I feel that it is a conscious effort, if temptation is present. There are two scenarios. In one, the individulas in a couple do not entertain the sort of social life or professional life that they have any energy or time or opportunity left over to cheat either emotionally or physically. In the other, they are the sort, either one or both, who have friendships with the opposite gender individually, who socialise a lot, who have free time left over in their life to go out with friends etc either alone or together. In the first it's easier not to cheat because you dont have the opportunity which you must resist, and focus only on your spouse. In the latter, things can get messy in the sense that if they are already talking with members of the opposite gender, hanging out etc, there may be times when their spouse is unavailable, or unable to give them the time and attention they want, whereas the "friends", any one of them might be able to and especially, in confiding the marital issues between the spouses with outsiders, the husband or wife is already in a prime place to cheat emotionally. He/she feels vulnerable. Angry at the spouse, and grateful for the sympathetic ear or shoulder.
Just as every action requires effort. So does fidelity. And for each some effort is put in. Like TLK said very well above somewhere, though some people may say character is all that is required to remain faithful, even the building of that character is a lifelong process and effort.
Tons of threads out there trolling about this person having an affair or someone not being in love with their partner anymore and finding an emotional connection outside of the marital relationship.
So let's get serious for a minute: is honouring your marital vows easy or is it something you work at every day? How easy or hard is fidelity?
In other words how real are the tempations to stray from marriage and what makes a person remain faithful? And if they're not faithful - why not?
In the other, they are the sort, either one or both, who have friendships with the opposite gender individually, who socialise a lot, who have free time left over in their life to go out with friends etc either alone or together. In the first it's easier not to cheat because you dont have the opportunity which you must resist, and focus only on your spouse. In the latter, things can get messy in the sense that if they are *already talking with members of the opposite gender, hanging out etc, there may be times when their spouse is unavailable, or unable to give them the time and attention they want, whereas the "friends", any one of them might be able to and especially, in confiding the marital issues between the spouses with outsiders, the husband or wife is already in a prime place to cheat emotionally. He/she feels vulnerable. Angry at the spouse, and grateful for the sympathetic ear or shoulder. *
You mean the best friend of the opposite sex?? Like if you go talk that BFF about your life decisions and seek emotiona support first........... That could lead to cheating n stuff??
I don’t see any effort required not to cheat, maybe I’m emotionally inert, although I don’t sit next to, talk, look at or entertain women in any fashion as I see it as very “wrong” unless I’m in a crowd of people of course and everyone is talking to each other. My ex picked up on the fact that I would talk to her friends without looking at them.
Anyway I think this is basic morals and I don’t need to “consciously” resist temptation as there is none.
Say what you like, yes I have a male best friend and like I care what some stereotypical backward paindu thinks (who else would also have a problem with wives going to work)..
Say what you like, yes I have a male best friend and like I care what some stereotypical backward paindu thinks (who else would also have a problem with wives going to work)..
why oh why le paindu-phobia?
If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?
Us paindus are human beings too. Leave us alone and stop the generalizations.
One should put in the effort first into any sort of relationship, as a good manner and nature. That effort should be returned, following by both sides continuing to put effort for each other. That energy is bound to return and if it’s not then neither side will try. If no one tries, everyone complains.
I guess, my question is more about what happens after? Let's take the fairytale: Guy meets girl. Guy and girl love each other (either before or after they get married). Guy and girl get married. Guy and girl live happily ever after....or do they?
Life after marriage is not fairytales. Real life grabs you by the throat and with time the first bloom of love fades. Everyone accepts that love changes over time and little annoyances sometimes become big annoyances. So, it's more a question of how do you keep the love AND passion alive?
What I'm looking for is comments on what a non-desi friend once told me. He said that being unfaithful is actually easy. Despite the love one has for their partner, because there are tempations out there, to remain faithful is a conscious choice and an effort that each partner makes on a daily basis.
What say you to that?
sometimes its not a fairy tale and a happy ending. Suppose guy loves girl, girls loves guy... but they dont end up getting married because of family, religion issues.... guy gets married to somewhere else according to family's wish and so does girl... they have kids of their own... now 10 years later guy finds the girl and wants to talk to her, be freinds with her....
the girl tries to resist but he was her love... spending 10 years with her husband still didnt make her forget that guy... so people really forget their love when there is someone else in their life to love them? is it really something that can be done?
so now guy and girl are talking again after 10 years like nothing ever happened... and now its becoming an emotional affair... both want to stay in their limits but the temptations keep coming....
what would be the right thing to do?
Breaking off ties doesnt seem possible because for past 10 years they didnt know about whereabouts of each other but now they do... still long distancne though but ....they want to keep in touch...
they look at it like God made them find each other for a reason... although noone know what the reason is?? what would be ur opinion on this one?
sometimes its not a fairy tale and a happy ending. Suppose guy loves girl, girls loves guy... but they dont end up getting married because of family, religion issues.... guy gets married to somewhere else according to family's wish and so does girl... they have kids of their own... now 10 years later guy finds the girl and wants to talk to her, be freinds with her....
the girl tries to resist but he was her love... spending 10 years with her husband still didnt make her forget that guy... so people really forget their love when there is someone else in their life to love them? is it really something that can be done?
so now guy and girl are talking again after 10 years like nothing ever happened... and now its becoming an emotional affair... both want to stay in their limits but the temptations keep coming....
what would be the right thing to do?
Breaking off ties doesnt seem possible because for past 10 years they didnt know about whereabouts of each other but now they do... still long distancne though but ....they want to keep in touch...
they look at it like God made them find each other for a reason... although noone know what the reason is?? what would be ur opinion on this one?
uhh. When they are married, they are married. The excuse that they were in love before is just lame, and probably used because they are bored in their current marriage. If it mattered enough, they would have done something about it before getting married. But if they chose to not do anything before, then they shouldn't really carry on an "emotional affair" and instead focus on fulfilling a commitment they made to their families by marrying someone of their choice 10 years ago.
Now to the topic their are many many reasons for infidelity among desi folks . I thinks the most common reason is that they are looking for some side adventure and when they find someone who they think loves them out of wedlock that makes them feel important and wanted.
Those folks do not have Khuda ka khouf and have no morals either. Religion provides them an Islamic name but it does not have any other place in their hearts.
maybe I’m emotionally inert, although I don’t sit next to, talk, look at or entertain women in any fashion as I see it as very “wrong” unless I’m in a crowd of people of course and everyone is talking to each other. My ex picked up on the fact that I would talk to her friends without looking at them.
…and now scared…trying to make it look like nothing happened…
