprised when so many people hesitate to say this assertion just point blank. It would mean women have a great deal of power in their marriage.

Which of course, these mullahs don't want.

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From what I could gather, if a woman wants to restrict her husband from plural marriages, then she should put it down on the nikkah paper/form. If the husband breaches it, then she has the right to ask for a divorse.

If such a term has not been stipulated at the time of nikkah (or on nikkah form), then the husband could get married again without requiring his wife's permission.

Yes, it is a bit shady. Hopefully if I get a chance, I'll try to get some clarification for myself, as this could be helpful in future.

^^^ My Friend ^^^
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^ It is shady. But do you know how many women out there do not know they can stipulate it in their nikkah? And do you know that people here even have told me that is nonsense?

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^ I think most women don't think that ther husbands will cheat or marry a second time so they don get the protection..

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Just because us women decide to be stupid and stay unaware of our rights is not something we can blame on others. Seriously, a lot of research, reading and negotiations are needed before getting married/signing the nikkah contract.

In addition, many women are unaware of the fact (I believe) that they have the right to divorce (not exactly khula alone) the husband. There is a box that on the nikkah form that allows women to either choose to right or let it go. Unfortunately, I heard in Pakistan, many don't even bother asking the women and check it off (for no) anyway.

----> TimePass
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Sadiyah: You are right what you depicted below .... that's exactly my understanding as well. BUT to be honest I dont think a person can be JUST and EQUAL with mulitple wives simultaneously and therefore one has to consider things logically and within the 'Context' .

"From what I could gather, if a woman wants to restrict her husband from plural marriages, then she should put it down on the nikkah paper/form. If the husband breaches it, then she has the right to ask for a divorse.

If such a term has not been stipulated at the time of nikkah (or on nikkah form), then the husband could get married again without requiring his wife's permission. "

i am sad =<
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yes and all that reading and negotiations skills have to be learned by the time you get your first period.

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^ :hehe:

True.

The nikkahnama has been developed over time. They didn’t have such checkboxes during the time of the Prophet. :o

Well, they kinda didn’t have much paper either…

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In addition, many women are unaware of the fact (I believe) that they have the right to divorce (not exactly khula alone) the husband. There is a box that on the nikkah form that allows women to either choose to right or let it go. Unfortunately, I heard in Pakistan, many don't even bother asking the women and check it off (for no) anyway.

Damn, so many options on a nikkah nama that I never knew.

I think I'm going to be the first bride that demands to see the nikkahnama ahead of time, and double read it during the ceremony to make sure they're not making me sign a different one with different clauses.

I think I'll keep a magnifying glass handy in my purse.

BTW, I had told my aunt about the options available on the nikkahnama - she was very very angry as she did not even get to read the damn paper before signing it.

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Although the paper for nikkah may have developed over time, but I'm sure the basics remain the same. Therefore, if a woman has a right at the time of nikkah to put it as a condition that she wants to reserve her right for divorce, then I'm sure saying it in front of witnesses (in the absense of paper nikkah form) would suffice. May Allah (SWT) forgive me if I'm wrong.

Besides, all brides-to-be should use their head and get all the minute details about the nikkah sorted out ahead of time, rather than letting the adult males in the family take charge of what should or should not be included on the nikkah form.

LOL... I feel bad for aunt. I would definitely read every single line both ahead of time and before signing/orally accepting the nikkah. No one should sign any type of contract without examining it thoroughly anyway.

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The woman cannot stipulate in her marriage contract that her husband will not be ALLOWED to marry another woman. She cannot deny the man his God given right. However she can put in the marriage contract that IF her husband chooses to marry another woman then he must give his first wife a divorce.

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Do they really say that the first wife has no right to FEEL jealous? Because there is a well known hadeeth which shows Aisha (ra) feeling jealous of someone (khadija?).