…what are some guidelines? And advice? I have my 3 boyz and yes they are all very young but you can never be over-prepared yeah? And I dont “know the ropes” here…so any and all advice would be appreciated!
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO3 
You’re like me who thinks 20 years ahead of time 
OK, so there are 2 possibilities. One, that they will find their own spouses which is perfectly in order if they make sensible and mature decisions.
And then there’s the other possibility where you will be “looking” for your child. In this case, you will need a fairly spread out social circle because most rishtas come via referals and recommendations. So you will tell people that your son is “ready” and that they should keep their eyes and ears open. Then you will go through a process of elimination and finally one day, boom, you will find the perfect bahu!
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
MO# - if you boys turn into a doctor, you can have one of my daughters
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
:DI'll re-open this thread in 20 yrs.
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
Me too :D but we can scope out GS kids and families in those 20 years
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
Absolutely. 
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
sorry for derailing your thread Mama.
Finding rishtay is tricky. You really have to sit down with your boys and ask what they are looking for. If they don't have someone in mind already - so can ask around.
I have been going to wedding a week since the summer began and the trend is that most of the kids are finding their match themselves.
I think with things like facebook, and cell phones now your friends freinds are also your friends so you have more options than ever.
There is also a possibility that they meet someone at school or at the uni
...what are some guidelines? And advice? I have my 3 boyz and yes they are all very young but you can never be over-prepared yeah? And I dont "know the ropes" here....so any and all advice would be appreciated!
Oh mashallah!! Saade rishtey hale nehi hoi tussi apne bachon ke rishtey karaare ho????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..................... HAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
just leave to the M.I.L, i reckon my kids rishtas were done soon after they were born...lol
seriously though, i think our kids will be finding their own soul mates....how exactly they do that within the boundaries of Islam i don't know...that's the part that worries me...
M03 the only thing you need to worry about at the moment is that your boys grow to be good people InshAllah, the rest will happen
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
Yes, I have been making sure that they know how to be gentlemen from before they could walk lol...
My concerns are kind of relating to ... well, their mom is a gori, will that count against them? I think it might. Also, eldest son with his learning delays, I think that will count against him also...and it may count against my other boys too just because theres a learning delay "in the family".
So what to do in this case and how to get people (potential rishtas) to meet them when the time comes?
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
MO3, just because your child has a learning delay at this time doesn't mean he cannot catch up and lead a normal life. And then, every child comes with their destiny and with parents like yourself, your kids are in great hands.
Now, all this rishta thing will come up considering your boys will be OK marrying desi girls. Let's say they are and in that case I can assure you, good educated families look for stable homes with values rather than if the mom is a gori. Trust me there are many desi ladies who don't spend so much energy raising their sons as much as you do and the kind of people you look to associate with should be above this gori issue.
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
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My concerns are kind of relating to ... well, their mom is a gori, will that count against them? I think it might.
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No I totally dont think so. There are a number of uncles in my community who have married "gori" ladies, as well as younger people of my generation marrying North American converts, and they are well integrated into the desi community with all the other aunties and their kids have no problem getting married. So dont worry about that. And if anyone does have a problem with it --then I think that tells you alot about them and you can safely cross them off your list!!!!
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
I think the rishta process will have changed dramatically by the time our kids are of marriageable age. Almost every wedding I have been to in the last couple of years has been semi-arranged - the kids met through friends, school, etc., and then found a way to "arrange" it.
...what are some guidelines? And advice? I have my 3 boyz and yes they are all very young but you can never be over-prepared yeah? And I dont "know the ropes" here....so any and all advice would be appreciated!
so cute. they are young mama dont stress. although i admit i go into one of these fantasies myself soemtimes.
I think the rishta process will have changed dramatically by the time our kids are of marriageable age. Almost every wedding I have been to in the last couple of years has been semi-arranged - the kids met through friends, school, etc., and then found a way to "arrange" it.
Me too, I don't think many kids in 20-odd yrs time will be going down the traditional arranged marriage route, prob like u've said goes on now, the majority will want to find themselves then get parents involved..
Mamaof3, having a 'gori' Mum should not matter one bit, many branches of my family have married 'out' and they have no problems at all attracting potential rishtas for their sons and daughters, ppl will check that the non-desi parent is practising but afterwards will be fine with it :)
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
:) Thank you for the replies!! lol...its been on my mind with many neices and nephews getting married lately!
So...how does it work when the time comes? Do the parents of the boy contact the parents of the girl or the other way around? And do you come right out and say "I'm looking for a rishta for my son?" I think the boy has to go meet the girls family first right? what happens next?
I dont know if my sons will want arrangements or not ... I hope they will at the very least allow us some say in their choice for a partner but if they want an arrangement, I want to be prepared and find great wives for them :)
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
ok, since we're on the subject anyway....lol I have a couple more questions...
What about weddings? Should I be saving up for them? And like how much? I'd like them to have nice weddings but in the west, its usually the bride's family that pays for the wedding. The grooms side gives them a honeymoon or money. Is it much the same for a desi wedding?
Re: finding rishtas for your kids
Mama, traditionally there are 3 days, the mehndi, wedding, and then the reception. Wedding day itself is a reception (mostly) which is paid by the bride's family. The reception (ie. valima) is paid by the guy's side. Mehndi cost is up to the families to decide, which usually ends up being a shared cost. There's no set rule for that.
Depending on aaj kal ki larkiyan, u might want to save up for that 12,000 $ dress that the bride MUST have. 