Thanx red velvet for taking out time for me...I know its impossible to forget and that makes my heart sink...
It shouldn't make your heart sink. Have you forgotten all the negative people that were only a part of your life for a short duration (a horrible teacher, a rude classmate, an obnoxious neighbor, snotty cousin or aunt, a crude stranger)????
You haven't eliminated it completely from your memory....their memories can still be triggered by some thing or the other. The human mind is like a computer....your can't forget.......things are stored in your memory. Even when you "REMIND" yourself that you should be "FORGETTING" a person......you're sill remembering them.
You can only move on. As mentioned before, take a break. Tell your parents you're not ready yet. But don't hurt yourself by deciding to never get married (especially if you DO desire to get married one day). Your ex has robbed you of months of peace and dignity...........you want him to rob you of the happiness of the rest of your life as well? You want to give him that power over you? For you, there may be only one guy. Who knows? For him.......there may be MANY OTHER GIRLS....who would be naive enough to be his next victim.
Talk to your parents about giving you a break. Or you could even tell them that you'll consider rishtay but that it's no guarantee that you'll say yes. And explain that you want to get to know the person well.
Things will get better. I'll give an example of a friend. She was in relationship with a guy. He wasn't abusive......but let's just say his behavior was wishy washy. He expressed his interest in marriage...even his parents thought he was interested in the girl. And then he started ignoring her.....and went to another state and secretly got married (I think it came as a shock to his parents as well). Anyhow, the girl was depressed...but shortly afterward (maybe a month or so later)....she got married to a REALLY nice guy (A guy MUCH better looking and nicer than the former one). She was so happy, it was hard to believe that she was the same girl who was so miserable only a few weeks before. Another example of someone I know: Girl was in a relationship with a guy who treated her like dirt. Then she met someone in college whom she feel in love with but couldn't be with. She was very depressed....even more so because her family was searching for her and she wasn't into it. But she met a guy....they got to know each other....treats her like a princess. They're now happily married with three kids.
So, take some time out....but not too much time....and if you meet someone you click with after getting to know him....consider it.
You will forget him when you will find that your life partner loves you and he really MEANS it, he won't insult you, won't abuse you, would respect your feelings. All a girl wants security, love, care and respect from her partner. Nothing is beyond the self-respect, everything goes behind when someone slaps you (abusing itself is a slap). Feelings also need respect because they worth it. I don't know why people say that the people who love don't bring any self-respect among their relationships. Noone has a right to make someone's feelings worthless like that.
Having some break won't work, it will make you feel even more sick and isolated. Just pray for your future and a good partner who will actually share your life and make you feel protected (InshAllah).
Sometimes at the time you think that nothing will make you happy and then something more beautiful happens for you, and your heart won’t sink:hugz: There is something better out there for you. Immerse yourself in those who love and care about you. Spend time on yourself and when you are ready, then consider getting married.
Listen to Reha's advice.
It'll take you at least few months to get over this completely. You made the right decision. Just don't talk to him at all. Cut any contacts with him. It'll help you get over this.
Also, try to keep yourself busy. Go out with family/friends, spend your time with them. Don't lock yourself in a room. Dress up, cook, etc.. just enjoy life and keep yourself busy.
As far as shaadi is concerned. Give yourself time. You don't even have to think about anyone right now. Let your parents look but finding good rishta takes months if not years. So let them do what they are doing, you keep yourself busy and stay happy. IA you'll find happiness.
i just went through the same thing (minus the slapping part) and trust me, you made the right choice. I also broke it off with someone who I had been with for five years...our parents had met and everything. Everyone expected us to get married, including ourselves, so it was difficult to step away from that. But you will be happy again, and you will be happy again with someone else, who treats you with respect and dignity. Learn from the experience and cherish the good memories, but know that you will make even better ones in the futur. If you are not ready to get married, tell your parents. If you need time for yourself, that is your right. That said, be open to the idea of meeting new people, even the ones your parents might want to introduce you too. And get your mind off him just by knowing how lucky you are: you dodged a bullet
awwww namaan hugs I am smiling reading ur post...its been ages ive cooked anything...but today i feel like :)
yes RV ive spoken to my mom about rishta thingy...i explained her that i have no problem getting married but not soon...she is a sweet heart...she said i understand completely but we are just searching rishtay and not forcing u to get married...she supports me alot..mashallah...she bought me a beautiful dress cuz she knew last few days back i wanted that...and now i am upset so she got it for me....
Thanx everyone for ur advices...it means alot...i am trying very hard to just overcome this phase..inshallah i'll be better soon...My hopes are high now! :)
Oh yes, i remember plusha posting in ‘aj kya pakaya’ thread:phati:
On a serious note:I know its not easy to walk over memories, 6 years is too long to be buried just like that. Know, that your decision is right and timely as you dint get married to him. You have gone an extra mile, you put up with verbal abuse and so you had no option. For now, dont get skeptical. Dont make up your mind about men. Keep your mind busy with books, music, cooking, whatever intrerests you and remember time is best healer. You will be fine too. Time will come when you will be able to look back at it without the slightest ache in your heart, smile and praise your decision. Also remember, it gets pitch dark before the dawn breaks. And remember it cannot keep getting worse forever. After break-even-point things have no choice but to improve and improve.
You listened to a bunch of people over the internet? You gotta be the dumbest broad on the face of the planet!
whether she took advice from people on gs or not, she got out of an abusive relationship and it should be commended. You yourself have advised others in the past to get a divorce or leave their spouses.
Try to be more respectful
What you need to do now is figure out why you put up with it for 6 years. It isn’t just about not wanting to end the relationship … there are issues within YOU that you must fix in order to heal from this properly.
You are strong and brave for leaving. Don’t feel scared or weak.
One of the biggest mistake we make is repeatedly give chances to people who do not deserve it. It’s really wrong to believe that there is ‘good’ in everybody. There are people out there with no conscience, and these are the types who turn into psychotic abusers. He doesn’t deserve a second chance.
Now self-reflect and rediscover yourself as an individual being without his presence in your life. Redefine yourself.
I’ve posted this link before, but I will do it again.
Here are a couple of books that each individual who has ever found themselves in any type of abusive situation should read. It’ll help you tremendously.
First of all the biggest step was to leave him, And you did. Dont look back ever. Not even the good times. Theres no point. OBVIOUSLY its gonna hurt. And i advice you NOT to see any rishtas ATM. Theres plenty of time for that im sure..
6 Years is a long time but its better you found out now what a low life he was then to be married with a kid then realise. Whatever he does ignore him. Dont answer his calls his texts nothing. Let him cry.. He'll be crying for the rest of his life. No doubt about that.
Its only been 15 days.... I would give it atleast 6months for you to get emotionally strong and placing a new man in ur life. Dont rush.