Hello!
Am New to this GS forum. Joined few days back. I hope i can Join U all.
I live in Saudia and Am a stay at home Mother. I have 1 gorgeous baby boy aged 17 months. My husband earns good enough AH but my issue is tht He is not willing to spend it on me. I mean he is more than happy when it comes for spending on our son or at groceries or rents etc etc. He sends a good amount of money Back in Pakistan and even after tht we have lots of savings.Plz dont think Am bragging abt money or all tht.
He gives me very little money to spend on myselves. I have discussed it with him lots of time and he just listens patiently and tries to convince me tht we must do savings and bla bla bla.
And if i say him tht i want to work( Even if as a school teacher) he says who will take care of Our son? Btw am an electrical engineer and my marriage was totally arranged.
So wht do u think am i being ungrateful for all the rest of the blessings i have or i am rite?
A very confused Wife
Pyaricgudia am talking abt everything. Excluding the groceries. From parlor expenses to shoes, clothes makeup, bags, And in Saudia Gown(Abaya) thing too.
Not that I wanted to be that way but I just did not realize that till lets say hmmmmm ... around 3rd year of our marriage. First 2 years were like dream years anyways. Kinda like ... you put hand on thing and I'll buy it for you.
Although my wife selected to stay home in early days but I used to think that I"LL BUY YOU EVERYTHING, JUST ASK FOR IT. She made me realize that in addition to all necessities of life, she need to have pocket money at her own discretion specially when she has opted to stay home. As time passed by, I realized that she has a greats self-respect (not ego). I made up for my mistakes....
I think this thing takes time. Trust me on this. My husband likes to save for rainy days while I love to spend. He is just raised like that. Its completely changing someone's spending habit.
I've slowly changed my husband's habit somewhat. Trying dressing up nice for him, he'll realize that it all take effort and money too. Slowly tell him how you like spending on certain things, on yourself etc.
Decent6chopra how do i make him realize that food and shelter r not the Only necessity. I mean every woman loves to have some nice shoes and bags and other stuff. When i complaint to my mother she says" Sabar kero Beta" I will give U money when u come to Pak but she does not realizes tht its not her money i Want. I want my hubby's money. Seriously if he was not earning good enough i would have never complaint.
Decent6chopra how do i make him realize that food and shelter r not the Only necessity. I mean every woman loves to have some nice shoes and bags and other stuff. When i complaint to my mother she says" Sabar kero Beta" I will give U money when u come to Pak but she does not realizes tht its not her money i Want. I want my hubby's money. Seriously if he was not earning good enough i would have never complaint.
I think my situation was a bit different. I was getting cloths, shoes, make, jewlery and what not but I was talking for money for WHATEVER.
Even if husband buys all this stuff, he should STILL give some money to wife (more important if wife is a stay-home) and that should be HER MONEY. No questions asked even if she throws that money down the drain.
I think my situation was a bit different. I was getting cloths, shoes, make, jewlery and what not but I was talking for money for WHATEVER.
Even if husband buys all this stuff, he should STILL give some money to wife (more important if wife is a stay-home) and that should be HER MONEY. No questions asked even if she throws that money down the drain.
I agree with this but what if they have joint account. I have it. I never ask for money or my husband never GIVES me money. I just spend. I don't understand how in this situation a husband has to give money in hand.
Well you've already tried talking to him, so wait it out a while...keep your eyes open for any job opportunities, especially in your field (maybe a part time job), and try talking to him again after a while. iA he'll come around.
I agree with this but what if they have joint account. I have it. I never ask for money or my husband never GIVES me money. I just spend. I don't understand how in this situation a husband has to give money in hand.
Thats what we ended up doing. A joint account. By giving i did not mean I used to actually GIVE it to her :)
calm down... have you lived there? probably not. I have. and the reason why I said that is because I would have given her the same suggestions as you except that I spent part of my childhood there and I know how difficult it will be for her to implement your suggestions.
if she lived elsewhere, she might be able to get a job somewhere and have her own money to spend though of course, her husband should be giving her money in the first place. but since that isn't happening, an alternative would be to get a job somewhere as you said. but living there it will be tough/impossible for her to do that. there are (or at least were) a few Pakistani schools there and depending on which city she's living on she might be able to get a job there. but she's gonna need a major miracle if she's going to find a job in her field there. there's the full explanation.
Samb when i was engaged to him he lived in US. And than got job in Oil company and came here. I have been in saudia for more than 2 years And U r rite. My Husband is with me whenever i Go out. I mean mostly women here do not travel alone. And u cant drive here. So having Joint account is out of question. He will Say u do not go alone anywhere. So y the hell do u need a joint account?.
hey CB, i kno things can get tough like that. I have lived in Jeddah for a major part of my life so I understand how things are there.
TBH with you even if he gives you money you're pretty much bound to spend it with him since you can not go out alone and can't go shopping without him. I think you should just sit down with him and when he is budgeting for the month just try to ask him that ok you did not include this and this we might be able to cut down a bit and we might be spending more on that and make feel him that you are not just adding expenses but making a better budget that addresses both your needs in a better way.
Let him know that you're not asking for something ridiculously out of the line but just basic things that you need. Also, try to get him involved in this as well. You did not mention about his spending habits on himself. If he spends on himself and not you then you can tell him that just because you stay at home doesn't mean that you don't want better things. If he doesn't spend much on himself then get him involved that since he works outside he needs to dress better and get a few things for yourself too when you are buying him stuff.
Samb when i was engaged to him he lived in US. And than got job in Oil company and came here. I have been in saudia for more than 2 years And U r rite. My Husband is with me whenever i Go out. I mean mostly women here do not travel alone. And u cant drive here. So having Joint account is out of question. He will Say u do not go alone anywhere. So y the hell do u need a joint account?.
I wonder if one is allowed to steal money from the husband in this situation?
Samb when i was engaged to him he lived in US. And than got job in Oil company and came here. I have been in saudia for more than 2 years And U r rite.** My Husband is with me whenever i Go out**. I mean mostly women here do not travel alone. And u cant drive here. So having Joint account is out of question. He will Say u do not go alone anywhere. So y the hell do u need a joint account?.
.. so does he refuse to pay whenever u wanna buy something with him?
Ideally you should both be on the same page. I know some guys give their wives khulla kharcha and htey take full advantage of it. But if you know the guy wouldn't like you spending on non-necessities, then....communicate?
i think its a blessing if the dude happily (well without complaining) pays for the necessities (food, shelter, kids'). There are some guys who get angry and irritated at even that.
Yea ... i have heard sad stories about guys that give wives a "grocery allowance" and they are always stressed out that that isn't enough to cover everything. So that is good that he happily spends on this... good sign.
But your situation is sad :( So yea - forget the joint account in your case but when you go out and about with him- do you let him know that you are interested in buying something?? Do you point certain things out and ask him if you can get it? Mabey the next time you guys go out, do this and if he says no, also point out the fact that you havn't bought anything for yourself in a very long time and that you would REALLY like something nice. Or say you need a particular shoe because nothing matches a particular outfit. Same with handbag. etc. Guys are sometimes totally clueless about this kinda stuff until you point it out. Mabey he never had a sister growing up and just honestly had no idea about fashions changing and buying shoes and matching handbags ... cosmetics etc. ???