Re: Financial Issues
You should ask him to give you a monthly allowance and explain that since you don't work and don't have your own money..you need pocket money. Waise what is his reaction when you say you want to buy a certain thing for yourself?
libranrulz He himselves is not a very good spender. I mean all the branded clothes n shopping only from sales. U can say he is not so much fond of shopping.
Hareem Hahaha.......I dont think i can steal money from his wallet. :)
Punjabi rose thts wht my mother says to me...He spends openly on groceries and stuff so sabar kero..tumhein bhi dene lage ga aik Din .
I will talk to him once again openly.
Re: Financial Issues
What's wrong with shopping off sales? Are you talking about buying things at regular price? Why would you do that?
Not sure how it works in Saudi, honestly, but here, I buy ONLY off a sales rack. The more the markdown, the better.
But clothes and shoes are a necessity for you, and need to be as much of a necessity as groceries. Come up with an annual budget, and tell him you need X amount of money for some basic clothes unless he wants you wearing phati-hui underwear and 10-year old sweat-stained bras to bed, he better change his ways.
He can't even buy her an abaya? You can get cheap abayas in the market for peanuts. He can afford that if he's working for a bloody oil company.
Re: Financial Issues
Here is what I'd do. If you are in need of things (not, I have 10 abayas, and I want an 11th one, but I have 10 torn and stained abayas and I'd like a clean one), make a list of all those things that you need.
Then hand him the list, and tell him that next time you're in the market with him, these are things you need to look for.
If he protests. You look at him, and say, ok, well, I guess you don't NEED me to cook your meals...you can just cook them yourself. You don't NEED me to have sex with you, as you have your hand. You don't NEED to have any more kids, as you already have some. You don't NEED this jahez, so we can give it all back to my mom.
Then see what he says.
Re: Financial Issues
We dont have a joint account, but my wife has a credit card and a debit card and she spends at will. I have never asked her about spending, but, once she did ask me (suggested by my mom) that i shud give her some money each month, which to me sounded very strange, that you have access to all my money why would you want a fraction of it. I did not agree to it and since then we havent discussed it.
Re: Financial Issues
Iconoclast: You should give her a small sum of money per month. That way you ensure she doesn't overspend on your credit card, and it budgets how much she spends. She can use rollover dollars, like rollover minutes. If she gets 100/mo, and she only used 50 this month, she can save the 50 for the next month, and maybe get you a new hat, because that pagri in your icon is really ridiculous.
Re: Financial Issues
^ 
It should be one or the other…khulla kharcha or allowance…cz wats the point of a set allowance if she has khulla kharcha?
Re: Financial Issues
Well that's what I'm saying. A set allowance budgets her and over time, she will spend less. When you set the budget, just guestimate how much she already spends on average per month, and lock her in on it. That way, no splurges.
Re: Financial Issues
^ some women do not need a "set budget" and already have enough akal and conscious not to go overboard with the spending.
If their husbands (like iconoclast) are willing to give them "khula kharcha" and do not care how much they spend via credit card and debit card... that obviously means that he has no complaints and does not care where she spends her money. So why the need for an "allowance" then?
Women like the OP should definietly have an allowance because that is better than nothing. But women that already have the khula karcha (ak... credit cards..debit cards) don't need to downgrade to an allowance.
And yes - i find it as a downgrade...The allowance thing is weird to me.... i mean.. whatever happened to "whats mine is yours" in a marriage? And trust? I associate allowances with little kids who are given it to spend on whatever they would like but also threatened that it can be suspended or taken away if they misbehave.
Re: Financial Issues
Talk to him properly and explain how you truly feel, why this is important to you etc. That is the only way he will begin to understand. Be patient and hopefully all will fall into place:hugz: I think it is hard for him to comprehend why you want to buy things etc especially when he is not a big spender on stuff for himself as well.
Re: Financial Issues
Then don't call it "allowance". Call it a budget, gift money, whatever. The husband should have a similar restriction on personal items as well. Any household expense goes into a different bracket. It's all budgeting, not degrading anybody.
^ some women do not need a "set budget" and already have enough akal and conscious not to go overboard with the spending.
If their husbands (like iconoclast) are willing to give them "khula kharcha" and do not care how much they spend via credit card and debit card... that obviously means that he has no complaints and does not care where she spends her money. So why the need for an "allowance" then?
Women like the OP should definietly have an allowance because that is better than nothing. But women that already have the khula karcha (ak... credit cards..debit cards) don't need to downgrade to an allowance.
And yes - i find it as a downgrade...The allowance thing is weird to me.... i mean.. whatever happened to "whats mine is yours" in a marriage? And trust? I associate allowances with little kids who are given it to spend on whatever they would like but also threatened that it can be suspended or taken away if they misbehave.
agree! I can't imagine being restriced to only a certain amount. I am not an over spender but I would hate it If I was giving a certain amount versus oh yeh lo.. mehenay ka quota pura..
Re: Financial Issues
"Allowance" or "budget" if you want to call it....doesnt mean its downgrading or treating the wife like a kid.
If the dude is going to want his wife to stay home and promises that he will provide EVERYTHING for her (like some of our shezadas here do), he should also at least give her play money. Its only fair naa. ;)
PCG you’re so funny 
"Allowance" or "budget" if you want to call it....doesnt mean its downgrading or treating the wife like a kid.
If the dude is going to want his wife to stay home and promises that he will provide EVERYTHING for her (like some of our shezadas here do), he should also at least give her play money. Its only fair naa. ;)
I totally agree with you Sara!! I'm only talking about women who have given complete access to credit cards and debit cards ...and are never questioned once about what they spend their money on, etc. If that isn't play money what is it?? I just dont think a man who gives his wife this... should ever have to feel like he has to take it away for "budgeting" reasons and then just give her a monthly amount.
I just look at my parents... my mom has credit cards and debit cards and probably knows more about the finances than my dad does. He trusts her more than anyone in the world...she doesn't ever feel guilty spending "his" money and swiping those cards. At the same time, my dad trusts her because she buys things accordingly and has never gone overboard. She can go out and buy whatever she wants for herself, the house, her kids, etc. Its just been a non-issue at our house.
But obviously women who are not given credit cards and debit cards... they should totally be given money every month for play. It's only fair when these men say that they will "provide" for them. The wife's personal expenses are included in the "providing"
Re: Financial Issues
This just reminded me....I had both allowance and khulla kharcha from my parents. i could just come and take out cash from my dads wallet with no problem. (cash...no debit/credit cards in those days). Ah the good ol' days :@:
Eh - I still don’t buy the monthly thing as opposed to a man giving a wife full freedom to do karchi. (please not that I do think that a monthly thing is better than nothing tho). I’ll use your own sales rack example. What if a woman happens to come across a lot of wonderful things she wants to buy and they are at a wonderful reduced price??? But buying all of those things at once will put her over the “monthly budget/gift/money/whatever”??? Then what. 
The wives that I know that do go overboard… are the ones that can afford to go overboard. We as outsiders just think it is ridiculous and judge. But I doubt there is a woman out there who is just going to bankrupt her husband based on her karchi. As I said..most women have enough common sense to budget and save without being told to do it. It’s the well being of their home as well isn’t it?
And nothing is wrong with a splurge once in a while either… for the husband or the wife. For the husband it might be that new 60’’ flat screen plasma and for the wife it might be a new designer handbag .
This just reminded me....I had both allowance and khulla kharcha from my parents. i could just come and take out cash from my dads wallet with no problem. (cash...no debit/credit cards in those days). Ah the good ol' days :@:
Lol awe! Gotta luv parents! :D
Iconoclast: You should give her a small sum of money per month. That way you ensure she doesn't overspend on your credit card, and it budgets how much she spends. She can use rollover dollars, like rollover minutes. If she gets 100/mo, and she only used 50 this month, she can save the 50 for the next month, and maybe get you a new hat, because that pagri in your icon is really ridiculous.
This pagri is better than memopni topi.
My wife knows how much to spend, i trust her.
Re: Financial Issues
Cosmic
Why dont you try to work from home? I know a lot of women who have families and work from home. My sister is one of them. She has a 3 year old daughter and she works as a CSR for a company in Boston. Its not amazing money but she is able to do little things for herself like salon trips, shopping, etc. My BIL has never questioned or stopped her from spending on anything. She does this on her own so they can save more of his income for their future goals.
Works for her, might work for you too.
Other then that, you need to speak to him and get your point across.