females and job after shaadi/kids

Lifestyle Relationships
41

I strongly feel that your children are you life time investment. If you give up on some extra income for the sake of raising good disciplined children, then that's the best thing you'll ever do for them. It's ok if they don't wear clothes from Gap or any other brand name. As long as their mother is around during early years and they are getting the best care (which can only be provided by a mother, not a nanny) then they are getting more than money can buy them!

Don't you see those spoil kids all the time who can get whatever they want and they still have no respect for their parents cause no one was around to teach them respect?

42

its’ SARA…no H :blush:

43

worry not, i aint offended! :smack:

and fatalist bhai, problem mujhay koi nahi, aur agar hai bhi toa why is anyone bothered. u seem to be getting quite amused becoz of it.

44

Well............. my experience tells me that a woman who tries to juggle between a career oriented job and a family/kids life, she is neither fair to the job nor to her babies.

I have suffered from one of these females in my career. She was too busy to pay attention to what was going on in her section and had no time or attention towards her subordinates when it was very important. It is not fair if you have juniors to take care of, to guide them, to help them out in hectic time. There is alot of dedication required in such jobs. It is impossible to pay attention to two major things at the same time. Either one of them would suffer majorly (if you are honest to one) or both would be handicapped (As was the case with this lady I am referring to).

45

thanks for the replies everyone

GHULAIL alaaMaat barQarar rahayn toh doctor se ruju karein...aap ko aise doray roz parTay haen yaan siraf kabhee kabhee? :D

46

nice advice :d: never thot of it like that :eek: :d:

47

My viewpoint is pretty simple. To provide the best opportunities for one's children costs money, and to get that these days due to inflation requires 2-parent income.

One of the critical requirement which I have for a wife is that she must be a professional, preferably with a career at a Fortune 500 company.

My children's future will not be gambled on whether or not they get scholarships, I intend to inshallah have the financial resources to put them through the best education the world has to offer.

The key benchmark I have is that I must have enough money to put all of my children, sons & daughters, through quality private school education and I must also have the financial resources to ensure that I can pay in full for their tuition, accomodation & living costs at Ivy League universities.

48

^ I'll call you in 20 years to see how all that's going.

49

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by mAd_ScIeNtIsT: *
My viewpoint is pretty simple. To provide the best opportunities for one's children costs money, and to get that these days due to inflation requires 2-parent income.

One of the critical requirement which I have for a wife is that she must be a professional, preferably with a career at a Fortune 500 company.

My children's future will not be gambled on whether or not they get scholarships, I intend to inshallah have the financial resources to put them through the best education the world has to offer.

The key benchmark I have is that I must have enough money to put all of my children, sons & daughters, through quality private school education and I must also have the financial resources to ensure that I can pay in full for their tuition, accomodation & living costs at Ivy League universities.
[/QUOTE]

hmmm

although i disagree with the way you approach this issue i can see where you are coming from MS but if your wife has a career at a Fortune 500 company she might not be able to give the kind of time to your kids and to your home that she might be able to if she is a house wife or doing something minor like a small business on the side or a teaching job or something less time intensive. kids do need money for the things you mentioned but they also need physical care and attention. both of these are important for a balanced upbringing. i think the latter wont be possible if both parents are away on jobs for the majority of the day. if they are healthy individuals, they have a more positive outlook towards life, can work harder. kids from poor families and public schools end up in ivy leagues as well. they work hard and get scholarships. you don't have to be rich to give your kids a good education. plus perhaps if the environment in your home is really good as a result of your wife putting time and effort into it, you might get the motivation to quit a job and start your own business and make lots of money.
what if, hypothetical scenario, b/c of both parents earning and spending the whole day away, the kids, becuse they didnt get proper upbringing, end up with bad habits and then dont even make it to college. ive seen this happen.
i think life is not so predictable but if you stick to a less materialistic route and be hopeful, Allah swt also has a role to play in making your wishes come true.

50

if i ever get a fortune500 wife, ill just retire early.

edit:madsci, what r u gonna do if after marriage the company drops out of the fortune500 league. Are u gonna divorce her and get a new fortune500 wife? which is cool cuz us men can amrry 4 times and the first time doesnt even count

51

^^There are no restrictions on how many times a women can marry if she gets divorce as well, nah.

52

irem,how do you assume that mothers who work outside raise "bad" kids? You have statistics to support your theory? I mean if a kid has to go bad, there are a million other ways, gosh what kinda kids are we talking about? The ones with no other influences other than parents, those who live under their mother's pallu 24/7, If you think about it, a kid goes to school for almost 5 to 6 hours, plays outside or socializes for say 3 to 4 hours, studies 2 to 3 hours(assignments and stuff), watches TV 1 to 2 hours, surfs net for 1 to 2 hours, sleeps 8 to 9 hours. Exactly how much time does a kid spend with the parents nowadays? Unless we are talking about kids who live under rocks, a mother staying at home can't make much of a difference than a mother working. Sure parents are a big part of a child's development, but it's not the quantity it's the quality of time, just coz you sit on your ass under the pretext of "raising good kids" doesn't guarantee you good kids, communication is the key, if you keep talkign to the kids, be their friend(wheneevr needed) and try to spend quality time with them, you are doing your part of raising them right.

And as for the people who say it's coz they wanna maintain a certain lifestyle, I stand behind them 100%, Do you even know what are the fees in ivy league schools or even moderately good schools? And say at a rate of 5% hike per year, what you think the fees are gonna be when yer kid is ready to go to college? And it's just not tuition fees, take into account the accomodation, food, partying etc. You can't be a 100% sure about the scholarships or financial aids, you gotta be prepared for the worst-case. And some people want to put their kids in private school instead of public schools, they want them dressed in baby gap and not wal-mart crap, can you blame them! Wanting better life for the kids and yourself is not a bad thing Irem.

And pls!! What's with people bringing up tuting at home and boutiques at home, GOD! Why put a woman through that misery and waste the 16 to 20 years of education she has gotten?

53

I think that, those who like to stay at home, should stay at home and those who like to work, should work.

There is not one way right way, everyone has another way of seeing things.

Sometimes in situations, makes us do things that we dont want or like, but in the end, its an individual choice.

54

lussi good luck to u bohot naik iraday lagtay hayn :hoonh:

CB i’m talking abt the age when kids are at home. and even afterwards until they r atleast in junior school. this is the time for their tarbeeyat which i think is the mother’s job, and she has to be there for it physically.

Saadia baji abhee toh u dont thave kids but when u do [inshallah] then would u want to leave them at home with a nanny while u go and work?

55

Irem, why do you think that I would prefere work over kids, I didnt write anywhere, that I would prefere to work when I have kids. Nor did I write that I will be a 24/7 mom/wife.

56

nai mein ne ye nai kaha Saadia baji i was asking u that question since thats what my thread is about: working long job hours where you are away for the majority of the day, after having kids.

57

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
irem,how do you assume that mothers who work outside raise "bad" kids? You have statistics to support your theory? I mean if a kid has to go bad, there are a million other ways, gosh what kinda kids are we talking about? The ones with no other influences other than parents, those who live under their mother's pallu 24/7, If you think about it, a kid goes to school for almost 5 to 6 hours, plays outside or socializes for say 3 to 4 hours, studies 2 to 3 hours(assignments and stuff), watches TV 1 to 2 hours, surfs net for 1 to 2 hours, sleeps 8 to 9 hours. Exactly how much time does a kid spend with the parents nowadays? Unless we are talking about kids who live under rocks, a mother staying at home can't make much of a difference than a mother working. Sure parents are a big part of a child's development, but it's not the quantity it's the quality of time, just coz you sit on your ass under the pretext of "raising good kids" doesn't guarantee you good kids, communication is the key, if you keep talkign to the kids, be their friend(wheneevr needed) and try to spend quality time with them, you are doing your part of raising them right.

And as for the people who say it's coz they wanna maintain a certain lifestyle, I stand behind them 100%, Do you even know what are the fees in ivy league schools or even moderately good schools? And say at a rate of 5% hike per year, what you think the fees are gonna be when yer kid is ready to go to college? And it's just not tuition fees, take into account the accomodation, food, partying etc. You can't be a 100% sure about the scholarships or financial aids, you gotta be prepared for the worst-case. And some people want to put their kids in private school instead of public schools, they want them dressed in baby gap and not wal-mart crap, can you blame them! Wanting better life for the kids and yourself is not a bad thing Irem.

And pls!! What's with people bringing up tuting at home and boutiques at home, GOD! Why put a woman through that misery and waste the 16 to 20 years of education she has gotten?
[/QUOTE]

Even though I agree with you Irem on this, that I dont' want to work when i have young kids, CB does have a good point. I don't want to get into details but my parents were very strict, adn very traditional, and I did almost everything I could to rebel against it. The more restrictions they put upon me, the worse I got. Now, I have all this freedom to do whatever (within reason), I could have a boyfriend and see him/talk to him whenever I wanted to, but I dont' do none of those things. Being a working mom doesn't screw up the kids, there are millions of factors at work if the kid should get screwed up.

58

Perhaps I should not say anything on this topic simply because I do not have children myself yet. But I just feel after reading everyones posts that there seems to be no mention of the fathers role...

Yes I agree child rearing has primarily been a womens role in our society...but dont you think this should change. I was raised by both my parents, my mother was a stay at home mom and my dad was the bread winner.. But my father was really active in my life, always at my games, recitals, performances, spending time with us each night. I think his involvement and dedication to us kids allowed my mom to have some breathing room and to pursue some of her own interests.....whether that be her volunteer work, quran classes, her oil painting...

Ok dont jump down my throat ( I am a new poster here!!) but I think I benefited from my mom leading a life where she had time for us and time for herself. She did not work but she definately spent time where she developed who she was and did things only she enjoyed doing. Ask my mom anytime if she would change anything in her life and she will always tell you NEVER, she loved spending her life raising us...but she has always encouraged us girls to carve out some time in our lives for us..Perhaps for some that is work....for some it is art.....for some it is something else... The point is a life outside of the family home and life is not a bad thing. She always says that it helps you be a better parent and be more 'ACTIVE' as a parent...becuase the time apart sometimes helps you to rejuvenate yourself...

I know tons of couples who work because they want to...they want to have a family life but they also want to have a part of their life that is seperate.. If your husband is supportive and really involved in the family life.. I do believe that those kids can still turn out great....

I dont think its important the AMOUNT of time you spend with your kids but rather the quality of the time spent..

just my thoughts...sorry its so long!!!

59

My sister has 3 kids, ages, 6,4, and 2..and she works Full-time, and so does my brother-in-law..both are PM's at their jobs and alhumdolilah they do well for themselves.. Even though she works, she wants to stay home..unfortunately my bro-in-law is greedy and says they need the money..so she works..To her it makes a big difference to be home when the kids come home from school..teaching them to read/write/read Quran pak...teaching them urdu, etc..at an early age..it makes a big difference as compared to sending them to some after school program, or day care..luckily our mother lives nearby, so she looks after them while she is at work