females and job after shaadi/kids

Lifestyle Relationships
1

salams

i know this topic has been discussed before..but anyways

i was wondering what u guppies think abt females working when their kids are young, that is till the age they are a bit mature and go to school

there are two scenarios…where the husband and wife live alone by themselves or where they live in a joint family setup [with husband’s parent(s)]

there are guys that prefer that their wives stay at home and take care of the kids and the house…some allow their wives to work if they still insist, some dont allow it… guppie feminists might jump at me but it is the truth that Islamically according to shariah a female cannot do a job if she doesnt have permission from her husband

some guys and girls these days have the opinion that the wives should work even after having kids b/c they need to maintain a certain financial level and lifestyle for bringing up the kids well…if they r not living in a joint family setup and grandmother is not around they dont mind leaving the kids in the care of a nanny even for this purpose…

my question is: isnt this being materialistic…? unless they are facing some extreme financial condition (husband is sick and unable to work and bring any money into the house) what kind of a father would want to leave his child in the care of a nanny and prefer that his wife works instead to maintain the financial level of the household and what kind of a mother would be okay with leaving her child with a nanny while she earns…coz the kind of care a mother can give to the child no one can…

abt females…some want to work because they want to utilise their education for financial gain and dont want to decay, it freshens them up to go out and work and do something on the side, some want to go very high in their careers…being a female myself i can completely understand and at some level relate to these factors…i mean yeah going to work does make your life more interesting than sitting at home doing nothing coz atleast u keep busy and meet ppl…and also when u work hard all ur life towards ur education and get a professional degree a part of u does want to follow that track and excel career wise..however i think Allah swt made a system that the foremost role of the female is to be a caretaker for the family and its the role of the man to provide for the family…these are the natural roles for both genders and at the end of the day they will also be happiest if they fulfil these well…she should be happy in how much he can provide and both should be happy with their financial level…

for the same reason im not in favor of situations where the husband moves to another city or country for a better job…i mean i think its more important for the kids that the family stays together even if the father is not earning a lot

this whole thing about “maintaining a financial level” and “leading a certain lifestyle” …i think these are very materialistic thoughts…isnt it more important for the child to have the direct care of his mother than go to a more posh school or wear more expensive clothes?

another thing to see is we have the example of our Prophet (saw) who was not raised by his mother…he was infact raised by a nanny…dai Halima..and his mother bibi Amna passed away when he was very young..

then there r some jobs for females that r not that hectic,like teaching or working from home type of jobs…but most professional jobs are 9-5 deals and quite draining

i know at the end of the day the couple needs to talk the issue out and compromise on it…if the husband or wife wants a certain material level for the child then the other person has to compromise and they both need to reach some middle ground..

but..

i dont know..i dont feel comfortable with the idea of the mother working for the sake of money when the husband is already earning and the child being taken care of by a nanny…i find this a really materialistic approach…i dono :confused:

2

"i know at the end of the day the couple needs to talk the issue out and compromise on it...if the husband or wife wants a certain material level for the child then the other person has to compromise and they both need to reach some middle ground..

but..

i dont know..i dont feel comfortable with the idea of the mother working for the sake of money when the husband is already earning and the child being taken care of by a nanny...i find this a really materialistic approach...i dono"

this is all u needed, why'd u write a huge essay

3

Raising one's children (if done properly and successfully) is a much more demanding, fulfilling and rewarding job than any other job a woman can get "outside".

It all comes down to priorities.

4

and to think i actually deleted a couple paragraphs from my original post coz i thought they were redundant and repetitive :hehe:

skhan i agree
besides its not jus abt her fulfilment, i think its her duty and if she doesnt give that care and time to her kids, her kids will definitely lack something in their personalities
same goes for the guy being the father he also needs to spend time with his kids i think

5

Just for the sake of being devil’s advocate…let me ask you this..
Did you go to an Ivy league school to end up raising kids? Do you think a guy would have been a better choice for the seat you occupied for four years?

6

Fayz my alma mater wasnt an ivy league :stuck_out_tongue:

well u try to fulfil each role of life at its fullest and at the time that i was a student i tried my best to focus myself on my studies and do well on that…after shaadi when one has kids their focus in life changes

kaafi simple see baat hae :hoonh:

7

well, ideally i would love to see women stay at home n take care of their kids themselves ....but it really depends on individuals

i'm a parent ....n i do sometimes wonder how on earth women can have a creer n raise the children at the same time ....while i , being a stay-at-home find parenting , much more than just demanding

specially the early years ,....when you r setting the foundation ....!!
Alhamdulillah ...my kids r doing fine so far in every respect .....n isurely feel i'm blessed ....but i really doubt it would've been the same ...if i were a creer woman

8

In my opinion I think women should stay at home with the child for its first few years at least, preferably until they start school, but lifes not that simple and sometimes they may have to work. So it depends, but theres a difference between wanting to work and having to work.

One thing though I would definately be against leaving them with a nanny, Id much rather leave them with their grandparents or any other relatives.

9

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by M: *
In my opinion I think women should stay at home with the child for its first few years at least, preferably until they start school, but lifes not that simple and sometimes they may have to work. So it depends, but theres a difference between wanting to work and having to work.

One thing though I would definately be against leaving them with a nanny, Id much rather leave them with their grandparents or any other relatives.
[/QUOTE]

I agree.

Personally , I would want to work - that is once the kids are over five or something.I dont think I could leave them before then, no matter how badly I felt like getting back to work.

10

It depends on the kind of work she is doing. If it's a degree-less job then it is easy to quit for a few years while the children are pre-school age. But it is really difficult for a woman whose job is career oriented. She would always get jitters thinking of taking a hiatus from the industry for that many years. I know it's not impossible and many women do sacrifice their careers over raising children. But then there are some Xena Warrior Princess who think they can juggle between the two roles provided the hubby is supportive.

So, in a nutshell it all depends on how cooperative the two are with eachother. Do they really care and love each other to let the other person pursue his/her goals in life by sacrificing a bit.

11

^ i dunno but most of this, i’ll rater stay at home and raise angelic kids, comes from women who really haven’t got a high-paying profession as such. ask a woman who is an accountant or banker, if she’ll leave her job after marriage and kids, and she’ll give a very diff answer. with low-paid doctors and teachers and techies, its still justifiable.
its hard to give up real money and the associated lifestyle and social circles, if u are really a top-brass career woman. and the word for it isn’t just materialistics non-materialistic, and its not all about prioriites either. its what u were to begin with, that determines if u’ll continue or not. for low-paid women, it is a raw deal, since there is barely any lifestyle associated with being a teacher in a school. ghar may baith kay tuitions hi dayloa, tho in that case, u wont be a carrer woman any longer. just plain working woman in need :devil:
realise how the the idea degrades with the kind of job it is?

12

You obviously dont know much about teaching.

13

^aaha aag lagi. what lifestyle imporvement can u do with yr measly salary?

14

i dunno about this, if i put in 8yrs of studying im sure as hell gonna work. Aww and dress my kids up in burberry..but baby gap is the cutest

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[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ghuLail: *
^aaha aag lagi. what lifestyle imporvement can u do with yr measly salary?
[/QUOTE]

I can mold the child into the kind of a person he/she will become. Isse zaida kia chuhye mujhe? Without teachers you wouldnt have any other careers.:o Salary ceases to matter- esp if your parents have done well.:p

16

^^ lagi rahoa lagi rahoa. yehi toa keh rahain hain hum, paisa milya na milay :rotfl:

17

Come to think of it, your English needs some polishing.

18

^ at the end of the day, yr polished english isn't taking u very far is it?

19

so far its gotten me everywhere I wanted to go. Ubb thread ki sateya naas mut karo.

20

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by ghuLail: *
^aaha aag lagi. what lifestyle imporvement can u do with yr measly salary?
[/QUOTE]

Are u taking the piss??????????