I am wondering for groupies could share their knowledge in this. Here is my story.
One of my daughter fell for someone in Karachi, as we found the guy is very nice, and decent person (we all like him), but worried about his ability to settle successfully outside Pakistan due to lack of professional qualification (he is just B.COM).
Not wanting to dictate anything to him, i gently encouraged him to work toward some sort of professional qualification, but he is not interested as he has no intention to work for anyone but to do his own business. Problem is though he belong to a decent family but does not have enough capital to setup his own business.
That already give me lot of headache and worry about my daughter’s future.
Now another one, her younger sister who is doing very well in her career, i am also looking around for her as well, when she was given responsibility of Pakistan i was quite happy as hoping that by frequently visiting Pakistan she would somehow meet someone. But she found most of that professional guys (at least in her environment) have lifestyle issue as they all drinks which is not acceptable to us.
Here is the situation,** most** (not all) of person with right values somehow does not have professional qualification suitable. And those who are professionally successful and competent has lifestyle issues.
I would like to hear what others has to says about it.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
your honay walay son in law should be capable enough to make a decent living be it in Pakistan or abroad. B.com degree does not get you a good job even in Pakistan. What does he have in his mind ? he wants to marry but how will he support his wife and children , have you ever asked him about his plans ? he should not be dependent upon you for capital. agar shaadi karnay kay khwahish rakhta hai to phir responsibilities uthanay ki himaat bhi honi chahye. My personal experience with people who rely upon others to fulfil their responsibilities including financial responsibility is bad , slowly they start taking everything for granted and they never take up their responsibility.
Money is not everything but you need money to survive atleast some money .
make a right & sensible choice don't rush into things.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
I agree with you, i have no intention becoming sugar daddy for anyone. as long as in Pakistan concern he has no problem, he is from a good family (not rich though).
What i see currently he is doing well in Pakistan as, there are people finance him on profit sharing base and he is earning around 100K per month.
But i am sure same business model would not work for him outside. I do not think he want to depend on me as he clearly told me that he only want to move when he has enough saving to support himself.
There is not debate among us that is really very nice person, the only problem is financial stability, which might take sometime and would not marry then until satisfy on this.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
Chances are, no qualification from Pakistan is going to be good enough to get anyone a job overseas in the respective capacity. No matter what, a person qualified from Pakistan, or even most other countries, will need to get some sort of additional qualification/certification in order to get a job in their respective field. Pak qualified doctors need local license in order to practice in another country. I guess my point is, dont go hard on anybody just because they 'only' have a B.Com. If a person is hardworking, he can easily find his way into a good working environment.
On a side note, are you expecting your sons-in-law to move abroad? or would you be ok with your daughters settling in Pakistan?
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
Chances are, no qualification from Pakistan is going to be good enough to get anyone a job overseas in the respective capacity. No matter what, a person qualified from Pakistan, or even most other countries, will need to get some sort of additional qualification/certification in order to get a job in their respective field. Pak qualified doctors need local license in order to practice in another country. I guess my point is, dont go hard on anybody just because they 'only' have a B.Com. If a person is hardworking, he can easily find his way into a good working environment.
On a side note, are you expecting your sons-in-law to move abroad? or would you be ok with your daughters settling in Pakistan?
I agree with you that i should not be hard on him because of just B. Com, i am sure he is good boy and will able to make decent living.
Actually i am not insisting him to move outside, but it is their plan as well. mainly because of citizenship issue of children as well as security situation in Pakistan. In fact my this daughter also moved to Pakistan and she got a first test of life in Pakistan at a privet university in Karachi.
It is so scary that when in trouble there is no law or justice system could protect you. Anyway after that indecent she decided to leave Pakistan.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
tipu, without ridiculing the importance of pro education, I must say some people are just business minded.
They really dont need degree to excel in the career they want to pursue. Guy is already educated enough to carry himself among people. If family is good, guy is decent and the one your daughter likes to be with and he can make enough money to support your daughter, I think you should not worry to much. If I were you, I'd have approved my daughter's choice with all the above mentioned conditions.
Now one thing i'd stress more than anything else, PLEASE do your due diligence. As you are not in Pakistan, give someone task to find out about guy and family as much as they can dont take it on the face value.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
I don't agree with D6C's comment.
The guy doesn't have capital to start his own business. Sure he is business minded and all... but if he doesn't have enough money to set up his own business he should consider working for someone else for few years.. saving and then starting his own business. Now when this whole working comes in... he'll be looking for a job to at least support his family and save up for his business.. Is B.Com enough to land him a job outside Pakistan? I don't think so.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
You have every right to disagree but how many millionaires (or billionaires) you want me to name here who started their career with little or absolutely NO money. Tell you what, family dynamics in Pakistan are even more accommodating to such ventures.
I don't agree with D6C's comment.
The guy doesn't have capital to start his own business. Sure he is business minded and all... but if he doesn't have enough money to set up his own business he should consider working for someone else for few years.. saving and then starting his own business. Now when this whole working comes in... he'll be looking for a job to at least support his family and save up for his business.. Is B.Com enough to land him a job outside Pakistan? I don't think so.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
I think you have every right as a parent to be worried. It can be seen that the 'majority' of the world works on the idea that more education=more money. There may be a few who are able to come from nothing and become something.
But he seems like a sensible guy. He may not want to do a professional qualification BUT he has said he would only move here if he was able to support himself and his family financially. Surely this is a sign that he does not expect you to be his 'sugar daddy'.
If he has a strong work ethic inshallah he will be successful! i was going to say don't worry BUT as a parent i dont think that would be possible for you.
In terms of guys from 'the west' i feel that the people (some) i, and i see your younger daughter, have seen aren't good people morally. they may have the latest mobile phones, flash cars and big houses BUT they do't have morals. This is something that is very important in my life as it would be in others.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
tipu, without ridiculing the importance of pro education, I must say some people are just business minded.
They really dont need degree to excel in the career they want to pursue. Guy is already educated enough to carry himself among people. If family is good, guy is decent and the one your daughter likes to be with and he can make enough money to support your daughter, I think you should not worry to much. If I were you, I'd have approved my daughter's choice with all the above mentioned conditions.
Now one thing i'd stress more than anything else, PLEASE do your due diligence. As you are not in Pakistan, give someone task to find out about guy and family as much as they can dont take it on the face value.
Khuda sub ki batioon ko khush rakhey....
emm, a valid point. but i want to add few comments ..
business community in pakistan and in abroad is quiet different. there are thousands of business men in pakistan who are not even 10 classes pass but they are millionaire there. because of the culture and the way things work in pakistan, those things don't work abroad.
even if a person is business minded, he should have some experience before starting the bsuiness (thinking that this guy is going to be abroad) he can't go their without an experience. and if he wants some experience - he need at least something in hands to show off ..
on separate note to Tipu: make sure that the guy only purpose is not to get married to go abroad :) u know what i mean
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
Tipusultan,
Would you like to tell which private university of Karachi is your daughter attending?
Iqra University in Karachi, but she is no longer there. It all started when a male teaching staff started paying her too much "attention", which she didn't appreciated. Anyway he got the message didn't bother anymore, till the end semester she discovered that he has been marking her absent on many classes thus making her ineligible to sit the exams.
At she tried to challenge this was told there is not point as university would only support teaching staff. Although she accepted that result decided to retake that paper some other time.
Next thing come when she was visiting us during school holidays, there were some indecent (involving one of her classmate) happened again DC consisting this same person decided to expel her from university (although she was not even in Pakistan during whole incident).
After our protest they agree to restore her provided she confess and apologizes for crime she didn't committed.
The sad part of this, that we know the vice chancellor through a common friend, and yet the the friends advice '** When you are living in Pakistan forget about dignity and self respect, just apologizes and move on**" .
Although she was reinstated but we decided enough is enough and she never stepped into that university again.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
You have every right to disagree but how many millionaires (or billionaires) you want me to name here who started their career with little or absolutely NO money. Tell you what, family dynamics in Pakistan are even more accommodating to such ventures.
I am sure that however many there are that you can name, they are significantly less than people who started with a lot, little or absolutely no money and got nowhere.
just a counterpoint to think about.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
tipusultan, having a B.Com degree isn't "just" a degree or piece of paper that has no value in today's market. He can work in various fields such as Accounting, Finance, Human Resource management, marketing or Insurance... and also you should give credit where it's due and stop dictating him what to do, if not then simply tell your daughter to look for rishtas within the vicinity.. Secondly, how do you know he will not be successful outside of Pakistan? If he wants to have his own business, then good for him, he must be driven enough to have such idea. Speaking of capital, well even a westerner has to start from below and take it all the way up there. He seems like a nice guy that's why he said he will only move when he has enough money to stand on his feet, thus I wouldn't worry about it much.
Re: finding a good and compatible Rishta from Pakistan....
tipusultan, having a B.Com degree isn't "just" a degree or piece of paper that has no value in today's market. He can work in various fields such as Accounting, Finance, Human Resource management, marketing or Insurance..
B.com is really just a degree.....the maximum a Bcom can earn in pakistan nowadays.....that is after 5-10 years experience in job is 30-35k........start is around 12k......so you can't say only B.com can get him higher.....he will need some higher degrees