Siren, is your fiancé by any chance from Pakistan ( like born n brought up, living there currently) or recently immigrated?
If yes, then this is a common phenomenon. Tempe5t gave good advice.
OR
Yes he was born and raised in Pakistan! I had no idea about this being a common phenomenon. I guess it makes sense in a strange way. We have been discovering a lot of these types of cultural differences since our upbringing has been quite different. Thanks for bringing it up. It makes me feel a lot better :)
Funny you say that actually. I told him (jokingly) tht I was too shy to say stuff like that. He didn’t buy it for a minute. I’m really not the meek and timid type
Funny story, when he proposed, my response was "Fawwad bhai* (name changed for privacy) aap mazaak kar rahay Haen na" !! And he says "Aapko pata hae Mae aesa mazaak nahi karta" ... And that's true he was like the most sober person in the whole group. So much so that my friends who also knew him refused to believe that such a thing had happened and that I was just pulling their leg. That any other guy at our university could have said it except for him. They only believed it after he verified it.
You guys have such a a sweet story mashallah! I hope you're happy together!
we didn't really know each other until we met to talk about the rishta thing for the first time. I guess what freaked me out was just where all these emotions were coming from. I'd made my decision based on practical considerations and I thought he'd done the same. Don't get me wrong, I expected to love him eventually Just not right away. Like a lot of guppans here I've never believed in love at first sight. But like Sehar pointed out, it my be a cultural thing. Maybe "love" isn't perceived the same way it is in North America.
Thanks for your comments sweet, xtron, Annie and eastern.
This subject actually came up again yesterday. I'jokingly told him that I'm a "shareef and sharmeeli" girl, so he'll have to wait till after the wedding. That ofcourse got him started talking about the wedding night. But that's a whole different (though no less scary for me) story. Thanks everyone for all the advice and stories! :)
^He most likely had wedding night on his brains all along, hence the effusive expressions.
Haha. I think you may be right. He's been dropping hints and asking me what I've got planned for him. He keeps mentioning he wants a "surprise". I can't tell if he's kidding or not. 0_0
He seems a bit AnaaRi. But that is a plus for lots of women. ;)
With few visits falling in 'love' is kind of unusual especially for men who are 'notorious' to hold on to their emotions.
Hope you are giving him at least some clues verbally that you like him. Even if you do not want to say the word love.
Keep him interested and don't make him feel bad for saying he loves you.
Thanks for the lovely wishes! You're right and I am trying to keep him happy without compromising my own feelings. It just gets frustrating sometimes. I do really like him but sometimes I fear he might be a tad possessive and I'm way too used to doing my own thing all the time.
What do you mean by AnaaRi though?
Thanks for your comments sweet, xtron, Annie and eastern.
This subject actually came up again yesterday. I'jokingly told him that I'm a "shareef and sharmeeli" girl, so he'll have to wait till after the wedding. That ofcourse got him started talking about the wedding night. But that's a whole different (though no less scary for me) story. Thanks everyone for all the advice and stories! :)
ummm, wow! goodness you're his fiance, not wife... its quite inappropriate (read sinful) for muslims to be discussing these things.
Hi I am a Pakistani engaged guy getting married in december. And I can't help but comment on this thread, I am exactly like siren's fiance, and she is exactly like her.
I always wonder why she is not affectionate to me as I am to her :D ... After reading this thread letter by letter I got some insight. But still get depressed on the coldness.
ummm, wow! goodness you're his fiance, not wife... its quite inappropriate (read sinful) for muslims to be discussing these things.
wow. Insincere much? But thanks all the same :P
No, not insincere (nor am I jealous) but Pinks put it in a much better way.
Every couple has their boundaries (whether those boundaries are Islamic or cultural or not or whatever), but you clearly don't seem too comfortable with getting too emotional at this stage and he seems pretty clingy and repetitive ("keeps mentioning he wants a surprise").... you also said he seems a litlte possessive.
Hi I am a Pakistani engaged guy getting married in december. And I can't help but comment on this thread, I am exactly like siren's fiance, and she is exactly like her.
I always wonder why she is not affectionate to me as I am to her :D ... After reading this thread letter by letter I got some insight. But still get depressed on the coldness.
i can't speak to your situation exactly, but maybe we can help each other understand our future spouse's POV? Is yours an arranged match?
For the most part, guy and girls living abroad are exposed to relationships and what we perceived as "love"... Where as people living back home aren't. The relationships they see are, usually, secretive and either infatuation or obsession with wanting to be "normal" and be in a relationship.
Here, in the western world, we're taught that love is a sacred thing - To not go around just throwing the word around to any and everyone. Save it for that "special someone" and don't say it back just because someone said it to you (a.k.a. mean it when you say it). In Pak, it's sort of the same, but handled very lightly.. At least that's how I see it.
Guys and girls in Pak are quick to throw out "I love you" even if they really mean "I think I like you..." lol
Maybe he does really think he loves you, those are his feelings. But I agree with other, don't say it just because he's saying it, but don't give him the complete cold shoulder either. He is your fiance and In Sha Allah will be your hubsy boo some day :) Often times actions speak louder than words.
Here, in the western world, we're taught that love is a sacred thing - To not go around just throwing the word around to any and everyone. Save it for that "special someone" and don't say it back just because someone said it to you (a.k.a. mean it when you say it). In Pak, it's sort of the same, but handled very lightly.. At least that's how I see it.
Ps.. Keep it halal
:/ huh?
I'm not picking on your post, but for the sake of argument....in the West where promiscuity/premarital sex is not only rampant but lauded and encouraged....don't you think "I love you" is thrown around rather haphazardly in the West as well? People could say those three words and not mean them just to get laid. What about the divorce rate? Also, since going from one relationship to the next is also common in the West, could this not also lead to "I love you" being thrown about easily?
In Pakistan premarital relationships are discouraged and such interactions are only acceptable within the context of a marriage. Gray areas such as having a crush are not encouraged. With marriage being the end goal...a restrictive society....lack of relationship experience...all these factors lead one to attribute first-time butterflies/interactions/ relationships to being in love. So, since romance is only acceptable within a marriage and that it's the end goal...can it not be said that "I love you" is more sacred in Pakistan....that it's a bigger deal...that it's not treated lightly....especially if it comes with the sincere effort to make the relationship halal/jaiz? I do agree with you that the lack of experience due to religious and societal restrictions lends a naivete to the understanding of love. And naïveté leads one to be hasty in the judgment of their own feelings and that of the other person. But as for your saying that love is more "sacred" in the West .....yikes....I feel that's questionable.
