Feeling Tense and disturb today!

Lifestyle Relationships
141

Disturb Angel

Khuda k liye..............apnay Papa ki baat maano. Your father is a man and he understands how other men like your Fiance think! Don't listen to your mother, don't listen to your sister.........listen to your DAD. Khuda k liye listen to your dad. Aik aadmi ko doosray aadmi ki ziyada samajh hoti hai. Men understand men. And your father understands this guy very well, please listen to him.

Tumhay apnay aap par sharam nahin aati kya? Tumhari apni aqal nahin kaam kar rahi? Aisa lagta hai jaisay tum bheek maang rahi ho.....k woh tum se shaadi karay. Sharam ki baat hai, seriously. Tumhari jagah koi aur larki hoti........to kab tak ka ussay chor diya hota. Kabhi to mujhay lagta hai jasiay yeh poora thread aik mazaak hai. Mujhay yaqeen nahin hota k koi educated larki inti kamzor aur itni bewakoof ho sakti hai.

Read these points below carefully:

1) Your fiance said, "tum bhi har larki ki tarha ho".........that most likely means that tum se pehlay us ki zindagi main aur bhi larkiyan thi.....aur us ne un larkiyon k saath bhi yehi salook kiya hoga. Aur un larkiyon ne ussay reject kardiya hoga. Kyun k woh larkiyan smart thi. Un larkiyon ko andaaza ho gaya tha......k yeh larka nahi badlay ga.

2) Tumharay fiance ne kaha ke** "tum hoti kaun ho jo mujhay keh rahi ho k tum meray parents ki care nahin karsakti". Dekho.......abhi to tum us ki biwi bhi nahin bani.....tum fiance ho........aur Islam ki nazar main tum dono **ghair mahram ho aur aik ghair mahram larka kisi ghair mahram larki ko iss tarha se hukm nahin day sakta jaisa k woh uska husband ho. Abhi tak to shadi bhi nahi hui.....abhi to nikkah bhi nahi hua......us ka tum par koi haq nahin hai! Agar ussay apnay parents ki itni hi fikar hai......to un ko Dubai kyoon nahi lay kar gaya? Agar ussay apnay paretns ki itni fikar hai......to un k liye achay se servants kyoon nahi rakhay. Agar ussay parents ki itni hi fikar hai...to Pakistan main baith kar job karni chahiye thi.

3) Dekho, DA.....meri aik cousin hai jis k husband dubai main rehta hai. Meri cousin apnay in-laws k saath Pakistan rehti hai. Us k do bachay hai. It has been more than 10 years now.....aur woh abhi tak ussay Dubai settle honay k liye nahin lay kar gaya. Her life is hard. Isi liye to main tum se keh rahi hoon k koi 100% bharosa nahin hai k woh tumhay apnay saath Dubai lay kar jaaye ga. Jab k us ne kaha hai ka "tum hoti kaun ho mujh se kehnay wali k tum meray parents ki care nahin karo gi"...........is baat se us ki NIYAT saaf zahir hoti hai. Us ki NUMBER ONE PRIORITY yeh hai k tum us k parents ki care karo. Aur abhi to tum us ki biwi bhi nahin bani...........aur woh tum se yeh DEMAND kar raha hai, hukm day raha hai. Apni aankhain kholo. **Allah **ka shukr karo k tumhay abhi se us ki nature ka pata chal gaya hai.

4) Tumharay fiance ne kaha ke yeh Europe nahin hai. Main tumhay samjha doo k tum yeh mat socho k America aur Europe ki sari larkiya bahut modern aur free hain. Idhar aisi bahut larkiya hain jo k Pakistani larkiyon se bhi ziyada shareef hain. Tumharay fiance main woh sharafat bilkul bhi nahin hai. Koi bhi larka chahay woh Pakistan ka rehnay wala ho, ya Dubai ka, ya Euprope ka.........shadi se pehlay iss tarha kisi larki par control nahin jamaye ga.

5) Tumhara fiance tumhay saara ilzaam day raha hai. Agar tum dono ki relationship weak hai........to iss main saara kasoor us ka hai.....tumhara nahin. Zahir hai jab k woh aur us ki ammi tameez se baat bhi nahin kar saktay....to relationship weak hi ho gi. Kisi aur ki taraf ungli uthana aur ilzam daina bahut aasaan hai....lekin apnay aap ko sudharna bahut mushkil kaam hai. Yeh baat tumhary fiance k samajh main nahin aaye gi.

6) Tumharay fiance ne tum se poocha k jo larkiyan tumhay ye mashwara day rahi hain un se jaa kar kaho k woh apnay fiance se iss tarha se behave karain. Main tumhay aik baat batadoon k agar mera fiance mujh se iss tarha se behave karta.....to main rishta khatam kar deti. Meray parents ne mujhay sikhaya hai k larki ki apnay susraal main izzat honi chahiye. Aur agar woh log us ki izzat nahin kar saktay.......to us ghar main us ki shadi nahin honi chahiye. Tumhay apnay fiance se poochna chahiye k us ne apni yeh badtameezi kis se seekhi hai....apnay yaaron se ya apni Amma se.

7) Bajaye yeh k woh tumhay saara ilzaam day......us ko apnay behavior ke baaray main sochna chahiye. Ussay basic tameez bhi nahi aati. Jo parents apnay baitay ko tameez bhin nahin sikha paye k larki se kis tarha se baat karni chahiye........un parents k ghar main tum settle hona chahti ho?

8) Tumharya fiance ne kaha hai k tumhari izzat us ki aankhon main kam ho chuki hai. Yeh larka bahut smart hai. Iss ko pata hai k tum ko kis tarha se control karna chahiye. Izzat ka matlab hai "respect". ** And respect is earned**. Banday ko tab respect milti hai....jab woh aap ki bhi respect karta hai. Jo aap ki respect nahin karta, aap us ki respect kaisay kar saktay ho? Yeh to bahut simple si baat hai. Jo larka kisi larki ki resepect nahin kar sakta......woh kaun hota hai tumhay resepct k lecture dainay wala........jis ko khud izzat, tameez, aur respect ka nata pata ho. Jis ki AMMA ne kabhi na sikhaya ho k izzat aur tameez kya cheez hoti hai.

9) Tum baar baar kehti ho "main kia karoon" "main idhar HELP k liye aayi hoon" "Mujhay Gupshup par aik sister ki help chahiye". UFF!!!!!!!!!! Hamaray help karnay k kya faiday jab k tum hamari advice sun na nahin chahti. You don't listen to us. Assal main tum yeh chahti ho k hum tum se yeh kahain k tumhara fiance bahut acha hai, tum se bahut pyar karta hai, aur tum us k saath khush raho gi, aur tum us se shadi karlo. Yakeen jaano.....agar tumhara fiance aik normal aur acha aur respect karnay wala banda hota.......to hum sab *100 dafa **kehtay k tum zaroor us k saath shadi karo. Lekin woh aisa nahin hai. Isi liye to hum keh rahain hain k us se shaadi mat karo. Lekin tum yeh nahin sun na chahti. To help KYOON MAANG RAHI HO?????????? Jab k tum ne hamaray mashwaray par amal hi nahin karna????????? Kyoon apna aur hamara time zaya kar rahi ho??????????????? Jao us se shadi kar k us ki servant bano. Tumh SUCH sun ne se darti ho. Tum chahti ho k hum tum ko jhooti tasalli dain. Lekin SUCH ko sun na aur us par amal karnay main bahut himmat chahiye. Aur tum main woh himmat nahin hai. Tum bahut kamzor ho.......aur sab se disturbing baat to yeh hai...................k tum apni izzat nahin karti. Apnay fiance se KUM tum apni izzat karti ho.
*
Did you ask your father to talk to your fiance? ** How many times have we told you that? But I'm sure that you did not listen to us. Listen, silly little girl, get your father to talk to him on the phone instead of running around like a chicken with its head chopped off.

142

Kinzz, tum baar baar keh rahi ho k rishta torne ka nahin hum keh rahay. In my opinion it's better if you don't say that. Almost everybody here is telling her to cancel the rishta. Is rishtay main rakha hi kya hai? She did all the communication steps to save this rishta....lekin her fiance doesn't have any basic tameez for her. Please....this rishta needs to be cancelled.

And if she doesn't not want to cancel it......then she needs to get her FATHER to talk to her stupid fiance. We have told her that many times but she is one immature girl.......and she's not ready to get married. Her father needs to talk to her fiance.

143

Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!

RV wo khud kehti hai ke "mujse yeh rishta nahi toura jata"...isliye usay samjhane ke liye kaha ke dekho pehley agar cheezen theek hoti hain to theek hai warna tour doo..i meant ke hum direct nahi keh rahe hain...agar iske papa ki bat man leta hai to wo theek hai phir kia problem hai....

aur yeh pagal larki samjhti hai yeh duniya ki pehley larki hai jiski mangni toote gi ??? ya yeh reh nahi paye gi ??yeh sab qisey kahaniyo mai acha lagta hai...yaqeen karo kuch arse bad sab normal ho jata hai...kabhi kisi ko kisi ki juddae mai marte dekha??? jitne log bhi shadi shuda hain unse pucho kia unho ne pehley kisi se piyar nahi kia tha ???

aur about shopping from dubai...yeh cheezen hamesha kam nahi ati jese Mabrook ne kaha ke bad yeh cheezen tumhare ansoo nahi saff kare gi...aur tum khud batao 2 piyar bhari baton ya aik sweet aur sache dil se kahe howe " i love u " ke samne duniya ki kisi bhi qeemiti cheez ki koi value rehti hai??nahi na ???
ab khud socho jo hum itne dino se keh rahe hain...tumhare father ne bhi wohi kaha....i think unhe lagta hai ke balke buhat achi tarha lagta hai ke wo log sudharne wale nahi....isliyye RV sahi keh rhi hai ke hamari na sahi apne father ki bat hi man lo...

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Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!

aur haan** D A** tumhare finace ne hi kaha tha na ke No compromise for Good cooking??kal ko wo kisi bhi bat pe yeh keh sakta hai...tum usay nahi badal sakti...aur agar zabardasti se ya kisi se keh sun ke wo thora sa badal bhi gaya to wo jusy time being hoga aur uske bad phir se wesa....

tum aik perhee likhii larki ho...koi gaon ki unperh jahil nahi ke tum chup chap sare compromise karo...Kisi bhi shadi shuda couple se puchoo ke kia dono mai se kisi aik ko compromise karna parta hai ya dono ko ??? kahi aur nahi to yahan GS pe hi puch lo kisi se...aur kitna jhukoo gi tum??
chahe tumhari shadi tumhare is fiance se ho ya kisi aur se aik bat yad rakhna jo RV 1000 times repeat kar chuki hai ke " apni izat khud karwao larki "..tum aik bar jhuko gi wo log tumhe her bar jhukaye ge...

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Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!

RV...wo keh rahi hai ke usne apne papa se bat ki hai aur unho ne kaha hai ke rishta break karo aur koi option nhi...i think wo unhe achi tarha samjh chuke hain ke wo nahi sudharne wale...

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I can understand your feelings and emotions ....
I wish to do something really nice for you .... to make you laugh and free of all tension .... and also with better option ... better than that selfish man ....... I am really getting angry with the selfish behavior of that man .....

147

Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!

I am feeling its a nice forum ..... D A problem is not the problem of a single girl in Pakistan .... but I believe in doing something of real worth ..... D A is a well educated girl ... In my opinion a best solution is that a smart and handsome boy living in a foreign country preferebly engineer should marry her and immediately give relief her from tension and bad feelings ....

Gay/lesbian friends
148

Hmmmm...........Iftikhar Bhai..........aisa koi larka hai zehn main? If you do, then recommend a nice guy for Disturb_Angel. It might save her life from complete barbaadi.

**
Disturb_Angel**.........abhi tak to hum larkiyan tumhay advise kar rahi thi. Ab to aik larka (Iftikhar) bhi yeh hi soch tha hai.......k tumhara fiance is the most stupidest, disrespectful, worthless pig in the world. Is thread main soooooooo many people don't like your fiance. Even your father doesn't like your fiance. Tum aisay banday se kaisay shadi kar sakti ho.........jis ko itany saaaray log nahin pasand kartay??????????? Tum ne to khud bhi kaha tha k kabhi kabar tum bhi us se nafrat karti ho. Is larkay se to sirf us ki AMMA hi pyar kar sakti hai. Look, honey, NOBODY ON GUPSHUP LIKES YOUR FIANCE. YOU FATHER DOESN"T LIKE HIM. How can you marry someone that so many people don't like?

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Yes I think k feelings bohot important hoteen hain ..... mera dill waqaii main dukha tha .... D A aaik achi laki feel hui mujhay .... aur iss tarhan bilawaja wo DA ko kion upset kar raha hai .... usko DA ki respect karna chahiyae ...piar ki kuch values hoti hain .....

Aap nai poocha k koi hai .... mujhay sirf yae surity chahiyae k kucch bhi fake nahi too I am in reality want to do something ... takay aaik achi example create hoo...
but you know sometimes people wrote fake stories ... bus yahi baat darati hai

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Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!

^ nahi iftkhar bhae itni serious situation apko fake lag rahi hai??? itni lambi lambi posts likhne ke siwa kia hume aur koi kam nahi???

she is serious and she really want some solution for her problem..

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hunnn ... real solution to infact DA kay parents say baat kar kay hi nikal sakta hai ... what you think sister .....?

fake issliyae kaha k I didnt talked with DA and all posts bhii nahi read keen .... fake wali baat aaik loose statement theee .... just of somany alike incident ..... real feelings na hoteen too main kabhi post na karta ....

aapko pata hai k .... sirf words reading main sub batoon ka khiyaal rukhna chahiyae ... middle way adopt kia main nai ....
honestly my heart says DA is in real tension ....

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iftikhar Bhai,

DA has talked to her father. And her father is saying to break the rishta. Lekin DA nahin maan rahi. Us ki aankhain band hain. She doesn't realize that yeh larka us ki koi respect nahin karta. She's "blindly in love". Aur DA khud bhi apni respect nahin karti. She's not even listening to her father's advice. I think that her father maybe is not strong enough.

153

D.A Angel i just read your whole thread.

This is really awkward that your fiance....' who claims to love you very much', wants you to stay distant form him with his mum after marriage?

What is this?

I mean what is the point of him marrying you, if hes not going to live with you?
And especially in the first years of marriage when the romance is meant to be high...

And how long can a man resist need of his wife?

I hope he dosnt plan any other lady as time-pass in dubai while ur with his mum?>>>

Its obvious hes brianwshed by his mums thinking/posesivness.

I read what he said to u earlier in the fone call, and that you should not call his mum 'ammi'.
I think you should convey all your feelins the kind you are telling us lot, seriously but very politly and respectfully to him. Its good and healthy to be honest.

You should atleast check up islamically what your rights are over him as a wife. Then assert those aspects to him with confidence.

Tell him hnnestly that you may not be right, but still have such and such feelins. Tell him that you are just not happy with the fact you cant stay with the person you married and love so much.

Convey to him, diplomatically, that if your MIL has needs for looking after/carer or servant then in pakistan you can get such girls nowdays very cheaply so why cant you hire a 'nokarani'or 'maid' instead. And to be even more polite tell him, that you or your family are willing to incure the expense of the 'maid', if that can be the problem.

You have to speak to him what your feelin and desires of marriage also are, but in a polite, tact-ful and respectful manner so he doesnt get more put off.

Politely enforce to him that its not only you who must comprimise/sacrifice be patient in marriage but Islamically, you as his wife also have some rights and expectations from him which he should address the same way you are expected too.

From the outlook this guy obviiysly seems like a jerk, but it could be possible his attitude is the result of brainwashing and misunderstandings created from his family, and maybe hes has other stress or pressures on his head.

So I think you really should atleast improve the method of communication with him and your in-laws, to increase your chances.

Sometimes even saying the right thing but in a poor way can miss the target.

And one thing he shud understand it is very awkward of wife and husband living separate after marriage. You r certainly not right in this issue.

Also heres a god tact-tic, to check if your MIL has been back-biting things abut you brainwashing him, ask him again respectfully though, that if you have done anything to upset or disrespect your MIL, and that if you have done anything in unawareness your sorry of.
Then hopfully, if your MIL has been bull.sh..ting then he may spillout some things. And if you notice things you havnt said or done, then baby you have hit the bullsye you know why he is upset wit u and you can tell him the truths that you nevr did those things.
Or if does reveal somthing u indeed said upsetting then discuss that through with him.

Also Tell him if he thinks you friend tell u this stuff, and if his ideology is correct that how many couples live like this after marriage?

Convey to him, that you only want to be with him and hiis love in dubai, you dont intend to not will be of any burden to him, convey to him you wont ask for more than 2 meals daily and a matress to sleep on to live with him.

IMPROVE YOUR COMMINUCATION AND DIP,OMACY SKILLS GIRL

OR GET YOUR PARENTS TO TALK TO HIM/HIS FAMILY WITH ECAH ONE OF THESE CONCERNS AND VIEWS.
IF YOUR FATHER TALKS TO HIM IF HESA GOOD GUY HE SHOULD GIVE HIM IMPORTANCE AND RESPECT HIS ISSUES.

I THINK ITS YOUR LAST CHANCE.

IF YOUR HSUBAND TRULY LOVES YOU HE WILL COME THROUGH

OTHERWISE HE TRULY IS A JERK AND WHO NEVER LOVED BUT WAS ONLY ATTRACTED TO YOU, AND MESSED ABOUT WITH UR LIFE.

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I think yae symptems love ki hain ...... I was here alone just recalling memories ... few years back .... I was in Love with someone ... unfortunately due to some reasons i was a bit shy to tell her clearly ..... I lost her but still love her very much .... I left Pakistan bcoz everything was disturbing me ..... today i was missing her a lot .......... in my appartment here i read DA post and wrote ...... I just felt ...I am even now cannot explain my feelings to othere how sho wrote everything .... is she in more pain than me ??? this was the motive of writng ....anyways

Sister you know these are the areas the weaknesses in our society ... we can remove these ..... here no one cares these things .... but we as a muslim must consider in a good and efficient war for the current era ... other wise the problem may become severe ....

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Re: Feeling Tense and disturb today!

Disturb_Angel.........now here is another guy, Amir_Pindi.......who is also telling you that your fiance seems like an idiot. Look.....even the boys/guys/men on this thread are telling you that your fiance is not a good person. If you dont' want to listen to the girls on this thread.....at least listen to the guys.

Nice work, Amir.

156

yes its ok but she has strong cncern about his future and marriage as welll ... she can doo all this but in case of no from him what she will get or what option she has??? ... DA i think feeling difficulty at this point .... and this thing is required soltion .....

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yehi mai isay bar bar samjhana chah rahi hoo ke yeh life hai aesa chalta rehta hai...aur yeh pehlii larki nahi jo keh rahi hai ke uske bina nahi reh paye gi...

app khud bataye kisi se bhi app kitna bhi piyar karo phir us se door ho jao kia life ruk jati hai ???nahi na??log to is duniya se bhi chale jate hain unke bad bhi to sab wesa hi chalta rehta hai...

aur yeh dekh ke bhi to afsos hota hai ke koi kisi se itna piyar kare aur aghla banda care hi na kare bilkul uski...

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Haan kinzzz ... lakin piar aisay hi hota hai dewana saa ... main aaj bhi 3 years baad bhi usko nahi bhool paya ... but not possible now ....

DA ko better aur quick solution hi suit karayy gaa ... jo DA ko Pk main as a maid ki bajae bahir lay jayae ... takay uss boy ko bhi feel ho k Allah kisi ka dill heart karany ki kia saza daytey hain

Timepass April 2013
Timepass April 2013
159

Iftikhar...........I understand your heart was broken. But please look at this from a logical angle. Allah ne sirf dil hi nahin diya insaan ko, balke dimagh bhi diya hai.

And aqal se iss problem ko dekha jaye.....to saaf nazar aata hai k yeh larka normal nahin hai. Aur koi bharosa nahin hai k woh apnay saath ussay dubai lay kar jaayega. Shadi k baad woh koi bhi bahana bana sakta hai k main iss vajha se tumhay dubai nahin lay kar jaa sakta. Log jhootay waaday bhi kar saktay hain.

Timepass April 2013
160

Thanx RV

But D.A

Try this. If your fiance asserts that you should respect his MIL and comprimise to care for her.
Then try this.

The same way he is also obligated to respect his FIL= your dad.

So get YOUR DAD to ring up, and voice his concerns for his daughter to him.
The issues are the same as you addressed him earlier, But now a higher perons is voicing it, and he is obligated to listen and to give tem importance.

Tell your father once again but to speak in a respectful manner.

SEE if he has respect for your father. SEE if hes willing to make some comprimise on wishes of his FIL.

Test the man if he lives up to his own MORALS/EHTICS of RESPECT AND OBIDIENCE FOR ELDERS?

Im telling you if hes a good guy, he should listen to your father.

Your father should tell him that it is his daughters desire to remain with her husband after marriage, and ofcourse this is how it should be.

Why can this not be? If the barrier is that his mum needs care, then again your father shud respectfully tell him that he is willing to employ a good nurse/maid for her.

If the the barrier is: hes not finacially able to keep u with him yet. Your father should again clamly tell him that she does hois daughter does not need riches she only needs 2 meals daily, a floor to sleep on, and her husband.
Tell him that she doesnt mind living primitivly until circumctanes get better but as long as she is living with her husbnad whos love is the main thing she needs to his money.

If you faince still does not agree to these very simple and resolving proposals, then im sory D.A but i think you fiance has got an EGO and CONTROL freak problem.

He and his mother as many a typical pakistani mentality, want to just do things to keep u UNDER THIER CONTROL.
Hes a possesive, chavaunistic typoe of man, who is willing to sacrifice his wifes rights over his mothers and it will probbaly continue after marriage.

And you can decide if this is the life you want.

It appears that his mum does not want you to be more closer to him and gain more control over him= she loses his control and power and bcomes less important.

And your whole life, or atleast a large time of your early marriage i think your mums dominating strategies will be always in action and you will always be supressed.

YOUR CHOICE.

GOD.IM NOT EVEN MARRIED AND I DNT GIVE MA MUM DAT MUCH RESPEKT

Timepass April 2013