Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

Lifestyle Relationships
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Tons of threads out there trolling about this person having an affair or someone not being in love with their partner anymore and finding an emotional connection outside of the marital relationship.

So let’s get serious for a minute: is honouring your marital vows easy or is it something you work at every day? How easy or hard is fidelity?

In other words how real are the tempations to stray from marriage and what makes a person remain faithful? And if they’re not faithful - why not?

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Re: Fidelity’s going out of style like it’s 1999

i respect you so much seharish :hugz:

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Re: Fidelity’s going out of style like it’s 1999

Is it time for me to be scared now?

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Re: Fidelity’s going out of style like it’s 1999

I am not kidding but when I read the title, I thought Sehrys started a thread on trends of money investments :hehe:

Loyalty and faithfulness is not just a commitment, its a character, so the issue of honoring vows being easy or difficult should not be there. Its something that should come from inside and cannot be forced upon you contractually.

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

In my view marriage isn't only living with a person or loving them, but its your actions too. If you REALLY love a person then you will not find the temptations tempting imo. If someone is having regular temptations then they maybe need to look where their marriage isn't going well.

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

Good topic sehrysh. i wud like to hear what the married peope have to say to this and if they have ever come across such an issue.

I wonder if pyar bas ho jaata hai n we cnt control it?!

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Re: Fidelity’s going out of style like it’s 1999

relationships are something you work on every day of your life together, i think, it would help if both worked on it and made the success of the relationship their highest priority but sometimes that never is the case and tends to be one sided. having affairs when all is fine except for tiny things that can be fixed, is just :hinna: and very :frowning:

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

I don't work on being faithful because temptations become tempations only if you look for them. I work on my marriage in the way that I never take my spouse for granted. "Looking" elsewhere is neither an option for me nor a necessity.

So why do people cheat, and so much these days?
1. Because they think it's OK: lack of integrity
2. Because they are never content with what they have
3. Because it's easy: so many venues and available help

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

I would think for most people this is probably the reason.

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Re: Fidelity’s going out of style like it’s 1999

All the honour and integrity aside. A man who can stand by his woman for better or for worse, for years and years…is a real man :o I salute them :salute:

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

I agree.

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

I guess, my question is more about what happens after? Let's take the fairytale: Guy meets girl. Guy and girl love each other (either before or after they get married). Guy and girl get married. Guy and girl live happily ever after....or do they?

Life after marriage is not fairytales. Real life grabs you by the throat and with time the first bloom of love fades. Everyone accepts that love changes over time and little annoyances sometimes become big annoyances. So, it's more a question of how do you keep the love AND passion alive?

What I'm looking for is comments on what a non-desi friend once told me. He said that being unfaithful is actually easy. Despite the love one has for their partner, because there are tempations out there, to remain faithful is a conscious choice and an effort that each partner makes on a daily basis.

What say you to that?

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

Loyalty can not be worked into relationship. if someone is loyal, he/she will remain loyal no matter what.

Secondly, one has to work every day to honoring marital vows BUT in a way that you dont feel you working on it. If its looks like an everyday "task", then God help their relationship.

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

Yes temptations are out there but you attract what you are...this is what I believe in. See what I'm saying? Temptations don't just land in your lap.

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

sehrysh, if you're in a committed relationship and everything is fine, you know, no pain or abuse(physical, emotional, and verbal), then i can't imagine looking elsewhere. when a person is caged in an abusive marriage/relationship then i can see why they would want to break free from it but i just can't get myself to see why both people in the relationship can't try their hardest to keep each other happy and make their relationship the most important by caring and respecting each other.

you know sacrifice and do anything sexually, physically, emotionally, psychologically to make it work every day. It baffles me that there are those that would rather lose everything, just for an hour of temptation which will fade

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

I think it's how we are evolving as a society. In earlier days you were suppose to be married forever now people even question the existence of this institution. Along with that now majority of the people think that they will always have better options and apparently getting to these options is far much easier task then working on your current relationship.

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

Sehrysh, you asked if fairtytale type weddings stay that way...no. Marriage like all relationships need work. And it's all good.

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

In true relationship, love evolves and does not fades. Ways to show that you love and care changes.

While getting kisses chocolate pack & stuffy might be order of the day in initial days to express love, doing dishes or moping floor knowing that she is too tired to do it might be the way to express love after 10 years of marriage.

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

So let's spin the scenario. You have two types of adulterers - those who are serial adulterers who fit into your description of somene who is not loyal. And then you have those people who may have had a single affair and are remorseful about it. Are they the same in their ability/inability to be loyal? and if someone was unfaithful once, can he/she change their ways and learn loyalty?

But what if one or both partners is not emotionally satisfied? What if the affair is an emotional affair instead of a physical affair?

I guess we always take it for granted that coming from a Muslim and South Asian background, that we've got better morals than our Western counterparts. But the thaank jhaak and affairs are just as possible in our own community because as you say, unfortunately our morals are changing and what was once unacceptable, no longer has such taboos.

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Re: Fidelity's going out of style like it's 1999

I really don't believe that it has any thing to do with our religion or culture. We are human beings and we evolve some times for better some times for worse. One question what I want to ask is that whether your question is about marriage or about relationship? For me these are totally different scenarios with different reasons and implications