If you want to talk about give and take and equality, remember the woman bears the physical burden of siring children and child rearing in the early years, usually. Even if you minus out the child-rearing (ex. women who work a lot and husband tends to be more at home with the kids - classic where wife is a working professional and husband is a software guy who can work from home, it happens), she is still dealing with child labor and the risk of her life.
Death with childbirth still actually happens. Not to mention post-partum depression, changes to a woman's body, her confidence in her body, etc etc. It really is a huge saccrifice.
What does a guy to do balance that? He provides.
I am all about a team effort but that works for some couples and for others it does not. There are couples such as described above where there is give and take in both finances and household chores. Then there are couples where you see the guy is a complete idiotic businessman and squanders the wife's savings/inheritance on business schemes that go nowhere, landing the family in more trouble.
So it really depends on the guy you're married to. What his financial expectations are of you. And what he's willing to give in return. And what other rishta offers you have on the table, honestly. For some women, it does come to - marry the guy that WILL take some of your money or be alone for the rest of your life.
Whatever. To each his own, I hope no woman has to endure any suffering beyond what is tolerable in a marriage, and may God make men understand that they have a duty to their wifes to at least compensate them for the ripping apart of their organs to birth their children. Would make common sense at least.
This is coming from personal experience and I am warning you girls...
All of my friends who chip in half in their marriage life are under severe stress. Once they started contributing, they were expected to chip in. Husband gave my friend's credit card to his family to do shopping with.
One of my friends husband is highly educated and makes really awesome money but he still uses his wife's low income to pay bills.
I don't mean to scare you because there is nothing wrong with helping your husband in need but eventually it will turn into a habit.
Women needs protection and financial security for her future generation, what is the point of marriage then? Why would someone marry a kangla who has his eyes on his wife's income? Does it mean that you are dividing wifely duties too with your husband?
The guy I am getting married to will support me financially even though I am making a high income... Smart girls should always secure their future. You should be always prepared for unexpected. I am not in the support of women getting older sooner...
Also I think it depends on how much money you make as a woman. Different scenarios lead to different social perspectives:
woman makes 15,000 doing some part-time day job without benefits --> husband takes her money may seem mean if he's making 200K. But the guy that is also doing 15K, maybe he might not be in the wrong to ask her to contribute.
woman makes 300K being a heart specialist --> her husband is making 75K and works with computers. Would seem super selfish to put the whole burden of expenses on the husband. Now if her husband is a neurosurgeon and makes 800K...well then I don't even know what the morals there would be!
This is coming from personal experience and I am warning you girls...
All of my friends who chip in half in their marriage life are under severe stress. Once they started contributing, they were expected to chip in. Husband gave my friend's credit card to his family to do shopping with.
One of my friends husband is highly educated and makes really awesome money but he still uses his wife's low income to pay bills.
I don't mean to scare you because there is nothing wrong with helping your husband in need but eventually it will turn into a habit.
Women needs protection and financial security for her future generation, what is the point of marriage then? Why would someone marry a kangla who has his eyes on his wife's income? Does it mean that you are dividing wifely duties too with your husband?
The guy I am getting married to will support me financially even though I am making a high income... Smart girls should always secure their future. You should be always prepared for unexpected. I am not in the support of women getting older sooner...
Some of us don't have much other choice.
I think it's important to put your foot down in a situation where, for ex, you don't want to work anymore and be with your kids. You want to quit your job, then discuss it with him, and quit. Don't get suckered into "honey keep working so we can have a nice fat income to carry the expenses". Sorry, whatever. He needs to carry the load on his shoulder, period.
Women who wants to be under financial stress then be ready to get older sooner physically! There is a reason Allah wants us to fulfill household duties and look good for our husbands... I am really against those men who think women MUST contribute.
^oh boy...... BB, Let's keep the looks aspect out of it. It'll start the...."But I work and raise kids and people think I look like I'm in my twenties"....."I know some women who are housewives and have put on so much weight and look frumpy".....debate.
I don't see anything wrong in wives contributing to the household. Of course, cases where the husband makes loads and is still misusing wife's money is a different scenario. But normally....why not contribute if you can? To live a life of even semi luxury, dual wage is important these days.
I've been married over a year now....didn't work for the first 15 or so months and that was fine with the husband. But I've started working now and it's extra cash that's coming in which is never a bad thing. Most of my money is pure savings, and helps with the kinda lifestyle we want to lead - travel, eating out a lot, etc.
And I don't understand my money and his money anyway. It's OUR money which helps build OUR home and OUR lifestyle.
It really depends on what type of person you marry... I think wives should encourage their husbands to become more successful in a nice way and be their motivation. I would hate to take the financial headache on my head. I have seen my friends and their horrible conditions even the husband lived in luxury. I really feel sorry for them... These women are contributing unwillingly and their marriages aren't great either...
Of all the Islamic rulings about a husband-wife relationship, rights and responsibilities, the only one remembered by women is holding the men responsible for the finances. Sweet.
Helping him out because he needs it...I understand. You contributing to finances out of your own will/desire...I understand. You being pressured/required to contribute financially when there isn't a pressing need and for things that are his responsibility....does not sit well with me. So, my stance is along the same lines as Reha....and I also agree with Xtron....as well Bombshellbabe's point about men being khuddar.
If Allah Himself has not made it farz upon the wife to work......then seriously who the hell are we to call a woman selfish for not doing so?
Selfish, in my opinion, is a woman who doesn't fulfill her responsibilities in the marriage and wants to sit on her butt doing squat. Selfish, in my opinion, is a woman who refuses to help her husband when there's a pressing need. I don't understand why it's being assumed that OP treats her husband like an ATM-machine or that she's selfish...when her post has not provided us with details that would indisputably lead to such a conclusion. Now, if her other threads do provide missing details, I have not read them. But I'm amazed at some of the attitudes here.
Sorry RV, I don't agree with your post. For me a woman is selfish if she can't share her money with her husband and children. Husbands are not ATM machines that we will them 24/7 and construct an empire with my money that can't be shared with the family.
Well Allah has asked a lot of things from both men and women and everyday we let go of those commandments, so why make Allah an excuse when it comes to women sharing her money.
Yes, take care of your money if your husband your husband is taking disadvantage of you and your money. If you have khuddar husband, then become a khuddar person yourself too. Sorry if I come across too harsh. But that is just my two cents.
It doesn't make a wife non-khudar or selfish if she is using his husband's money. she is given this right and she is ought to exercise it, her husband is made to provide for her.
saying that if we let go of other commandments by Allah, then we should not raise a hue n cry on this one as well, doesn't make it correct.
Life1 is full of disturbing threads. This one being one of the top once.
So many ridiculous arguments If you’re going to be this selfish and uptight about your money - I think you shouldn’t marry. Sab apne apne ghar mein raho.
If you want to talk about give and take and equality, remember the woman bears the physical burden of siring children and child rearing in the early years, usually. Even if you minus out the child-rearing (ex. women who work a lot and husband tends to be more at home with the kids - classic where wife is a working professional and husband is a software guy who can work from home, it happens), she is still dealing with child labor and the risk of her life.
Death with childbirth still actually happens. Not to mention post-partum depression, changes to a woman's body, her confidence in her body, etc etc. It really is a huge saccrifice.
What does a guy to do balance that? He provides.
I am all about a team effort but that works for some couples and for others it does not. There are couples such as described above where there is give and take in both finances and household chores. Then there are couples where you see the guy is a complete idiotic businessman and squanders the wife's savings/inheritance on business schemes that go nowhere, landing the family in more trouble.
So it really depends on the guy you're married to. What his financial expectations are of you. And what he's willing to give in return. And what other rishta offers you have on the table, honestly. For some women, it does come to - marry the guy that WILL take some of your money or be alone for the rest of your life.
Whatever. To each his own, I hope no woman has to endure any suffering beyond what is tolerable in a marriage, and may God make men understand that they have a duty to their wifes to at least compensate them for the ripping apart of their organs to birth their children. Would make common sense at least.
If only they allowed men all over the world into labour rooms and all husbands accepted the option and didn't chicken out.
It should not be a MUST that girls should work to support the family financially. It should be voluntarily than forcing her to bring an income or share her money. That’s an extra responsibility. Her duties include to make a wonderful home and good upbringing of the kids while husband is bringing food to the table. If both partners work, are you suggesting sending them to day care? Anyway, I think men who are incapable of supporting his wife should not get married. Why would we working girls need to get married if we’d have to double our responsibilities? Work, cook, clean, take care of the kids.. When do we get time for ourselves to relax and be a woman?.. I’d prefer women to work so they are ready for unexpected situations. Who leaves the house if things go sour? It is the woman who leaves his house.
Why do we get married at the first place? The reasons are security, protection, love, and family
No khudar husband would mistreat his wife’s income and I have seen it everywhere.
The other scenario is if he really needs it then she should contribute otherwise she shouldn’t be forced!
With all the facilities that we have nowadays a woman doesn't really have to be at home 24/7 . Plus marriage is a team play . Usually it helps to get off of your behind and help the team in any way possible . Be it a job or running errands or taking care of kids etc . Staying active and useful is the key . No one marries you to just look at your shakal .
Kuddos to people here for taking away the rights from women given to them by Almighty and advocating irresponsibility so men don't go far in their lives...
Girls save your money, it will be useful during emergency situations... Be a smart woman!
Off course, girls should always be active! Work, go to the gym, take kids to the games, and be involved...
The topic here is women sharing income not about them being active...
With all the facilities that we have nowadays a woman doesn't really have to be at home 24/7 . Plus marriage is a team play . Usually it helps to get off of your behind and help the team in any way possible . Be it a job or running errands or taking care of kids etc . Staying active and useful is the key . No one marries you to just look at your shakal .
If you’re going to be this selfish and uptight about your money - I think you shouldn’t marry. Sab apne apne ghar mein raho.
please stop your generalizations.