I know a lot of you are getting annoyed or think I am “mad” by the amount of posts on here about “this guy” but maybe if you were as confused as me…have no where else to turn …and need similar peoples oppinions from the same culture…u would understand…
Well he came back…he was saying we should not rush a wedding…make money first…I was special to him…he got feelings for me etc…following meeting…his father wants him to have arranged marriage…but he saying no…as he has feelings for me…and when everything at home calmed down from the death…he gonna tell his dad about me. But in the mean time…he cannot promise anything and said if I cannot wait I need to go out with other guys!!! Although I apparently should not tell him…as he gonna get jealous and may hit the guy!! WTF!!!But then yesterday…I ended up in hospital…recuss unit…text him…and did no t even gt a reply!! This guy cannot be normal…most people have been calling/texting me all day checking to see if I am ok…I know he under stress from family..but come on!! This guy completely hates me! Surely…this is not muslim behaviour!!
Anyway this is the last chapter now…and no…I am not mad…weird or whatever…and even if I have become slightly weird…or desperate looking…hes made me like that by playing games!
Thanks
The positive thing here is that he has finally admitted feelings for me…but on the other hand…his dad wants to marry him off!! I do not think I can take anymore…I am sad all the time…dont sleep…effecting my work etc etc …I am slowly going into depression with thoughts I really wish I was not having…but as they say…apparently makes you stronger!
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
aye yai yo
Ok, first of all take some deep breaths. This situation has affected you deeply and you need to put some things into perspective. Nobody likes to be left in limbo in a relationship as you have been. This is my advice to you and you can do with it what you want:
At this time you are waaay to close to the situation and need to completely cut off any ties for the moment with the guy. Give yourself a few days, maybe a week, just to decompress from all the stress. After things start to resume to somewhat of a normal state you need to ask yourself whether this person is worth all the grief you've felt he's caused you. Are you able to bear any more or have you had it? If you're done with it, then continue with no contact and if you're absolutely sure, then delete his number and block his calls if you can. If you are still willing to give it a go, I advise you try to do it on your terms as best as possible. People don't like ultimatums, but in your situation I think you need one, otherwise it will drive you to the brink of insanity. You have to let him know, you are willing to wait a certain amount of time (a week, two weeks, whatever you feel you can handle), but then you need an answer. IF he dilly dallies, then it's really not worth it. If he accepts the time constraint, then you just have to wait and see. But once, you have set your limit, don't let him keep extending it. You want an answer one way or another by the end of it. Once you get your answer then you'll know how to proceed.
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
Move on completely.
Do not answer calls, messages or any other correspondence. Disappear...he WILL try to get you back BUT ONLY because its you who is shutting him off.
I can guarantee this man is not sincere....most probably he is already engaged to a cousin in some tragic corner of the world and he isnt telling you. Since he is a coward, he is waiting for you to get sick and tired of him...and then break up yourself as he doesnt want to do any of the dirty work.
Please recognize this behavior...if he really wanted to be with you there is NOTHING in the world that could stop him. Absolutely NOTHING.
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
Move on completely.
Do not answer calls, messages or any other correspondence. Disappear...he WILL try to get you back BUT ONLY because its you who is shutting him off.
I can guarantee this man is not sincere....most probably he is already engaged to a cousin in some tragic corner of the world and he isnt telling you. Since he is a coward, he is waiting for you to get sick and tired of him...and then break up yourself as he doesnt want to do any of the dirty work.
Please recognize this behavior...if he really wanted to be with you there is NOTHING in the world that could stop him. Absolutely NOTHING.
Wish you luck!
agree with you about ignoring him! But just one thing...if he was waiting for me to tell him to F off then why mention marrying me...surely that wouldn't make me or any other girl think he was trying to get rid of us!
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
Hey Catwomen, I've been reading your threads.
You should have cut contact the first couple of times he avoided your calls when he was back home. Anyway. Forget about it. Not for the moment, but forever.
Girls girls girls...don't go after wishy washy boys. And since you are non-desi, you are in a more vulnerable position. I haven't read people's responses but I will tell you that VERY VERY FEW desi people are strong enough to stand up to their parents. And to top it off, that happens when they have so much belief in their romantic relationships that the rest becomes secondary. We have crazy things like emotional appeals/blackmails and what not that make it very hard for the 'child' to step out of his comfort zone a.k.a family/culture.
I seriously think you should forget about any 0.05% chances even if they exist.
And one more thing. IF he was serious about you, there is NO WAY he would tell you to date others.
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
I imagine that if you have a SERIOUS desire to marry someone.......you'd want that person to yourself.......you certainly wouldn't encourage them to date other people (as mentioned above by Princessjojo). That's like a contradiction.
Could it be that he didn't have the courage to tell you directly that he doesn't love you....because he might be afraid that approach would hurt you more? So, he could be hoping that you'll "get the hint" when he encouraged you to see other guys......and might be deliberately acting like a jerk to piss you off enough to the point that YOU will feel compelled to end things first and move on. ***And EVEN if he does get jealous about you dating other guys......that doen't necessarily mean he loves you......it could just be wounded ego/pride.
Catwomen, do you even feel "good" when you're with this guy? Or is he bringing you MORE stress/grief than happiness? If it's the former.....then i think you should seriously think about moving on.........because things are already tough right now and his wishy washy behavior only worsens matters. A difference in culture brings many challenges and obstacles.......and when one partner is not even strong enough to deal with it......then what's the point?
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
Hey Catwomen, I've been reading your threads.
You should have cut contact the first couple of times he avoided your calls when he was back home. Anyway. Forget about it. Not for the moment, but forever.
Girls girls girls...don't go after wishy washy boys. And since you are non-desi, you are in a more vulnerable position. I haven't read people's responses but I will tell you that VERY VERY FEW desi people are strong enough to stand up to their parents. And to top it off, that happens when they have so much belief in their romantic relationships that the rest becomes secondary. We have crazy things like emotional appeals/blackmails and what not that make it very hard for the 'child' to step out of his comfort zone a.k.a family/culture.
I seriously think you should forget about any 0.05% chances even if they exist.
And one more thing. IF he was serious about you, there is NO WAY he would tell you to date others.
Hope you listen!
He said this because he cannot promise me anything......I said I was not gonna waste my life on someone who could not promise me anything...so thats why he said it but not too tell him as he getting jealous ? why would a guy say this rubbish if they trying to get rid of u!! Surely they should not say this...he could have just said...yes I having a arranged marriage and off I go happy that I know point blank where I stand and no more mind games!!
Another thing...the silly billy asked me..would I change my religion for him...once again why ask such a stupid question if he trying to get rid of someone! Gosh he stressing me out even as I typing this...he is such a dick!
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
I imagine that if you have a SERIOUS desire to marry someone.......you'd want that person to yourself.......you certainly wouldn't encourage them to date other people (as mentioned above by Princessjojo). That's like a contradiction.
Could it be that he didn't have the courage to tell you directly that he doesn't love you....because he might be afraid that approach would hurt you more? So, he could be hoping that you'll "get the hint" when he encouraged you to see other guys......and might be deliberately acting like a jerk to piss you off enough to the point that YOU will feel compelled to end things first and move on. ***And EVEN if he does get jealous about you dating other guys......that doen't necessarily mean he loves you......it could just be wounded ego/pride.
Catwomen, do you even feel "good" when you're with this guy? Or is he bringing you MORE stress/grief than happiness? If it's the former.....then i think you should seriously think about moving on.........because things are already tough right now and his wishy washy behavior only worsens matters. A difference in culture brings many challenges and obstacles.......and when one partner is not even strong enough to deal with it......then what's the point?
OK why say he got feelings when he hasn't! that is not a way to make a girl forget a man!! once again he such a mind playing dick! But when I with him time stands still ...just when dont see him...he likes these mind games!
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
^You should be feeling calm/secure about your relationship......when you are with your partner and also when you are away from them....especially in a situation where the issue of marriage is brought up. And if you don't feel good when you're away from him ...and if his attitude ticks you off......then why bother?
"Why does he say he has feelings when he hasn't?" is your question.
^I never said that he definitely doesn't have feelings. I just put forth a possibility. People can lie to make a situation seem less unpleasant.
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
Why can he not promise you anything? Because he is not serious. He has doubts.
It does not mean he does not like you. Getting jealous doesn't mean all that much. He lacks consistency.
Liking is just not enough. Who knows if this is just a passing crush for him? A strong sense of commitment is the most important ingredient and that is lacking here.
He is confused himself. That is why he sometimes answers you and sometimes avoids you. In a way, I also feel that he wants YOU to take the initiative and back off. Why? Because that will free him of any guilt, what could have been feelings and trouble.
From another perspective, he might just be liking the feeling of being wanted by someone. So he wants to hold on to you in some ways despite not seeing a future with you.
If you are not liking the mind games, which you are not, be the first one to end them.
I hope what ever happens with you is for the best.
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
If he doesn't "like" you enough to even consider talking to his father NOW, then i'm sorry but he's "just not that into you." Any girl by now would have gotten the hint. He's using you emotionally. It's kind of like when a guy wants to go out with you, but not in front of people. Anyway I'm glad you're over it. Move on, tons of fish in the sea, but please next time be careful for who you fall for. And even when you really don't want to, just remember to notice the hints.
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
Why can he not promise you anything? Because he is not serious. He has doubts.
It does not mean he does not like you. Getting jealous doesn't mean all that much. He lacks consistency.
Liking is just not enough. Who knows if this is just a passing crush for him? A strong sense of commitment is the most important ingredient and that is lacking here.
He is confused himself. That is why he sometimes answers you and sometimes avoids you. In a way, I also feel that he wants YOU to take the initiative and back off. Why? Because that will free him of any guilt, what could have been feelings and trouble.
From another perspective, he might just be liking the feeling of being wanted by someone. So he wants to hold on to you in some ways despite not seeing a future with you.
*If you are not liking the mind games, which you are not, be the first one to end them.
*
I hope what ever happens with you is for the best.
I agree with every single word on the above post.
Catwomen: Who cares "why" he's saying these things to you? You need to focus on his actions. Words really don't mean much in the long run. Please believe me when I tell you that desis aren't always logical. Many desis do stupid things that can not be explained logically. I'm sure you've read enough posts on this forum to see that already. And sometimes....men are simply a**holes. I've seen several cases similar to yours in which the desi guy already had a wife picked out for him in Pakistan.
Whatever this guy's reasons may be....the bottom line is that this "relationship" is having a negative effect on you. As another poster already stated....if you don't like the "games" this guy is playing, then end it and move on. Find a guy who will treat you with respect.
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
Iv been reading your threads......all of them :) and ill say it again, the guy is playing u. yeah he may have feelings for u but why has he finally told u that and still said go out with other guys. its because he knows that as he has expressed his feelings for u, u wont go with anyone else, and he can also keep u arms length. prime example of treat um mean, keep um keen.
move on, i doubt he will ever have the courage to speak to his dad about u. if he showed them the pix of u then why is there a delay in gettin a response from his dad. i thought he told them about u.
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
agree with you about ignoring him! But just one thing...if he was waiting for me to tell him to F off then why mention marrying me...surely that wouldn't make me or any other girl think he was trying to get rid of us!
People do and say a lot of stupid things under pressure. He said it because he felt he was supposed to say it and you were expecting it. Does he mean it? No. And Im sure you know that.
Is it just my computer or is gupshup going thru technical changes?
Re: final chapter of the book...this is seriously by last post about this guy!!
Iv been reading your threads......all of them :) and ill say it again, the guy is playing u. yeah he may have feelings for u but why has he finally told u that and still said go out with other guys. its because he knows that as he has expressed his feelings for u, u wont go with anyone else, and he can also keep u arms length. prime example of treat um mean, keep um keen.
move on, i doubt he will ever have the courage to speak to his dad about u. if he showed them the pix of u then why is there a delay in gettin a response from his dad. i thought he told them about u.
hmmm well apparently he showed his sisters but is waiting for the death of his wife before he says anything to his dad...yes I undestand that in a way...and I really dont understand why people lie or say things they dont mean...do men not realise that it is easier for others to move on if they know the truth rather than be strung along! IDIOTS!!! he was not under stress...he started the conversation about feelings etc not me!
