oh lahori don't act so naive. this thread is about sex. if your wife, on the first night of consummation even hints at her own pleasure, or knows what should be done, would you call her experienced and question her life before marraige and assume that she's done it before, or would you talk to her and see what she has to say before you say she's a whore and divorce her.
i never asked ya, did i?? but here it goes...
knowing about something and actually being good at something are two different things.. (i know about hockey, doesn't mean i'll be good at it esp when i never played b4)
you do know that in Pakistan in some arrange marriages, couple actually never met or talk to more than once. In some cases never..
When you are in arranged marriage & dont know the guy, u dont know how he'll react to something. This is a sensitive issue and if a guy wants to & the girl doesnt, it can create problems for the girl in future .........issues like, the girl is married against her marzi, she is rejecting the guy, maybe she is hiding some anatomical problem & what not.......
Its different from family to family but someone told me she went through it even though she didnt know the guy (married outside family) as your thinking changes after nikah & it had to happen sooner or later.
It give me goosebumps if i think of arrange marriage and first night .. :| .. .. how come on earth we can do it at first night .. :| .. ..
Maybe being a guy you can do your marzi, but being a girl & on top of not knowing the guy due to arranged marriage, its kinda tough to make that decision all your own
I am not for or against anything but i dont understand something Many years ago i dont think this understanding, getting to know the person etc was a big deal. why is it now? Back then the elders did the rishta, you were married, most met their partners n the wedding day, you did it, had kids & knowing your partner went along as life moved on
In some cases you may never truly know a person, as they say, so how long are you going to wait for it? forever? Just a few days or a week or two are enough for this?
I am not that kind a guy who love to impose my marzi on my partner. I respect her individuality .. .. when i say that it give me goosebumps, my reason is from both sides .. i.e. difficult for me .. obviously and difficult for her as well .. .. I wish i could talk all that with someone who has such experience .. :(
Marriage freaks me out for lots of reasons .. .. .. Arrange marriages freaks me out 'caz of "marriage lots of reasons" + sex on first night .. :| .. .. I am gona die bachelor .. :D ..
When you are in arranged marriage & dont know the guy, u dont know how he'll react to something. This is a sensitive issue and if a guy wants to & the girl doesnt, it can create problems for the girl in future .........issues like, the girl is married against her marzi, she is rejecting the guy, maybe she is hiding some anatomical problem & what not.......
Its different from family to family but someone told me she went through it even though she didnt know the guy (married outside family) as your thinking changes after nikah & it had to happen sooner or later.
Maybe being a guy you can do your marzi, but being a girl & on top of not knowing the guy due to arranged marriage, its kinda tough to make that decision all your own
I normally reply to such questions with a concept that earlier they didn’t have the OPTION to do that. Who knows that they wanted to know each other before marriage but due to society mentality they never let their desire on table .. .. however, now since things are bing changed gradually, parents understand and respect their children’s point of view .. .. so its kinda becoming a big deal to know each other before marriage.
One of my friend got engaged .. .. .. it is arranged. And they said yes to each other after 3 hours MSN CHAT. can you believe that? I often ask him, what made you say yes ..
plus most of the time who knows that all important suhaag raat might not even be at a hotel, my cousin's wedding night was at her in laws house in a small room that was decorated with roses but that can be so much pressure that you have to consummate on the first night and everybody in the house knows it.
ugh, i see it as a "getting to know each other much better than before" night
According to different Ahadeeths, a Dawat (valima) is "Sunnat" after the cuple have first inter-course. Normally, in our culture, valima is a day or 2 day after the wedding which make sex to be done before that.
***** I AM NOt SAYING ITS MUST** *** .. .. .. I am giving a pre-condition. That "WHENEVER" couple have sex, then its a **sunnat **to give a dawat (Valima). Doing a valima after another valima is kinda obvious why its givne.
There are different concepts/understandings on this concept, some may agree, some may not .. but according to my research. This is what I have understood from different ahadeeths and learned from diff ulma
what if a girl is active and knows her way around on the first time with her husband because we all have a certain amount of knowledge i guess? (she's a virgin)
you can never be an active and knowledgeable driver unless you've driven many times on those roads.
*
Oooh honey you are the first man in my life but let me show you how to do it right. *Sure.
its sex damn it, not flying the space shuttle, reading and watching errr "educational material" tells you more than enough to know what to do and how. you may not do it perfectly, but just because you have never done something before does not mean u cant do a decent job if u have seen schematic drawings etc
maybe some of us are just naturally good at this kinda stuff than others who may be slow learners :)
its sex damn it, not flying the space shuttle, reading and watching errr "educational material" tells you more than enough to know what to do and how. you may not do it perfectly, but just because you have never done something before does not mean u cant do a decent job if u have seen schematic drawings etc
maybe some of us are just naturally good at this kinda stuff than others who may be slow learners :)
Many years ago i dont think this understanding, getting to know the person etc was a big deal. why is it now? Back then the elders did the rishta, you were married, most met their partners n the wedding day, you did it, had kids & knowing your partner went along as life moved on
…marriage in itself freaks me out too for a lot of reasons + thanks to scary stories on GS