“Mothers look for *gori biwis * (fair wives) for their sons](Blogs & Commentary | The Express Tribune), discarding even the prospect of a *kaali *(dark) daughter-in-law.”
thoughts?
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
:D
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
Some good reads on that site, thanks for posting
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
They want goris so what is your problem? :p
Supply and demand
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess. I still think it's stupid. Most of the world is obsessed with some sort of aspect of beauty. In the West, being skinny is what it's all about. In Mauritius, the fatter a woman... the more attractive she is to the man. =/
Anyways, I think this obsession with skin color in Pakistan is slightly more evil than anywhere else, seeing as we are a Muslim nation. I was watching a Malcolm X documentary and he went from black supremacy to equality with the white man over the course of one trip to Saudi Arabia for hajj. I know that's a bit far-fetched in comparison to the Pakistani MIL's, but yeah. It's terrible. The most beautiful people I've seen are Somalian/dark-skinned.
As I read the article, I also thought of this joke someone always says with me. Whenever I'm angry with a friend, she always says..."Naraz ho? Mujh se haseen hona chahti ho?" - for a long time I didn't get it, we just laughed at the way she said, until she explained it was a line from a Fair & Lovely-type ad in Pakistan. To just think such ads actually air on TV is rather frightening. What kind of mindset would girls with darker skin have? My mom is a dark-skinned woman and she's confident as hell, I saw pics of her when she was younger and she looks like a model. Yet, meeting her childhood friends, they always say "ha, you're dark" - sure, it's a joke, but it's rather pathetic to even bring it up. From what I can see of my mom, she's extremely confident and carries herself beautifully. At parties/gatherings, she's the center of attention, women gravitate towards her. I'd like to think my mom is what normal women who don't fit societal norms are like - but I know it's not. Not all women have the confidence or self-esteem to really see themselves as beautiful, and these ads and the preference to fair skin do nothing but feed these insecurities.
The author is correct, we've projected this collective idea of beauty that's destroying how we perceive ourselves. And it won't change unless we change it ourselves. ie - Read the comment by 'intelektual' on the blog... it's people and mindsets like these that the media uses for their own benefit.
Ok! That's my rant over.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
So, are you as dark as michelle obama? 
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
No, more like Whoopi Goldberg/Wesley Snipes.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
I think there is some wisdom behind our mothers.
Now I was born and raised here in America, but even I think that typical “Indian color” doesn’t look nice.
Sometimes if you want an honest answer you can look to a child. My brother was looking at some pictures of one to two girls for marriage purposes on his laptop (he doesn’t want too but was kind of forced just to look), my sisters 4 year old son was sitting with him, and all of sudden he yells out “Mamoo she’s too brown” . At that moment my brother started laughing and he deleted the pics (its just wrong to do that).
Now my sister/her husband and their kids are all born in America, and neither have ever even been to Pakistan, there is no Way my sister would have taught him that, she would probably be quite angry if she heard that.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
^ It all depends on how the photo is taken. For example, in videos, in the west, the exposure is such that extremely fair person is made to look slighlly less pale - with the result a dark person's features are not visible. Hence photo or video may not be the best way to gauge atttractiveness of aperson.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
Can someone please copy-paste it here?
I can't access the blog from my workplace.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
^ It all depends on how the photo is taken. For example, in videos, in the west, the exposure is such that extremely fair person is made to look slighlly less pale - with the result a dark person's features are not visible. Hence photo or video may not be the best way to gauge atttractiveness of aperson.
Yeah point taken. My brother is done with that whole process.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
I agree with one of the above post somali people are beautiful both men and women. Michelle Obama is beautiful. I like her skin tone
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
I think there is some wisdom behind our mothers.
Now I was born and raised here in America, but even I think that typical "Indian color" doesn't look nice.
Sometimes if you want an honest answer you can look to a child. My brother was looking at some pictures of one to two girls for marriage purposes on his laptop (he doesn't want too but was kind of forced just to look), my sisters 4 year old son was sitting with him, and all of sudden he yells out "Mamoo she's too brown" . At that moment my brother started laughing and he deleted the pics (its just wrong to do that).
Now my sister/her husband and their kids are all born in America, and neither have ever even been to Pakistan, there is no Way my sister would have taught him that, she would probably be quite angry if she heard that.
It isn't that the child has some inherent attraction to light skin. If that were the case, black babies would commit suicide at the age of 3. Just bcos you are raised in the West doesn't mean that your Pakistani roots or mind set will change completely. I'm born and raised in the US, yet when a black man walks across the street from me I still get a bit on edge. Does that mean black people have inherent bad qualities? No. There's good and bad in everry bunch. Its all about society and media portrayals. You're affected daily by some sort of societal pressure/norm. Anyways, I think to say the 'indian color' is bad is rather cheap. God made them. Yoou're probably hideous to some Maori or Nigerian tribe. So don't pass comments on a certain 'color' being bad. No offense.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
As if there's such a massive difference between the Pak colour and the Indian one anyway..
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
If you’re ‘fair and innocent’, will you marry my son?
December 1, 2010
A few weeks ago, I went to a wedding where upon introduction, an aunty made the following comment: “Oh, beta how wonderful to see you’ve done your MBA. But why aren’t you married yet?”
The “why aren’t u married yet” was repeated in a derogatory tone as I was dragged tomeet another aunty. This aunty seemed to be looking for a “suitable” wife for her son who was living in America. Her plan was to short list 5-8 girls for her son, who would be visiting Pakistan for just a week, so she could ask him to choose one with whom an engagement or nikkah could be settled within the week. She elaborated about how innocent her son was and how he had told her he wanted a homely, domesticated wife and had therefore asked his mother to choose a Pakistani girl for him.
After this episode, I was asked a series of questions which shocked me, as I didn’t know how to respond to some of them. I was asked if I helped around the house, followed by whether I am a very social person or not. The third question (and I’m not exaggerating) was “Beta, I wanted to ask: do you wear deep neck shirts? Because we don’t approve of such things in our family.”
What shocked me was the bluntness with which an educated aunty asked me such a question. For all I know, her son could have been living abroad with a foreign woman, but yet the aunty believed her son was an angel and deserved a pure, innocent beauty queen.
This is a very common method for people to get married in Pakistan. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying love marriages are better than arranged marriages, since marriage is a gamble whether it’s out of choice or arranged, but I feel the concept of marriage in Pakistan is distorted. Marriage should be about sharing your life with someone. I would rather wait for a man who wanted to marry me because he wants to share his life with me, than marry a man who, without getting to know me, lets his mother decide if I’m the one for him based on my looks.
Most men in Pakistan get married as an obligation or because their mothers want them to. Marriage is about compatibility, understanding and adjustment. That depends on how two people connect, communicate or interact with one another not upon what they can cook or how tall or fair they are. It’s okay to introduce families or people to one another for the purpose of marriage but classifying looks or cooking as criteria for marriage is ridiculous.
In a similar incident, a few people were coming over to my friend’s house to meet her for the purpose of marriage. During the one hour the family was at her house, the boy didn’t say a word to her; he just stared at his mom and then at his feet. Moreover, my friend was asked by the father if any of the tea items being served to them were cooked by her as “it’s very important to know how to cook”.
His second question to her was if she knew how to drive as their eldest daughter used to drive him around but now that she was married, they had no driver. With the lack of interest from the boy’s side and the questions the father was asking, I wonder if they were hiring a maid/driver instead of a wife for their son.
Why are cooking skills and looks treated as the basis of marriage in Pakistan? Anyone can learn how to cook; being a great cook is a different matter but it is not something that cannot be learnt.
Being a single girl, I can’t breathe when I go toa wedding or social gathering because I know I’m being watched like a goat in the goat market by vulture women. Moreover what amazes me is that girls and boys agree to such practices and get married that way. Boys get married just because their mothers approved of the girl but lose interest later as they realised the girl wasn’t their “type” and they have extra marital affairs. Wouldn’t it just have been simpler had they showed some interest initially and gotten to know the girl? Why can’t men use their own brains and make their own decisionsabout who they want to marry?
The other day, some family friends were over. I’ve known their son since we were kids and also know that he’s dated many girls, gone to parties, and is pretty much a “player”. Yet that very day, his mom sat in front of me and said “My son has told me to look for a girl for him to get married to as he is very innocent and likes innocent girls. Please keep a look out for homely girls, who don’t go out much. Oh, and she should be fair and tall.”
I wanted to barf in disgust but I realised that about 85 per cent of the people in Pakistan have a similar mentality.
It’s time our matchmaking aunties change the criteria for marriage. Boys should, at the least, make an effort to get to know who they are marrying. Marriage cannot and should not be based on trivial things such as cooking or complexion. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. It’s about standing by your partner’s side and sharing his/her life – in sickness or in health.
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
Second link:
There is more to you than the colour of your skin
December 21, 2011
This may come as a surprise to you, but even women who till fields care about their complexion.This insecurity has risen from the relentless advertisements that preach ‘fairness’ as the key to all happiness. According to the media, being dark is a disadvantage akin to being disabled; a disadvantage so severe, that it could result in you remaining unmarried for the rest of your life.
Our media has brainwashed people into believing that they may have absolutely no chance of ever being happy or married if they are dark. A Pakistani woman may face a multitude of issues; she might have eight children, a gambler for a husband, and the pressure of dowry for her daughters. With all these concerns you might think that this woman’s biggest worry in life is just putting food on the table. Wrong. It’s trying to get her daughters to be fairer than they already are.
The media has developed yet another reason for women to feel dissatisfied; if they are not fair, they have no chance of progress in the world. People have fallen into the façade of “the fairer the better,” giving in to local advertisements and endorsing skin bleaching products such as Fair & Lovely. Thus, they end up spending money on products that they don’t need.
I find it offensive and appalling that advertisements choose to display darker girls as plain and unattractive. They are shown with disheveled hair and desaturated skin. However, after they use the pigment changers, they transform into happy, fair-skinned, beauties. They are shown with husbands, wealth, status, and background music that makes it look like their life is just perfect.
These advertisements feed off the sentiments of the insecure because they know that whilst an average Pakistani woman may not be able to go globe-trotting or have a lavish wedding, she can feel good about herself by applying a product that promises her a better life and a lighter skin tone – the image of perfection in the South Asian society. Pakistani streets are laden with billboards and posters featuring light-skinned models and actresses. These do not reflect the majority of the Pakistani population; dark-skinned, poor, hard working women.
Ancient India associated fair skin with the upper classes of society, while the darker skinned individuals were associated with farming, working, and the lower classes in general. While this attitude of distinguishing people based on the colour of their skin still persists, India has a huge population of South Asians who are predominantly dark-skinned. Though their media has been partial toward fairer actresses and models, there has been a shift over the last few years and several darker actresses, such as Bipasha Basu and Nandita Das, have been very successful and well-received on-screen. Regardless of this progress, several ad campaigns across India prefer light-skinned actresses and celebrities to endorse their products which is a highly unrealistic perception of beauty for South Asian masses who don’t necessarily fit this criteria.
Asian girls with darker pigmentation suffer taunts, mockery and ridicule at the hands of their peers. Evidence shows that in South Asian societies, darker girls face challenges when finding employment, getting married, and earning equal respect and recognition as their fairer counterparts even today. Mothers look for *gori biwis * (fair wives) for their sons](Blogs & Commentary | The Express Tribune), discarding even the prospect of a *kaali *(dark) daughter-in-law. Girls are seldom allowed to play out in the sun for too long because of the fear of developing a tan. In some horrendous cases, women have been so negatively affected by complexes about the colour of their skin, that they have resorted to using extremely toxic chemicals to lighten their skin-colour. This has led them to develop mental disorders and psychological traumas in the process.
Continents away in North America, where I currently work and reside, there is the opposite conundrum that is equally disturbing and worrisome. Women are risking getting skin cancer, skin disorders and permanent pigmentation damage by exposing their bodies to harmful rays in tanning beds that are sprouting up in salons everywhere. “Pale” as they like to call it, isn’t really ‘in’ right now and women will go to all extremes to fit in and conform to society’s expectations of weight, skin, colour and beauty.
After all is said and done, let’s take a step back and re-evaluate what we consider beautiful, the impact of it on the world, and the unrealistic expectations and pressures put on women to to toe this line. Practices that require indulgence that are harmful to the health is a tumour to the society. They are extremely detrimental and are created by corporate fiends for profiteering purposes. Social stigmas keep making their way into the lives of the insecure, tormenting them until they succumb and begin mutilating their own skin and body parts in the quest for image perfection. The world has enough problems, and we do not need the unnecessary burden of self-loathing to be added to this list.
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necessarily reflect the views and policies of The Express Tribune.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
^ Thanks a lot Deeba :)
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
^You're welcome..
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
Is it only in South Asia???
I was reading an article on Brazil and it was written, your social status in Brazil is determined by how white you are.
Re: FINALLY a good article about south asian obsession with light skin
Yeah, they tend to favour blonde hair and blue eyes but then again with (comparatively) ‘darker’ models like Adriana Lima they don’t photoshop them to look miky white.. Imo they’re still a bit more open to different types of beauty than we are..
We have Sunita Marshal but this is what happens:
