why would a person have an emotional affair if all is fine with her/his spouse. I just don’t understand that. the man/woman that a person is married to is wonderful but isn’t as romantic or isn’t as attentive as another, I still don’t see how there can be an emotional affair, why isn’t the person trying from their side to communicate what he/she wants…it’s like the adulterers are speaking a language i don’t understand, in a relationship i would put my all to make it work in terms of all departments. i think for me even the word divorce is something that shouldn’t even be thought of unless it’s a volatile, painful relationship other types where it’s tiny issues, emotional affairs along with physical ones are just such low, slime ridden acts.
if the person has to fall in love with somebody else then just divorce and be done with it, our mind tells us that it’s just wrong to have an affair, emotionally or physically, even before we act on it. it makes me angry to think that a person would give up such a good thing just b/c they emotionally connected with somebody, we emotionally connect with so many people that doesn’t mean that we act on it especially when our SO loves,cares, is nonabusive…it makes me pissed if a woman or a man has all that and she/he would still have an affair.. /rant over
I have recently heard 2 cases where husbands got involved in affairs although they had children. One of them had a love marriage and the other had been married with 4 children for 12 years. What type of need they have that could not be satisfied with their wives? Or suddenly one day they realised that they were married to the wrong person and now the right person is in front of them, they could not resist, divorced their wives and abandoned their childred just to be with the 'right' person. Pathetic...
Ok one thing I don't understand is that who are these women who are ready to marry some one who already has a family? What happens to their common sense when the trust on some one who can leave his wife and kids for another women. The same person can do it again and again giving the pathetic excuse of being with the right person because apparently the definition of right person changes
Loyalty and faithfulness is not just a commitment, its a character, so the issue of honoring vows being easy or difficult should not be there. Its something that should come from inside and cannot be forced upon you contractually.
Okay so going by that logic...if a person has to make an effort at being faithful and loyalty, they are lacking character/bad character?
I don't believe in this "buss pyar ho gya" crap. u can have crushes, swoon, etc, but this "pyar" stuff doesn't happen unless you're in constant communication with that person and constantly keep pushing the boundaries.
^^ Yes if a spouse is having to make a conscious effort in being faithful, it is a character flaw. You'll see that most people who get involved in affairs are repeat offenders in some way or the other. Either they flirt a lot, or are easily available for questionable friendships with the opposite gender, want a lot of privacy and independence, may have a couple of flings here and there and perhaps one really detailed one...something like that. You'd hardly find such people to just have made that one big mistake of the one time weak moment...those type of folks are few.
Okay so going by that logic...if a person has to make an effort at being faithful and loyalty, they are lacking character/bad character?.
^^ Yes if a spouse is having to make a conscious effort in being faithful, it is a character flaw. You'll see that most people who get involved in affairs are repeat offenders in some way or the other. Either they flirt a lot, or are easily available for questionable friendships with the opposite gender, want a lot of privacy and independence, may have a couple of flings here and there and perhaps one really detailed one...something like that. You'd hardly find such people to just have made that one big mistake of the one time weak moment...those type of folks are few.
I kind of agree with Niks, but in general, character is something that you have to put effort in building anyways. Lying comes easy because it could help me save me from embarrassment but sticking to the truth requires effort. So just because person is making an effort to be loyal does not show a character flaw.
BTW, making effort and resisting temptations are two different things. If I am at a casino where everyone is gambling and also wining, forcing myself not to gamble is resisting temptation. Making a promise never to be inside a Casino at the first place is an effort (a vow, a promise).
not being at a wrong place/situation to begin with is so easy and rewarding. Resisting temptations is very difficult and it means that you are in a wrong company/place/situation and it happens often by choice.
BTW, making effort and resisting temptations are two different things. If I am at a casino where everyone is gambling and also wining, forcing myself not to gamble is resisting temptation. Making a promise never to go to Casino at the first place is an effort (a vow, a promise).
That's what I mean, let's take alcohol for example.
I dont drink, never wanted to so its effortless for me to avoid bars.
But if someone does drink and they make an effort to not go into any bars or avoid places where alcohol is served isn't that making a genuine effort into not sinning? So how is it fair or right to judge them for not having character or have a character flaw, just because it is not effortless for them?
btw the drinking is just one example....it can be used pretty much for anything, I think.
I think you either have the capacity to cheat or you don't.
Some couples stay faithfull even though their marriage is a nightmare, while others will find it easy to cheat.
Either they flirt a lot, or are easily available for questionable friendships with the opposite gender, want a lot of privacy and independence, may have a couple of flings here and there and perhaps one really detailed one...something like that.
If I did not have met a married Pakistani woman one night on America Online who mistook me for her lover, I would consider all those threads to be just BS by some trolls. This woman was having an affair with a guy online who had similar nick as mine on AOL. She was bashing her husband who had to work hard so that she could have good life. He was sleeping upstairs after a hard days work and she was looking to have romantic chat with her lover. When I told her that she is talking to the wrong guy she did not believe me. I had to tell her my full name and some other details to make her believe me.
That was not the last one by the way , Since I have very common Muslim name as my AOL nick I got hit with misguided love bugs many , many times.
Now to the topic their are many many reasons for infidelity among desi folks . I thinks the most common reason is that they are looking for some side adventure and when they find someone who they think loves them out of wedlock that makes them feel important and wanted.
Those folks do not have Khuda ka khouf and have no morals either. Religion provides them an Islamic name but it does not have any other place in their hearts.
I don't believe in this "buss pyar ho gya" crap. u can have crushes, swoon, etc, but this "pyar" stuff doesn't happen unless you're in constant communication with that person and constantly keep pushing the boundaries.
Yeah. Buss pyar ho gaya hahahah! Yeah right! I don't know how people just fall in love bus aisey hi.
it doesn’t…its a way to (poorly) rationalize their actions but in reality…for “love” to happen, you have to be open and willing and all that (not in a dirty way )
I think you either have the capacity to cheat or you don't.
Some couples stay faithfull even though their marriage is a nightmare, while others will find it easy to cheat.
I agree with sarab.
Either you are of that ilk or you are not.
I don't quite understand how anyone can be in one relationship, however loveless it may be, and justify carrying on with another. Maybe I am just not "multi-tasking" enough in my commitment department, lol.
Those folks do not have Khuda ka khouf and have no morals either. Religion provides them an Islamic name but it does not have any other place in their hearts.
I completely agree, maybe it's the way I have been brought up, but I simply cannot entertain such concepts. It's shameless, don't these people have a conscience?
The society that we live in nowadays made it very easy to cheat on your partner. At the end of the day and my personal observation is..whether the person has right morals or not. If he or she has right conscious morals mind then it is hard and impossible to commit these kind acts.
agree with xtron , the society has made it difficult nowadays. Temptations are so in your face. You are surrounded by the opposite sex these days the whole time.
There is not only physical cheating but emotional cheating / internet cheating ( if i can call it that lol )
Men have always cheated, coz they know they can.
Now with women's lib, they are catching up.
Of course it is always easier for the men, coz the wife in most cases will accept a cheating husband as they are very much dependent on their husbands.
Cheating is an opportunity, i think most men would cheat if they thought they got away with it. When you are a rich guy, its in your favor coz you can afford it, same goes with the poor guys, its not going to make a difference to them. It the middle class that has a tough time. It take time, effort and money to cheat. Which the average middle class does not have.
i think abt 2 months back, there was an incident in bahrain. An indian couple and a paksitani couple. The husbands worked for an extremely well reputed firm. So the Indian guy invites the pakistani guy and his wife out for drinks, so the go to a lounge , grab a couple of drinks there, then go back home drink some more. Now the Paki guy wants to go home but the Indian guy and the Paki wife still want to party. So they go out. Now god knows what happened when they went out, but eventually they were caught in a supermaket parking lot h*mping like bunnies by the cops. Those who live in Bahrain/ Saudi/ Dubai will tell you this is not a thing to be caught for.
Well the Paki guy divorced his wife the next day. The Indian Guy is still married. ( Although his wife is from a pretty well to do family ). Obviously i know who the Indian guy is, coz he is from my community. No clue abt the Paki couple though.
Y o y did they find a parking lot is beyond me, but i guess it was all tht drinking.
/rant over
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