My FIL who is usually very quite today commneted on why i am having so many pimples. i said i have no idea thr at times whn my skin gets haywire.. its not like i have cystic acne or something.. there are some of them which have left dark spots which def will take time to go..
he said tell me i ll take u to the doc.. he even said i shouldnt be saying this but bahot kharab lagra.. also compared me to mil. that see how well she take cares of herself even now.. even i do bt my skin is super sensitive.. and plus my mil is extremely fair and glowy and has been like this always, infact all her bros and sis are the same..
i dunno why but i felt bad,.. very bad! also because i ve battled acne all my teenage yrs.. developed inferiority complex only coz of that.. it took me years to overcome all that. and now living with such “only beauty conscious ppl” i am hurt.
my hubby doesnt say anything to me as such.. alhamdulilah! also my mom isnt very beautiful but never did my dad or my granddad comment on her beauty or anything. he always praises her tht she z the most gorgeous lady and all..
Did he talk to you in a caring manner, or a demeaning one? What are his mannerisms generally like?
But yes, it is a bit strange for him to comment on something like this, but you know the family dynamics better, so maybe with your past history and struggles with the issue, you may have takes his words harsher than what was meant. Only you would be the best judge of that.
maybe he thought he was being understanding by saying see how she takes care.Also it would’ve been a bit worse coming from the MIL who has flawless skin ,maybe she asked him to speak? cuz men usually don’t talk about such things.
I think u should go to a dermatologist & when he explains ur sensitive skin and it’s skin type ur FIL will understand as men dont usually know the details .He proly think it’s the fairness cream his wife uses that makes her skin flawless.
Some ppl are beauty conscious and that's the way it is. My own family is very weight conscientious and won't spare words if I gain weight . It's not about love or being caring they just are turned off by weight. It's not my inlaws but my own family. So naturally they will feel they same way about the Bahus. I don't think this is an insult to you but he feels that maybe his son might feel that way. I totally understand its an hormonal thing and its not your fault the way your skin is. there are a few things that work in controlling acne but stress definitely makes things worse. Birth control pills sometimes help improve skin. Again talk to your doctor and improve your diet, drink lots of water . And definitely take good physical care of yourself if your inlaws are beauty conscious . Again there are lots of ppl in the world like that. It makes it harder for you Bc your own family is not like that.
Unfortunately some people can be very insensitive and have no idea how to talk to other people. It was very insensitive of your FIL, I can understand that you feel hurt :(
Don't let it get to you!!
I know how you feel girl , i've been through similar situations at my susral aswell with much bigger issues ... but trust me sometimes the key to all of this is to listen from one ear and get it out the other.... and if he comments again and again then openly tell your husband.. not in a complaining manner ,,,,in a manner where you are actually very hurt. Am sure he can talk to his dad. :)
i agree with party slims... i think you are extra touchy cuz of your history and complex.
i think he was genuinely concerned.. only you know better cuz of the tone used. he probably thinks there must be something you arent doing.. that you should be... since his wife has clean skin.
i would ahve ended the convo with.. haan susar ji.. dekhein. patha nahi kia horaha hai... saasu ma se pooch ker dekthi hu mein... shayad woh kuch laganay ko de dein.
OR.. kill the topic once and for all and just say
in ka ( pimples) ka koi ilaaj nahi.. sub kuch ker kay dekh liya... mein khud bezaar hu in se.. lekin ab kia karein. and thats that.
Take care of your diet, Inshallah your skin will get better. Eat more vegetables like stir fry's and salads, and even in soup etc. And more fruit. Avoid sugar and sweet treats. Try Saafi, this is excellent for skin. To avoid the bitter taste, put a teaspoon in your mouth and hold the liquid in your mouth, then swallow water on top. Drink 2 litres of water every day and exercise, this will help to get rid of the toxins in the body.
I think he is quite ill mannered to say something like that. He has not to worry how ur skin looks like and then comparing to his wife is totally mean. I mean these pimples and acne one who hav is already too sensitive abt it and of course really want to get rid of it also but the people around really make it stressful.
Anyways, I was just thinking that people like him can also say that "bahu kafi din ho gaye aap ne threading nahi kerwai":-)
I think its natural to feel upset especially if its a sensitive issue that you are aware of but can't really help.
Provided that he wanted to take you to the doctor shows that perhaps he has not witnessed such a flare up before and thinks its a health-related issue or something that can be easily taken care of with routine self-care? Based on what you wrote so far I feel like he felt concerned, but his way of delivering the sentiments was unfair in that he compared you to his wife (who it sounds like is naturally blessed with good skin).
And its not that I am very close to him or something coz its been just an year still. we share a very formal relationship. even with his own kids he hardly chats..
and its not like i dont see the mirror ever. even i m veryyyyyyy worried abt them but i just dont want to stress myself over it. the last think i would want would be someone from my in laws commenting/criticising on me..
I think its natural to feel upset especially if its a sensitive issue that you are aware of but can't really help.
Provided that he wanted to take you to the doctor shows that perhaps he has not witnessed such a flare up before and thinks its a health-related issue or something that can be easily taken care of with routine self-care? Based on what you wrote so far I feel like he felt concerned, but his way of delivering the sentiments was unfair in that he compared you to his wife (who it sounds like is naturally blessed with good skin).
Exactly my point! She is been blessed with an amazingggg skin. its not the first time, my mil once was commenting on my dark circles. i was just listenning to her. she quickly turned to her husband and asked.. have u seen me with dark circles ever (just to show she takes care of her skin so well) he said tum itni gori ho ke kuch dikhta hi nahi she was happy, gigled and repeated the dialouge infront on 10 ppl. lol.
