And I don’t know what to do! He wants me to say it back to him too.
To give you some context, I’m getting married Dec this year. It’s completely arranged but I’ve met him (not alone) a few times and we talk pretty regularly. I’ve come to see him as a friend but I feel like he’s miles ahead of me in the emotional attachment department. I usually brush it off, but I can tell he’s getting impatient. Should I lie and say I love him even though I don’t really feel that yet?
I’m so confused and I can’t talk about this to my friends and family because they have no idea we talk about this kind of stuff. It’s too embarrassing to tell them otherwise.
Op, you are going to spend your life with him, Am assuming at least you had a liking towards his being that is why you initially said yes to the rishta.
Don't lie, be honest but at the same time don't be too blunt cuz you might hurt him in the process. It's good that he is emotionally attached and gradually you will as well.
Give it time and enjoy this phase, it's not coming back again :) he's your soon to-be life partner & congratulation !! you wedding is just around the corner :)
And I don't know what to do! He wants me to say it back to him too.
To give you some context, I'm getting married Dec this year. It's completely arranged but I've met him (not alone) a few times and we talk pretty regularly. I've come to see him as a friend but I feel like he's miles ahead of me in the emotional attachment department. I usually brush it off, but I can tell he's getting impatient. Should I lie and say I love him even though I don't really feel that yet?
I'm so confused and I can't talk about this to my friends and family because they have no idea we talk about this kind of stuff. It's too embarrassing to tell them otherwise.
Ladies and laddies: I really need some advice!
Just wondering, why don't you feel like saying him back that you love him too??? Only if you feel like sharing here!!
Since you know your fiance better than us, what would happen if you told him the following response:
We don’t live together yet and I feel that living together provides both partners a better understanding of each other than distance. Therefore, I think that when “I love you” is said after a couple has been living together, it has more meaning/depth. (Could buy you and your developing feelings more time.)
^How would he react if you said that to him?
Oh and…i find it annoying that you’re being pressured to say it back. Makes me feel like…
Thanks shonali and moonlight. That’s good advice and that’s exactly how I’ve been handling it. I guess I just needed some validation so thanks for that
Its not that I don’t want to. It’s more that we don’t really know each other that well at this point and I just feel that the word “love” should be used only when you really mean it. Right now, I’m not sure what I feel for him and I don think he can really love me because he doesn’t know me. But he’s been saying it to me more and more frequently. And I know it should make me happy to hear it, but it just makes me panic. So every time he says it, I just end up giving an awkward “thank you” and then changing the subject. I really like him and I don’t want to hurt him.
That’s actually really smart. I did try a variation of that the first time he asked me when I was gonna say it back. Basically told him that I’d rather tell him in person (after marriage) and he was kinda upset but said he understood. He never asked me to say it back to him after that hut I feel like his expecting it.
Now he’s calling me beautiful all the time, telling me how much he loves me and talking about how much he can’t wait for the wedding. All this stuff just freaks me out but I don’t know how to tell him that without hurting his feelings. Should I just suck it up? I don’t want to spoil our relationship before it’s even started.
Siren, haha this is like déjà vu for me. My husband had this habit or maybe he really meant it back when we just started talking after our rishta was "fixed." I remember getting peeved by it because I didn't really like him that much at that point, but obviously didnt dislike him either. I would just ignore it or let him say it. It took time for me to really like him and feel like yes I'm in love and can say it back. Don't be mean about it, I guess some men just like to say it early on. Kindly say I like you a lot, but for me to say I love you, I would have to start living with you. Or something like that. Make it sweet I guess.
Fast forward I wish he could say I love you more often dammit! Grrr lol
My husband said it to me too before we were married and our relationship was not at a point where I felt that I was "in" love with him. But since he was the one who liked me first and sent the rishta I didn't necessarily feel like he was clingy or annoying, but just that I couldn't say it back. There was shyness mixed in there too. The first time he said it though I did feel awkward cuz there's no other good response to that. I just said "acha", and cuz it was like an I luv u Allah Hafiz kind of a thing I just said Allah Hafiz after that. Anyway, we did speak about it the next time, I can't remeber what I said but I didn't make any excuses, I told him that I liked talking to him but that I was not at that point yet. And he understood that and expected it from me (he was in the bhai category before, so that leap was going to take time). Funny story, when he proposed, my response was "Fawwad bhai* (name changed for privacy) aap mazaak kar rahay Haen na" !! And he says "Aapko pata hae Mae aesa mazaak nahi karta" ... And that's true he was like the most sober person in the whole group. So much so that my friends who also knew him refused to believe that such a thing had happened and that I was just pulling their leg. That any other guy at our university could have said it except for him. They only believed it after he verified it.
But I think just the whole idea that he liked me so much did make me fall in love with him at some point (by his words and other ways to show that he cared about me or paid attention to me). I think I said it back to him after 3-4 months. So that is a long time, hearing him say it everyday and me not saying it back. We used to kid about it though, like I'd say Mae itni araam say nahi lift karati or whatever and k mae aesay he nahi kisi Ko free karti. I think even after I'd decided I'll say it back now because I do feel that, I took another week, cuz I was too shy to say it back!
i think it's slightly inappropriate to constantly say "i love you" given your arranged situation. but everyone has their own boundaries, just tell him that you don't really say things like that easily/lightly but you'd be happy to say it once you're married. if he was a decent guy, he'd respect you for that.
Everyone is different. He sounds like an emotional person. But saying i love you irks me..truthfully!. Unless if i truly mean it. You see..whole point of relationship is to let things grow in relationship. I do not believe in love at first sight or whatever. A person needs to be realistic. Bahot imtehan se gozar ke prove hota hai pyar.
Siren, haha this is like déjà vu for me. My husband had this habit or maybe he really meant it back when we just started talking after our rishta was "fixed." I remember getting peeved by it because I didn't really like him that much at that point, but obviously didnt dislike him either. I would just ignore it or let him say it. It took time for me to really like him and feel like yes I'm in love and can say it back. Don't be mean about it, I guess some men just like to say it early on. Kindly say I like you a lot, but for me to say I love you, I would have to start living with you. Or something like that. Make it sweet I guess.
Fast forward I wish he could say I love you more often dammit! Grrr lol
Haha yea I feel kind of ungrateful complaining about this. I mean who doesn't dream of a husband who loves you? I ve begun to like his romanticisms and his "I love you"s and now I feel a bit selfish because I can't bring myself to say it back to him. Part of it is that Ive always found romantic talk to be a bit corny and can't really say it with a straight face :P
